By Alejandro de la Garza
April 14, 2019

Would attempting to extort a sportswear company or paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to get your child into college make for a more intimidating cellmate?

That’s the central question of last night’s Saturday Night Live cold open, when Michael Avenatti, Lori Loughlin and Julian Assange (played by Pete Davidson, Kate McKinnon and Michael Keaton, respectively) competed in jail to see who was the “craziest.”

“I paid $500,000 to a women’s crew coach to say my daughter was good at rowing,” said McKinnon-as-Loughlin, looming behind a group of prisoners. “I’m loco.”

Actress Lori Loughlin and her husband were recently indicted as part of a college admissions scandal, codenamed Varsity Blues.

Not to be outdone, Davidson’s Michael Avenatti soon joined Loughlin to brag about his own alleged crimes.

“I’m accused of crimes you can’t even conceive of,” said Davidson-as-Avenatti. “Like blackmailing a sneaker company and stealing taxes from a coffee shop to fund a race car team.”

Last week, a federal grand jury indicted lawyer Michael Avenatti, known for representing porn star Stormy Daniels in her lawsuits against President Trump, on 36 counts of fraud, embezzlement and other financial crimes. He also faces federal charges that allege he attempted to extort more than $20 million from Nike.

But SNL saved the most menacing figure for last — a bearded, black-suited Julian Assange played by guest star Michael Keaton.

Recently arrested in the U.K., WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange had been under diplomatic protections in the Ecuadorean embassy in London since 2012.

“Here’s how crazy I am. I’m wanted in the U.S. and Sweden. I’m from Australia. I live in London, in Ecuador,” said Keaton-as-Assange. “You try figuring that one out.”

Watch the full sketch here:

 

Write to Alejandro de la Garza at alejandro.delagarza@time.com.

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