Look Ma, I’ve Been Published

Finally you can legally hire a pro to off your ex. Stephen King, who needs a name for a woman he kills in his next novel, will join 15 other authors on eBay next month to auction the right to christen a character in their upcoming books. The money will go to a nonprofit that defends freedom of information and expression, but several writers have placed restrictions on winning bids. Pulitzer prizewinner Michael Chabon won’t use a name he finds “mischievous” or “offensive.” Lemony Snicket warns that his top bidder’s entry may get “mutilated.” And while King is creepily demanding a physical description along with the name, if the “victim” is real, she must give her permission. –By Clayton Neuman