May 13, 2014 8:30 AM EDT

Stephen Colbert turns 50 today, so it’s a perfect time to re-watch his hilarious Colbert Report segment in which he composes and sings a new birthday jingle. He cannot sing the copyrighted “Happy Birthday to You” because he is afraid that Warner Music will sue him.

The late-night host’s royalty-free version of the classic tune sounds more like the national anthem, though we’re not sure everyone celebrating a birthday will appreciate someone singing, “You’re getting so old, and you’re shaped like a pear” to his or her face.

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