--- title: Therapists Share the 1 Tip That's Changed Their Lives description: We asked eight therapists to share the best mental-health tip they’ve ever learned. canonical: https://time.com/7027262/therapists-best-advice/ author: Perri Ormont Blumberg article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2024-10-03T14:53:12.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:50:16.686Z article:section: Health og:title: Therapists Share the 1 Tip That's Changed Their Lives og:description: We asked eight therapists to share the best mental-health tip they’ve ever learned. og:url: https://time.com/7027262/therapists-best-advice/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt78576d427de41c06/698a5ae4b21a9c9b3750a75f/MentalHealthTip.gif?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1440 og:image:height: 810 og:image:alt: Mental Health Tips og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Therapists Share the 1 Tip That's Changed Their Lives twitter:description: We asked eight therapists to share the best mental-health tip they’ve ever learned. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt78576d427de41c06/698a5ae4b21a9c9b3750a75f/MentalHealthTip.gif?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Therapists Share the 1 Tip That's Changed Their Lives > Sponsored content. 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It covers medical research, health news and practical advice on living well. #### Where can I get reliable health news by email? Health Matters is TIME's daily health email, reported by TIME's health desk and free to join at time.com/newsletters. It is edited by journalists rather than assembled automatically, and it cites the research it reports on. #### Is Health Matters free? Yes. Health Matters is a free daily newsletter from TIME, available at time.com/newsletters. #### Who reads TIME's Health Matters newsletter? Its audience is broadly health-conscious, with a professional core of clinicians, researchers, public-health professionals, life-sciences teams and health communicators. ## Video: Therapists Raise Red Flags About Using 'Therapy Speak' Online [Watch (HLS stream): Therapists Raise Red Flags About Using 'Therapy Speak' Online](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/oxvh4VUE.m3u8) (4:07)  _Published 2023-08-24. The classic vision of therapy revolved around a person on a couch, supine, tapping into their deepest and darkest hopes and fears. A modern-day remix might look like this: a person still on a couch, but at home, scrolling through a constantly refreshing selection of mental-health content on social-media platforms like TikTok and Instagram._ by [Perri Ormont Blumberg](https://time.com/author/perri-ormont-blumberg/) ## Perri Ormont Blumberg Blumberg is a contributor for TIME Oct 3, 2024 2:53 PM UTC  Illustration by TIME Illustration by TIME by [Perri Ormont Blumberg](https://time.com/author/perri-ormont-blumberg/) ## Perri Ormont Blumberg Blumberg is a contributor for TIME Oct 3, 2024 2:53 PM UTC Being a therapist means listening to a lot of clients' problems. Between their schooling, reading, continuing-education requirements, workplace mentors, general curiosity, and learnings from patients, therapists are full of practical advice to improve mental health and well-being. But what’s the one mighty mental-health tip that stands out above all others? We tapped psychotherapists and psychologists for the single piece of advice that has changed their own lives for the better. ## You have more time than you think before you react Remembering to take the time to think things through, formulate a response, and decide on a course of action has positively affected New York City-based psychotherapist Lauren Tinaglia’s mental health, relationships, and work. “You always have at least a few seconds to take a breath and check in with yourself," Tinaglia says. (She also recommends slowly counting to 10, taking a walk around the block, or journaling for a few minutes if that’s more your style.) “I often put pressure on myself to have the right answer or response right away," which ratchets up anxiety, Tinaglia says. After taking a few slow, deep breaths, acknowledging her feelings (or asking herself how she’s feeling if she’s unsure), and reminding herself that her feelings are valid, she can decide with a level head how she wants to respond. Doing so helps her "access the calmer, kinder, wiser, more thoughtful, more empathic, less impulsive, and more grounded parts of me that I want to lead with,” says Tinaglia. ## Imagine troublesome people in your life as preschoolers Brooke Bardin, director of clinical operations at Victory Starts Now, a nonprofit providing comprehensive support to people affected by the justice system in Los Angeles, has taken to picturing frustrating and annoying people she has to deal with regularly as young, innocent children around age four. “When you’re talking to them and start to feel annoyed, bring up that mental image,” she says: how they were, basically, “before they developed behaviors that now make you want to pull your hair out.” **Read More**: [_Does Text Therapy Really Work?_](https://time.com/7014816/does-text-therapy-work/) “This technique has really helped me handle difficult people with more patience and empathy, as it reminds me that everyone has that little child within them,” Bardin says. She used it recently at work, in fact: when dealing with someone who wasn’t being empathetic, “I pictured her as a five-year-old with pigtails, smiling and boisterous but not yet verbally aggressive,” says Bardin. “Almost immediately, my anger faded, and I was able to talk to her more patiently.” ### More From TIME ## You’re not that special Jonathan Levine, a therapy lead at Equip Health in Philadelphia, knows that it may sound rude: You're not that special, so don't take yourself that seriously. “But if you can lean into it, it will take you far,” he says. Levine used to have severe social anxiety and felt insecure that people wouldn't like him, but that changed after his therapist reminded him that he wasn't that special—people weren't always paying attention to everything he did. “I found that freeing,” he says. As a therapist, Levine frequently reminds his patients of the same fact, especially when they’re frustrated or overcome by big emotions. “As a human, this helps me stay calm when I make mistakes or get caught up in thinking about what my life ‘should’ be like,” he explains. “It takes away the ego of it all.” ## Do a brief energy check before committing to an activity “I gauge the emotional energy I have for an activity or interaction before committing to it,” says Patty Johnson, a clinical psychologist at Nia Integrative Healing in Oak Park, Ill. That helps her decide how much time to spend on it. “If I don't take that pause, I may not do it at all because it feels too big, or I may overcommit and eventually feel exhausted and resentful,” she says. ## Stop asking questions that start with “why” Milissa Aronson, owner of Magnolia Psychotherapy in Summit, N.J., says this communication style has helped her to avoid unnecessary conflict over the years. “Whenever possible, I avoid asking questions that start with the word ‘why,’” she says of this “popular therapist technique.” While “why?” may seem like a benign question to the asker, it can put the responder in a defensive mindset. The answer generally starts with “because”—putting them in a guarding stance. **Read More**: [_How to Know if Your Friendship Is Toxic—and What to Do About It_](https://time.com/7010688/toxic-friendships-signs-what-to-do/) Aronson recommends reframing such questions with phrases like “What happened?” or “How come?” to spare you potential squabbles or hurt feelings. ## If your child is driving you crazy, remind yourself it won’t always be this way Katherine Mahan, a private practice mental-health counselor in Richmond, Va., remembers one evening when both of her sons were under age four, and she felt overwhelmed because she wasn't able to meet both of their needs at once. Caught in the middle of breastfeeding and boiling water for pasta for her hungry older child, Mahan felt “on the verge of tears.” Everyone got fed, nobody was burned, and she “thankfully never had to perform that particular feat again.” Still, Mahan couldn’t knock the feeling of overwhelm. Some time later, she read a bit of wisdom that she has found helpful to this day: “In the times when you are feeling completely drained or dysregulated by your children, imagine that you have come back in time from the future to spend one more day with them at these very ages,” she says. “This resonated with me and allowed me to get some healthy distance from my own emotions and refocus my attention on my children.” ## Feel the water on your hands as you wash the dishes Or the texture of a cozy throw pillow. Or the heat from fresh laundry out of the dryer. “Connecting with the senses, like touch—especially during tedious, frustrating, or stressful tasks—brings us out of worry about the future and regret about the past, and simply to what is in the present,” says Aaron Gilbert, founder of Boston Evening Therapy Associates. **Read More**: [_Should You Work Out if Your Muscles Are Sore?_](https://time.com/7013374/sore-muscles-rest-or-work-out/) In fact, “focusing on the senses reminds us that pleasure and peace and enjoyment are not on the other side of tedious tasks, or that next job promotion, or 'once I finally figure my life out,'” he says. “Rather, pleasure and peace and enjoyment are only truly available in the present moment.” Some meditation apps like Headspace and Calm have guided tracks designed to be listened to while walking, cleaning, or doing chores. You may find these helpful in encouraging you to tap into your senses and tune into nature or your surroundings. ## Don’t care about someone’s problem more than they do [Kiki Ramsey](https://www.kikiramsey.com/), CEO of Positive Psychology Coaching and Diversity Institute in Atlanta, says that this mental-health insight has affected her life more than anything else. “This wisdom has helped me manage my anxiety, control stress levels, and navigate my relationships more effectively,” she says. Early in her coaching career, Ramsey says she often felt more committed to her clients’ success and goals than they were, and that this extended into her personal relationships. “There was a particular moment when a family member was contemplating a career change. Despite their lack of enthusiasm, I found myself obsessively invested in their journey, pushing harder than they were,” she recalls. Then Ramsey had a revelation: “As much as I wanted to support and guide others, they needed to own their own problems and solutions.” By stepping back and allowing others the autonomy to tackle their own issues, Ramsey has found immense relief. “It was liberating to realize that I could offer support without feeling responsible for the outcomes. This shift has been instrumental in reducing my stress and allowing me to focus on areas where I can make a meaningful impact.” ## There’s a difference between a thought and thinking Joanna Hardis, an anxiety and OCD therapist in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, and author of [_Just Do Nothing: A Paradoxical Guide to Getting Out of Your Way_](https://www.amazon.com/Just-Do-Nothing-Paradoxical-Getting/dp/B0CCQRJNXF), learned this idea decades ago in a meditation class. “Having spent most of my life worrying until that point, I had never imagined that worrying (and ruminating) might be something in my control,” she says. “If it was in my control, that meant I might not have to do it all the time.” Having been a therapist for more than five years at the time, she wondered how she had never heard that the presence of a thought is largely a spontaneous event out of our control. “Thinking, on the other hand, is a behavior—it’s our involvement or engagement with the thought,” says Hardis. “The more we engage, the deeper we can get. Unlearning this loop was the key for me to stop worrying.” ## Transcript For mental health issues you might be avoiding right now. One, you don't have the life you had before the pandemic. You never will again. When the pandemic was happening and everyone was experiencing lots of like mental health issues, it put a spotlight on mental health creators that were posting online. You can't love someone else until you love yourself as bullsht. Because one end implies that people with low self-esteem or mental health issues are incapable of loving others. Just so. With that, I have a disclaimer on my, you know, TikTok and Instagram that this is not therapy or my mental health pics are not specifically tailored to you. Sure, I'm a licensed therapist, but I'm not your lessons therapist. All the online spaces where I share content. Yes. Even those livestreams where you shoot me questions are not therapy sessions, so I want somebody to like taking my content and then think about it and analyze it. Therapy speak is a new way of saying psychobabble. They're usually more like vulnerable words that talk about like the primary emotions that you're experiencing. But there's other ways that people are using that language, hurt people or manipulate people or control people or sort of like shut down conversations. There's a difference between selfishness and grandiosity and narcissism. It's very rare that you would be diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. They tend to believe everything is everyone else's fault, and it comes out of early childhood. There is a stage of development where your ego is separate from other people's ego, and you're able to see that both of those are important. Something is wrong and that development and it leads someone having a really hard time seeing other people's needs as important as their own. Gaslighting is a pretty popular term these days, and what it means is somebody is trying to manipulate you into believing in a reality that's not true. But sometimes people are like, What? You're disagreeing with me. You're not validating my experience, you're gaslighting me, which is not actually what they're doing. So if you say that somebody is a gaslighter, that can be like a pretty incendiary accusation. You and I think that everybody should clearly express what their boundaries are in relationships. It's sort of like a blueprint that you'll offer somebody. So a healthy boundary that somebody might create is I'm not going to continue talking to you if you start to yell at me a different way to use boundaries. That's not exactly correct is to try to control somebody's behavior and manipulate somebody's behavior. You're allowed to say, I don't want to go to dinner, right? That's a boundary. But to be like, you know, well, I'll go if you go to this kind of place, but I'm not going to go if you go to this kind of place and you can't tell me, I can't because I'm allowed to set boundaries. Right. You're now like over stating it. Five small but very brave green flags in a relationship. One you sense their connection with you throughout the day. We keep talking for decades and decades and decades in the field of how we can improve mental health. And the reality is, is that the way you improve anything is with education. Therapists and Instagram and YouTube could do a better job at verifying their licenses and degrees and trainings that therapists have. And if therapists and mental health professionals didn't have to talk about things in coded ways like eating disorders or social justice or anxiety or depression or suicidality, then I think that there could be like some really good education happening online. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/7027262/therapists-best-advice/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/7027262/therapists-best-advice/"},"headline":"Therapists Share the 1 Tip That's Changed Their Lives","datePublished":"2024-10-03T14:53:12.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:50:16.686Z","description":"We asked eight therapists to share the best mental-health tip they’ve ever learned.","url":"https://time.com/7027262/therapists-best-advice/","keywords":["Mental Health","freelance","Evergreen","healthscienceclimate","feat-audio"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt78576d427de41c06/698a5ae4b21a9c9b3750a75f/MentalHealthTip.gif?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Perri Ormont Blumberg","jobTitle":"Blumberg is a contributor for TIME","url":"https://time.com/author/perri-ormont-blumberg/"}],"articleSection":"Health","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt78576d427de41c06/698a5ae4b21a9c9b3750a75f/MentalHealthTip.gif?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Mental Health Tips","caption":"Mental Health Tips","creditText":"","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/health/","name":"Health"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/mental-health/","name":"Mental Health"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/7027262/therapists-best-advice/","name":"Therapists Share the 1 Tip That's Changed Their Lives"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Therapists Raise Red Flags About Using 'Therapy Speak' Online","description":"The classic vision of therapy revolved around a person on a couch, supine, tapping into their deepest and darkest hopes and fears. 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