--- title: Happy Mother's Day! 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right description: I’ve posted about the research behind happy families and solid marriages, but what does science say about good parenting skills? Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman... canonical: https://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-05-10T11:00:38.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:38:17.449Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Happy Mother's Day! Here Are 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right og:description: I’ve posted about the research behind happy families and solid marriages, but what does science say about good parenting skills? Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman... og:url: https://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt6db313b1640415ac/69868e3acd804d940accabb2/159955108.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 5760 og:image:height: 3240 og:image:alt: 159955108 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Happy Mother's Day! Here Are 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right twitter:description: I’ve posted about the research behind happy families and solid marriages, but what does science say about good parenting skills? Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman... twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt6db313b1640415ac/69868e3acd804d940accabb2/159955108.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Good Parenting Skills: 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Inside TIME: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition Inside TIME is one of seven email newsletters published by TIME, the news organization founded in 1923. A closer look at TIME's latest cover and our most compelling stories. Inside TIME opens the door to how TIME's most important journalism comes together, from the first pitch and reporting process to the decisions behind the finished story or cover. Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs takes readers inside the newsroom, revealing the journalists, ideas and editorial choices behind the stories shaping the global conversation. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: Attachment Parenting: Dr. Sears and the Origins of a Movement [Watch (HLS stream): Attachment Parenting: Dr. Sears and the Origins of a Movement](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/yMNteD4K.m3u8) (4:11)  _Published 2012-05-10. TIME reporter Kate Pickert explains how 'The Baby Book' author Dr. Sears' controversial ideas on parenting have trickled into the mainstream_ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker May 10, 2014 11:00 AM UTC  Daughter kissing mother outdoors Daughter kissing mother outdoors Oliver Rossi—Getty Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker May 10, 2014 11:00 AM UTC **I’ve posted about the research behind** [**happy families**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-have-a-happy-family/) **and** [**solid marriages**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/recipe-for-a-happy-marriage-2/)**, but what does science say about good parenting skills?** Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman do an excellent job of rounding up the latest research in their book, [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20). Here are my highlights: ## 1) Praise Kids For Effort, Not Smarts **Praise kids for something they can easily control —** [**the amount of effort they put in**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-be-more-confident/)**.** This teaches them to persist and that improvement is possible. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): But praising too often can be a problem. **If a child’s persistence is based only on rewards like praise; when the praise stops, the effort stops.** **Best thing to do? Be like a slot machine. Praise intermittently.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 2) Make Sure They Get Their Sleep **Losing an hour of sleep reduces your sixth-grader’s intelligence to that of a fourth-grader.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): If continued long enough, **sleep issues can cause permanent problems**. Teens surliness may actually be due to chronic sleep deprivation. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): **And staying up late on the weekends is problematic too.** Weekend shift causes a drop of 7 IQ points — the equivalent of lead exposure. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): A study of over 3000 high school students showed **a clear correlation between sleep and grades.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): (More on good sleep [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/09/sleep-astronauts/).) ## 3) How To Raise Honest Kids **No, you don’t know when your kid is lying.** That’s your parental ego. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): Kids want to please you. **Tell them that the truth** **makes you happy** **– not just the right answer — and you’re more likely to get the truth.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): **What’s a quick trick for getting your kid to be honest?** **Say:** **_“I’m about to ask you a question. But before I do that, will you promise to tell the truth?”_** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 4) Kids Need Rules **It’s a myth that being too strict causes rebellion and being permissive equals better behavior.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): **Parents who set ground rules and consistently enforce them were also the parents who were the warmest.** **And their children lied less than most kids.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): That doesn’t mean you should be a [Tiger Mom](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004CLYKLI/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B004CLYKLI&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20). **Parents that are too controlling = kids that are bored. And bored kids are the ones who drink and do drugs** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 5) Arguing With Teens Is Normal — And Healthy **Moderate conflict with teens produces better adjustment than none.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): More than 3/4 of daughters felt arguments with their mother strengthened the relationship. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 6) Fighting In Front Of The Kids Can Be Good **Fighting with your spouse in front of the kids can be a good thing — if the children see the argument resolved in front of them.** Fighting and sending the kids away before it’s resolved — that’s what causes problems. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 7) A Gratitude Journal Works Magic I’ve posted before about the incredible benefits of [keeping a gratitude journal](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/09/how-to-live-a-happy-life/). It works for kids too. **Students who kept a gratitude journal were happier, more optimistic, and healthier.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ### These Kids Want to Show You Their Favorite Toys  Ralf, 4 Riga, Latvia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Allenah, 4 El Nido, Philippines Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Maudy, 3 Kalulushi, Zambia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Watcharapon, 3 Bangkok, Thailand Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Reania, 5 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Pavel, 5 Kiev, Ukraine Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Bethsaida, 6 Port-au-Prince, Haiti Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Julia, 3 Tirana, Albania Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Abel, 4 Nopaltepec, Mexico Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Shotaro, 5 Tokyo, Japan Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Noel, 5 South Dallas, Texas Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Roxane, 5 Paris, France Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE ## What Next? Here are three other research-backed posts that can help build a great family: 1. [How To Have A Happy Family – 7 Tips Backed By Research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-have-a-happy-family/) 2. [Recipe For A Happy Marriage: The 7 Scientific Secrets](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/recipe-for-a-happy-marriage-2/) 3. [Parent myths: How much of what your parents told you was wrong?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/parent-myths/) **For more helpful tips, join 45K+ other readers and get my free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/)_._ ## Transcript Attachment parenting has really shifted mainstream American parenting, because the ideas have kind of filtered down to every modern American parent. Lots of people breast feed even if they're not into attachment parenting now, in fact, breast feeding rates are at the highest levels since the 1950s when formula was invented. Lots of people actually sleep with their babies in their beds now. Up to 20 % do that at some point which is. Really, really a new phenomenon. I'm Kate Pickert and I'm a staff writer at Time magazine and this week I wrote our cover story, about attachment parenting. And the, man who basically invented it, Doctor William Sears. So attachment parenting is, child rearing philosophy based on the idea that you should follow your instincts. And that your instincts as basically as a mother would need you be very close to your baby at all times. So there are three basic tenets to attachment parenting. One is breastfeeding and actually people that are into attachment parenting often breastfeed their kids until their toddlers, until their one, two, or even older. Another of the tenets is what Dr. Sears calls baby wearing, which is this idea that you should keep your baby close to your body at all times in a sling. And the third tenet of attachment parenting is [ MUSIC ] What people call co- sleeping, which is this idea that it's natural to keep your baby in bed with you at night so that mother and baby are close at all times. So Dr. Sears wrote a book in 1992 called The Baby Book. And it's really the attachment- parenting bible. So the book turns 20 this year. So we thought it was a good time to go back and kinda see where Dr. Sears came up with all of his ideas. It turns out actually that a lot of what he's taught has been intertwined with his own personal life. Dr. Sears wrote the baby book and, and over 40 other books as well, about parenting, pregnancy. Mostly with his wife, Martha. And it turns out Dr. Sears and Martha both had really difficult childhoods. Dr. Sears was raised by a single mom. His father left the family when he was only a month old. And Martha, her father died when she was four years old. And her mother was, had a lot of mental health issues. A lot of people who are attracted to attachment parenting are kind of reacting to their own childhoods as well. Lots of the mothers that I talked to, had difficult experiences, or just kind of not super close relationships with their own mothers, one of the things I noticed when I was with Doctor Sirius when he saw patients is how he is different then, maybe a typical pediatrician. One thing that seem different is he doesn't take babies and put then on in exam table, [ MUSIC ] He mostly does the exam while the baby is being held by the mother. With older kids he starts each exam by hugging the kids. But even if it seems awkward it usually makes the kids smile. And it just kind of, diffuses the seriousness of, of a you know, a doctor examining you. [ MUSIC ] When piece of criticism that doctor Ceres really fielded a lot is that he is you know, anti feminist, that you can't really be an attachment parent and wear your baby and breastfeed and stay up all night nursing your baby in bed, you have a job. [ MUSIC ] Dr Serious claims that attachment parenting is actually ideal for working moms cuz it's a way of you know being really close and connecting with your baby when you come home from work. But in practice it can be incredibly exhausting in a way that maybe doesn't allow some people to function enough during the day to get enough sleep to perform at their work You know I think a lot of people get into attached from parent feeling like I need to do this for my baby but I think some self examination would reveal that a lot, its a lot of parent own issues to that, that you know feed into that kind of how they decide to parent. And the good news is that in the end, data and research has shown that a kid that feels wanted and feels loved, is sort of on the right track. But there's no evidence to show that you know wearing your baby in a sling or sleeping with your baby is really gonna change how they turn out when they're kids or later when they're adults. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/"},"headline":"Good Parenting Skills: 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right","datePublished":"2014-05-10T11:00:38.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:38:17.449Z","description":"I’ve posted about the research behind happy families and solid marriages, but what does science say about good parenting skills? 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