--- title: How to Keep Your Child Calm When You're Stressed Out description: "While stress can’t be stopped, parents can prevent it from rubbing off on their kids," write Juli Fraga and Hilary Jacobs Hendel. canonical: https://time.com/7319316/how-to-keep-child-calm-juli-fraga-hilary-jacobs-hendel-essay/ author: Juli Fraga article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2025-09-23T13:06:17.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-03-30T13:34:54.511Z article:section: Ideas og:title: How to Keep Your Child Calm When You're Stressed Out og:description: "While stress can’t be stopped, parents can prevent it from rubbing off on their kids," write Juli Fraga and Hilary Jacobs Hendel. og:url: https://time.com/7319316/how-to-keep-child-calm-juli-fraga-hilary-jacobs-hendel-essay/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltb8f81fd25d611b50/6998c9d747fe516cd655c128/Keeping-kid-calm-youre-stressed.png?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2400 og:image:height: 1350 og:image:alt: Keeping kid calm you're stressed og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How to Keep Your Child Calm When You're Stressed Out twitter:description: "While stress can’t be stopped, parents can prevent it from rubbing off on their kids," write Juli Fraga and Hilary Jacobs Hendel. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltb8f81fd25d611b50/6998c9d747fe516cd655c128/Keeping-kid-calm-youre-stressed.png?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How to Keep Your Child Calm When You're Stressed Out > Sponsored content. 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A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. by [Juli Fraga](https://time.com/author/juli-fraga/) and [Hilary Jacobs Hendel](https://time.com/author/hilary-jacobs-hendel/) Sep 23, 2025 1:06 PM UTC  Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Images: Ljupco/Getty Images, Focus Pixel Art/Getty Images, momentimages/Getty Images, Camille Ramos/sparklestroke via Canva) by [Juli Fraga](https://time.com/author/juli-fraga/) and [Hilary Jacobs Hendel](https://time.com/author/hilary-jacobs-hendel/) Sep 23, 2025 1:06 PM UTC While parenting has always been challenging, raising kids in today’s world is uniquely stressful. In addition to balancing work and family life, parents are anxious about the state of the world, their finances, and their children’s safety and mental health. With so much to worry about, parental stress has reached a fever pitch. A [2023 survey](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2023/infographics/infographic-parents-other-adults) found that nearly 50% of parents felt completely overwhelmed, almost daily. As psychotherapists who focus on emotions, we know that [stress](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5522461/) spreads. Children can quickly detect their parent’s stress by the tone in their voice or the expression on their face, such as a furrowed brow or a scowl. Letting out a heavy sigh is also a sign. The ability to catch another person’s emotions is known as [“emotional contagion.”](https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.712606/full?ref=feelandt) When children observe their parent’s distress, the brain’s mirror neurons activate, causing levels of the stress hormone [cortisol](https://time.com/7267244/cortisol-levels-hormones-throughout-the-day/) to spike. All of this happens in an instant, often without conscious awareness. Since children rely on their parents for safety and care, their brains are wired to pay attention to their caregiver’s stress levels. It’s necessary for survival. Exposure to ongoing, high levels of [stress](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/129/1/e232/31628/The-Lifelong-Effects-of-Early-Childhood-Adversity?autologincheck=redirected) can affect a child’s behavior, attention span, and ability to temper their own emotions. While stress can’t be stopped, parents can prevent it from rubbing off on their kids. It begins with befriending their own emotions—and exercising awareness to stay calm amid life’s chaos. Here’s how. ## Acknowledge stress and ground yourself in the moment To relieve stress, it’s important to acknowledge it and take thoughtful action. To prevent stress from crescendoing, we encourage parents to focus on the “here and now.” Simply observe your surroundings and identify one thing you see and one thing you hear. **Read More**: [_10 Questions to Ask Your Kid Besides ‘How Was School?’_](https://time.com/7315031/what-to-ask-your-kid-school-day-parents/) This practice helps you step out of your head, where rumination and worry fuel stress, pulling you away from the present. Research shows that engaging the [senses](https://www.mdpi.com/2076-3425/13/10/1396) fosters bodily awareness, which helps regulate stress. Anchoring in the moment helps parents stay grounded. This tells children that even when difficulties arise, you can take charge of your response, which is empowering. ## Slow down the body [Stress manifests in the body](https://time.com/7008130/where-do-you-store-stress-in-body/). Many parents we’ve worked with notice tension in their shoulders or pressure in their chest. Take one parent we know—we’ll call him Chris—who recently lost his job. Like most parents, he tried to shield his kids from his stress. He kept up with their daily routine and took them to school and the park. But they sensed their dad’s struggles. Chris’s kids noticed how his smile melted into a frown. They also picked up on his impatience when he walked the dog or cleaned the kitchen. Instead of his usual calm demeanor, Chris did these chores with jerky, fast movements. And even when he told his kids, “I’m not upset,” they noticed his gruff tone. **Read More**: [_How Being a Grandparent Can Improve Your Health_](https://time.com/7302260/grandparent-health-benefits/) The next time you feel like Chris, pause and check in with your body. Simply take 60 seconds to slow down. Feel your feet on the ground. Take five [deep, elongated breaths](https://time.com/6244576/deep-breathing-better-well-being/), letting your stomach pop out like a Buddha. Slowly exhale, pursing your lips like you’re blowing on a hot spoonful of soup. When stress spikes, the idea of taking a deep breath can seem like a futile life hack. However,[ ](https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00874/full)research [shows](https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00874/full) that deep belly breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which elicits the body’s relaxation response. As a result, stress hormones decrease, and relief follows. ## Name your emotions Stress never stands alone; it shares the spotlight with other emotions. However, since our society doesn’t teach us how to name and validate our feelings, we learn to block and suppress them. Parents may drink an extra glass of wine, avoid a tough conversation, or judge themselves harshly when they’re stressed. These behaviors are protective defenses that shield us from emotions that seem unbearable. Awareness is the first step in naming our emotions. With Chris and the other parents we work with, we provide a roadmap. It’s an emotional health tool we call the “Change Triangle,” which we, as parents, also use when stress arises. Initially developed by David Malan for psychotherapists, I (Hilary) adapted it to help the general public. The Change Triangle enables you to identify your emotional state and guides you to calmer waters.  Hilary Jacobs Hendel When Chris used the Change Triangle, he scanned his body from head to toe. He noticed how his heart was beating fast, and he felt propelled to run: two physical signs of fear. Chris realized that he feared losing his income, even though his severance would cover the bills for months. He also noticed a heaviness in his heart and pressure behind his eyes. Chris realized that along with fear, he also felt sad. Fear and sadness are both core emotions. Fear alerts us to danger, while sadness tells us there’s something to mourn. Chris missed his work and coworkers. Once he named and validated his emotions, Chris felt a greater sense of relief, and his body felt calmer. **Read More**: [_How to Keep Your Heart Healthy in Your 20s, 30s, 40s, and Beyond_](https://time.com/7316703/heart-health-at-every-decade/) Feeling more relaxed, he spoke to his children in a softer tone, and they experienced moments of joy together. Chris’s kids felt comforted by his presence, and when he told them “everything would be ok,” they believed him. As parents, we’re advised to help our children “use their words” when their big feelings take over. But this practice empowers us, too. Putting language to [our emotions](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4396134/) is called “emotion naming,” and [research](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9383041/) shows it helps dial down their intensity. ## Releasing emotions with adaptive actions Core emotions are pre-wired in the brain to help us survive. They are not under conscious control. These emotions prompt us to take actions that benefit us. Examples include slowing down and seeking support when we’re sad, running from danger when fear is triggered, or setting boundaries when we’re angry. By allowing himself to feel his emotions, Chris could identify what he needed. He took vigorous walks while listening to his favorite music and gave himself pep talks, reminding himself that his stress was temporary. Known as “state changers,” these techniques can help [shift](https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1348/000712610X506831) our emotional states. Other examples include taking a hot shower, exercising, and journaling. By exercising these calming tools, Chris's nervous system was no longer on high alert. And with his body in a more steady state, Chris was more patient, curious, and compassionate with his children, which helped them all feel more connected. Acknowledging stress, slowing down, and naming your emotions helps you feel more relaxed. In a calmer state, your stress doesn’t come out sideways and upset your children. 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