By Charlotte Alter
April 11, 2014

Our favorite Pawnee City Councilwoman is with child, which means that Indiana may soon have their very own Chelsea Clinton to fawn over. Here’s what a baby Knope-Wyatt can expect in their childhood:

1) Boundless Optimism: A skinned knee will be an “opportunity to explore inside your leg!” and a lost toy will be a “treasure hunt!”

2) Powerful Role Models: If Baby Knope-Wyatt is a girl, she’ll have Hillary Clinton watching over her instead of a fairy godmother.

3) Every Milestone Would Become a Holiday: Like Toilet Trained Day, First Bike Ride Day, Santa Revelation Day, Acne Day, First Period Day, “I Hate You, Mom” Day.

4) Waffles for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner: Because of all the vitamins, obviously.

5) Aunt Overload: Aunt Ann will take Baby Knope-Wyatt shopping, Aunt April will always win the staring contests.

6) Lots of Sex Talks:

Write to Charlotte Alter at charlotte.alter@time.com.

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