--- title: A Dear Evan Hansen Star on Finding Self-Worth Off-Stage description: A star of the hit musical Dear Evan Hansen, Ciara Alyse Harris on how she learned to get off the self-improvement wheel during the pandemic canonical: https://time.com/6049026/a-dear-evan-hansen-star-on-what-she-learned-about-self-worth-after-a-year-without-applause/ author: Susanna Schrobsdorff article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2021-05-17T18:08:41.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T08:02:16.634Z article:section: Ideas og:title: A Dear Evan Hansen Star on Finding Self-Worth Off-Stage og:description: A star of the hit musical Dear Evan Hansen, Ciara Alyse Harris on how she learned to get off the self-improvement wheel during the pandemic og:url: https://time.com/6049026/a-dear-evan-hansen-star-on-what-she-learned-about-self-worth-after-a-year-without-applause/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbae1d83b022c9924/698a19a8b3fce339fe0c7f17/INJY-Ciara-Harris-DEH-Lead.jpeg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1512 og:image:height: 851 og:image:alt: INJY-Ciara-Harris-DEH-Lead og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: A Dear Evan Hansen Star on Finding Self-Worth Off-Stage twitter:description: A star of the hit musical Dear Evan Hansen, Ciara Alyse Harris on how she learned to get off the self-improvement wheel during the pandemic twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbae1d83b022c9924/698a19a8b3fce339fe0c7f17/INJY-Ciara-Harris-DEH-Lead.jpeg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # When the Music Stops: An Actor on What She Learned About Self-Worth After a Year Without Applause > Sponsored content. 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Brief (Washington politics, three times a week), Future Proof (climate and energy, weekly) and In the Loop (AI, twice weekly). All are free at time.com/newsletters and together reach more than 1.1 million engaged readers. #### Which TIME newsletter should I subscribe to? It depends on what you follow. For a daily briefing, The Brief. For health, Health Matters. For Washington politics, D.C. Brief. For AI and technology, In the Loop. For climate and energy as a business story, Future Proof. For culture recommendations, Worth Your Time. For how TIME's journalism gets made, Inside TIME. Readers can select any combination at time.com/newsletters. #### Are TIME's newsletters free? Yes. All seven TIME newsletters are free to join at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and provides full access to TIME's journalism at time.com/subscribe-agent. #### Who writes TIME's newsletters? TIME journalists write them. Named editors include Richard Hall (The Brief), Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs (Inside TIME), Eliza Berman (Worth Your Time), Philip Elliott (D.C. Brief), Justin Worland (Future Proof) and Harry Booth (In the Loop). Health Matters is written by TIME's health desk. #### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter? Go to time.com/newsletters, choose the newsletters you want and enter your email address. There is no cost and no subscription requirement. ## Video: The Cast of Broadway's "Dear Evan Hansen" on Mental Health [Watch (HLS stream): The Cast of Broadway's "Dear Evan Hansen" on Mental Health](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/MuHDHLCz.m3u8) (3:11)  _Published 2018-05-10. Thankful and heartfelt letters to the cast of Dear Evan Hansen have poured in since the show landed on Broadway. Here, the cast reads some highlights and talk about the importance of talking about mental health._  by [Susanna Schrobsdorff](https://time.com/author/susanna-schrobsdorff/)  ## Susanna Schrobsdorff May 17, 2021 6:08 PM UTC  Ciara Elyse Harris on tour with Dear Evan Hansen Ciara Elyse Harris on tour with Dear Evan Hansen Photo courtesy of Ciara Elyse Harris  by [Susanna Schrobsdorff](https://time.com/author/susanna-schrobsdorff/)  ## Susanna Schrobsdorff May 17, 2021 6:08 PM UTC **_A version of this article also appeared in the_** [**_It’s Not Just You_**](https://time.com/tag/its-not-just-you/) **_newsletter._**[_Sign up_](https://ti.me/2TwyJHH) _here to receive a new edition every Sunday. This week, we have a special Mental Health Awareness Month edition of It’s Not Just You which includes this guest essay from_ [_Ciara Alyse Harris_](https://www.instagram.com/ciaraalyseharris/?hl=en)_, one of the stars of the hit musical,_ [_Dear Evan Hansen_](https://time.com/4696451/dear-evan-hansen-musical/)_. And you can read my piece on why we need a moonshot for depression treatments_ [_here_](https://time.com/6048942/why-we-need-a-mental-health-moonshot-for-depression-in-the-wake-of-the-pandemic/)_. And, you can write to me at: Susanna@time.com_ ## YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU SHOULD BE _By_ [_Ciara Alyse Harris_ ](https://www.instagram.com/ciaraalyseharris/?hl=en) **For as long as I can remember,** my life has been about telling stories. Starting with playing Barbie dolls at the late age of ten when I’d give them intricate plotlines that I was far too young to understand, my favorite thing in the world was to create a universe of characters. As I grew up, this storytelling found its way into singing pop songs, then musical theatre, and right out of college I was lucky enough to be cast in the first national tour of the hit Broadway musical, [_Dear Evan Hansen_](https://dearevanhansen.com/), where I could finally get paid for all of that talking. Last Spring, after more than a year of traveling and performing the show eight times a week across the country, our cast and crew came to an abrupt stop along with the rest of the world. In a matter of hours. We all packed our things and went to our respective homes, and tried to make sense of not only the world but of ourselves. If we couldn’t do the thing we were always supposed to be doing, were we still of value? My first thought was “I have to create!” So many of us artists got on the self-improvement wheel and started posting cover songs, poems, dance videos, and artwork online to evoke almost as if to reassure ourselves and others that we were ok. We hoped that by the end of this at-home period we’d be able able to say that so much good came out of it because we were able to stay active (or working) and take the time to work on projects we always wanted to finish.  Ciara Alyse Harris between performances of the hit musical, Dear Evan Hansen Photograph courtesy of Ciara Alyse Harris And it’s not just actors. Our whole culture glamorizes the grind, the hard work so when something like a global pandemic comes along and we are left with nothing but our unemployed selves and the distorted world of social media, it is easy to feel like we are inadequate.  [_Sign up here for the It’s Not Just You to get an essay every Sunday._](https://ti.me/2TwyJHH) In _Dear Evan Hansen_, my character Alana operates from a place of wanting to be seen. As a high school student in a community reeling from the suicide of one of their peers, her desire to fit in ultimately influences all of her actions. And for me, as a performer and a Black woman growing up in predominately white spaces, I always felt the urge to prove my worth. Clearly, I looked different and if I was going to stand out then I needed to stand out for all the right reasons. Like Alana, I felt that I had to be the overachiever so that I never felt overlooked or forgotten. Hence, I didn’t see rest as a real option at the start of the pandemic. Taking care of myself stayed in the backseat while the need to be productive was driving the car. **But as the weeks of staying home wore on**, the expectations I had for myself were turning me into someone who could not identify her worth without validation from others. I was completely burned out by the constant need to prove myself beyond the color of my skin. I knew I had to stop, to take some time to do some internal reflection, and figure out what it really was that I loved about myself regardless of what I felt others thought about me. [_See the creators of Dear Evan Hansen discuss the youth mental health crisis at a special TIME roundtable._](https://time.com/collection/davos-2020-mental-health/5272063/dear-evan-hansen-mental-health-roundtable/) Then came the on-camera murder of George Floyd and its emotionally wrenching aftermath during the summer of 2020\. I could feel the weight of the world on my heart. I was inspired to see Black people across the nation fighting relentlessly to have a voice. But the way the nation was divided on what it meant to say Black Lives Matter, on top of the anxiety that the presidential election fostered in us was almost unbearable to experience while quarantined. I wanted to find some way to help people find their own light in a dark time. So I decided to create a podcast called [_Queen Made of Light,_](https://www.queenmadeoflight.org/) to bring attention to self-love and mental health. I believe in using my social media powers for good by telling my story and letting people know they are not alone. My hope is that by unpacking limiting beliefs about our worth we can get to the freeing conclusion that we are perfectly enough exactly as we are. No amount of success, or friendship, or money will prove your worth more than the way that you feel about yourself. And no amount of validation is an alternative to taking care of your mental health. So even if this pandemic has pushed you further from reaching what you might think is your “happiness destination,” know that happiness can be found in today, in the place where you are living at this very moment, and in finding gratitude for everything in this existence. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. _Harris stars as Alana in the North American tour of the hit musical,_ [_Dear Evan Hansen_](https://dearevanhansen.com/)_, which resumes performances on Broadway and on tour this December._ P.S. Here are some mental health resources Ciara has found helpful [Home | Loveland](https://thelovelandfoundation.org/) [https://www.womaze.com](https://www.womaze.com/) [Crisis Text Line | Text HOME To 741741 free, 24/7 Crisis Counseling](https://www.crisistextline.org/) [https://www.betterhelp.com](https://www.betterhelp.com/) [Alma — Simplifying Access to Therapy](https://helloalma.com/?utm%5Fcampaign=10061805080&utm%5Fsource=google&utm%5Fmedium=paid&utm%5Fcontent=435394672980&utm%5Fterm=b%5F%2Balma%20%2Bhealth&adgroupid=104243315434&utm%5Fcampaign=10061805080&utm%5Fsource=google&utm%5Fmedium=paid&utm%5Fcontent=435394672980&utm%5Fterm=b%5F%2Balma%20%2Bhealth&adgroupid=104243315434&gclid=CjwKCAjwmv-DBhAMEiwA7xYrdwiXPFdWPQ-0VPNEM4ZdMetJOd%5FKW-jee6s6C3fDEWO%5FFDZ3A4mwGRoC4gYQAvD%5FBwE) [http://headspace.com](http://headspace.com/) [Therapy For Black Girls](https://therapyforblackgirls.com/) Read TIME’s review of [_Dear Evan Hansen_ here.](https://time.com/4696451/dear-evan-hansen-musical/) And watch [the creators of the show](https://time.com/collection/davos-2020-mental-health/5272063/dear-evan-hansen-mental-health-roundtable/) discuss youth mental health at a TIME roundtable.  [Sign up for It’s Not Just You here to get an essay in your mailbox every Sunday.](https://ti.me/2TwyJHH) ## **COPING KIT** [**National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)**](https://www.nami.org/home) [NAMI Connection](https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups/NAMI-Connection) is a support group for people with mental health conditions. Groups meet weekly, every other week or monthly, depending on location. This program is also available in Spanish, NAMI Conexión. [Find the NAMI Connection support group nearest you](https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9TAAW) [NAMI Family Support Group](https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups/NAMI-Family-Support-Group) is a support group for family members, significant others and friends of people with mental health conditions. Groups meet weekly, every other week or monthly, depending on location. [Find the NAMI Family Support Group nearest you](https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Programs?classkey=a1x36000003TN9LAAW) The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m.–8 p.m., ET. 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org [**Suicide Prevention Lifeline**](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) [Crisis Text Line](https://www.crisistextline.org/) Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor Free 24/7 support at your fingertips US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Talk to someone now: [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/) 1-800-273-8255 [CHAT WITH LIFELINE](http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx) Options For Deaf + Hard of Hearing For TTY Users: Use your preferred relay service or dial 711 then 1-800-273-8255. ## Transcript Dear Evan Hansen, thank you for saving my life. I woke up two days ago wanting to do something really stupid. I've never felt so understood and cared for. [ MUSIC ] Social media went from being optional to almost mandatory among teens. [ Music ] Both teens and adults who spend a lot of time on social media are at risk for more mental health issues. You wouldn't think that a show about teenage suicide, and depression, and anxiety And social media would combine to make a beautiful Broadway musical, but it has. Evan Hansen is a senior in high school, and he struggles with anxiety. It's about the need to be seen and understood. [ MUSIC ] We struggle with the same feelings, the need to connect, not knowing how to connect. I think things are changing so much in this world so rapidly that we are all trying to figure out. [ MUSIC ] Subject thanks for saving me. Subject a small story. Subject suicide. Subject thank you much. Subject love. I am not quite sure who this message is going to but right now I am just hoping it gets read. I am a senior in high school. I wanted to thank you for the beautiful and heartwrenching experience we had seeing Dear Evan Hanson last month. You know those days when you feel as if you don't really add any value to the world? One of the people around you. I feel like that a lot. I brought a 15- year- old daughter and 13- year- old son to the show. Their older sister died by suicide a little over a year ago. We are still devastated. But it helps us when people talk about mental illness with understanding and compassion. We were all that kid who felt alone at one point or another. Even if we were the most popular or most involved kid at school. Thank you for teaching me new ways to cope with my bad times, very overwhelming emotions. Best, a 23 year old woman who wishes your show had come out when she was in high school. Sincerely, me. Sincerely, me. Sincerely, me. Sincerely, me. But really, sincerely Just a kid who loves theater, and is a little less sad because of you. 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