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SHOCKING

JOHN MCCAIN’S pork-filled Twitter feed

DREW BARRYMORE reportedly approached to helm third Twilight movie: “Because I’m a director now.”

Everybody’s strange obsession with MICHELLE OBAMA’S arms

EMINEM recession special: two albums in 2009

EDGAR ALLAN POE letter surfaces in which he apologizes to publishers for drinking too much

KEN BURNS loses 22-year GM sponsorship, imperiling hours 34 and 36 of Zydeco docu

White House SWING SET: not that impressive

PREDICTABLE

D.M.C. to host American Idol–like, grandma-friendly rap reality show

JIMMY KIMMEL and SARAH SILVERMAN break up for second time

CNN cancels D.L. HUGHLEY show after realizing that no one watches the news on Saturday night

South Park finally gets around to mocking the JONAS BROTHERS

SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE musical in the works. Quick, Broadway–only six movies left!

SULLY shops book proposal, hopes to save publishing industry from crashing into the Hudson

In her first step down the path of Britney, HAYDEN PANETTIERE lashes out at photographers

Jilted BACHELOR FIANCEE joins Dancing with the Stars

Police confiscate more than $1 million in drugs at PHISH reunion shows

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE