Monday, April 1 is April Fools’ Day in 2019. And with this year’s prank-filled holiday falling on a business day, you’d better believe that every brand around is taking full advantage of the opportunity to have fun with their products and messaging, giving consumers a brief respite from the rest of the news. Here’s our roundup of the best of April Fool’s Day pranks for 2019, which we will keep updated and refreshed throughout the day as new pranks roll around. Don’t be fooled, and just remember: today, question everything.
Best gameification of an app: Google Maps Snake
Google Maps is giving us the chance to return to old-school favorite game Snake on its user interface today.
Most questionable use of an astronaut: SodaStream
SodaStream’s latest product lets you create “personal bubbles” using bodily functions.
Most likely to use protection: PopChips
PopChips is selling individually-wrapped chips “ridged for your pleasure,” á la condoms. Not exactly appetizing.
Most on-brand new name: Rosévelt Island
New York’s Roosevelt Island is just a short ferry ride away from Manhattan — and now it’s getting an even more Manhattan-worthy makeover as “Rosévelt Island,” a millennial pink-themed takeover by Three Olives vodka rosé just in time for spring.
Most likely to satisfy the flat-earthers: MOVA Globe
Globe company Mova Globes has those who aren’t on board with Columbus’s findings covered with its new “flat globe.”
Most likely to please dog owners: Starbucks
People already take their dogs everywhere, so maybe it’s not out of the realm of possibility that coffee mainstay Starbucks could actually create “Pupbucks,” the “Starbucks for your best fur-iend.”
Most likely to please dog owners, runner-up: Roku
Roku’s “Press Paws Remote” wants to let dogs watch TV with the same control that people do.
Most likely to please dog owners, runner-up two: Brooklinen
Hip bedding brand Brooklinen wants to help animal owners create a “relaxing oasis for our furry friends” with Brookcritters, their line of pet-sized bedding.
Most likely to please dog owners, runner-up three: Wayfair
A wedding registry… for dogs? Yep, that’s taking it too far. “Groom’d” is online furniture retailer Wayfair’s attempt to get your friends to talk even more about their obsession with their canine.
Most likely to confuse cat owners: Michelob ULTRA
The beer brand launched a change.org petition to get people excited about outdoor “cat playgrounds” that also have working beer taps.
Best food innovation: McDonald’s
People already dip their french fries in their milkshakes, so McDonald’s has gone ahead and made “shake sauce,” in case you didn’t want to order a whole shake.
Best new app update: Tinder
Dating app Tinder has launched plenty of love stories — and also made for plenty of stories of dates gone awry, thanks to profiles that didn’t match the person in real life. “Tinder Height Verification” attempts to combat that.
Most likely to make internet trolls mad: Metro UK
The U.K.’s Metro news website announced that “straight white men” would be “banned” from comment sections, and while trolls may be mad, many other people online are rejoicing at the joke.
Most adorable: Australia
No, koalas aren’t born with leopard print fur. But Australia might convince you otherwise, thanks to an impressively PhotoShopped image of a koala joey “blessed with such incredible fashion sense.”
Most trendy for of-age college kids: Jägermeister
The “Jägerbong” from Jägermeister is a whole kit that makes use of an empty bottle of the liquor as a bong, but the best part are the classic extra components like a hacky sack and eye drops.
Most questionable use of an artist: Banksy Toaster
Here’s a toaster that will “burn” silhouette art, á la famously mysterious street artist Banksy, into your toast. Banksy’s latest big piece self-destructed after auction, so this does feel like something the artist would approve of, although it comes from the gear website Think Geek.
Best inside joke for marketers: Shutterstock
Stock image company Shutterstock wants us to believe they’re opening the “world’s largest brick-and-mortar stock library” with shelves of books filled with watermarked images of basic things like “happy millennials holding sparklers.”
Best total own: Los Angeles Times newspaper
In an article, the Los Angeles Times skewered New York City and its dining scene. “Surrounded by rats, black trash bags and graffiti-tagged storefronts on Broadway Street, New York’s primary thoroughfare, I wondered aloud if I would be able to find a decent meal in what was surely a culinary heart of darkness,” the article reads. Ouch. The writer goes on to sing L.A.’s foodie-scene praises, while claiming New York to be “culturally bereft” with questionable delicacies like “pizza” and “hot dogs” and the ever-intriguing “bagel.”
Most innovative use of ice cream: Halo Top
Face masks: so hot right now. Halo Top’s introduction of a line of “edible ice cream face masks” is something people would actually eat up — literally and figuratively — if they truly existed, thanks to the products’ “unique exfoliating ability of sprinkles and chocolate chips.”
Most innovative use of ice cream, runner-up: Dippin’ Dots
Dippin’ Dots introduced a “deodorant” in three “delicious flavors” — bubblegum, strawberry and cotton candy — for the discerning customer who wants to cool down with their favorite dessert.
Best commentary on privilege: Little Spoon
Baby food brand Little Spoon knows sometimes not even a silver spoon is good enough for some children. Enter: the “Golden Spoon” collection of baby food products, featuring expensive flavors like white truffle, gold leaf and saffron.
Strangest brand evolution: Auntie Anne’s
The pretzel shop sees synergy between the bodily contortions of hot yoga and their signature carb product, saying they will be converting all Auntie Anne’s locations into hot yoga studios. Perks include the scent of baking pretzels wafting through the air and “pretzel certified yoga instructors.”
Best play on the scam trend: Corkcicle
By now, everyone has heard of the failed Fyre Fest. Corkcicle, a company that sells reusable beverage containers, has a new idea: “Iyce Fest,” a (fake, obviously) music festival in Antarctica featuring the likes of “Koldplay,” “U2Below” and the “Blue Cold Chili Peppers.”
Best stretch of the time-space continuum: Timex
Watch brand Timex wants to solve problems for those of us who never have enough time in the day with their “25th Hour” watch, a stretch of the concept of time that they’re considering a “groundbreaking discovery.” “Imagine if you could add one hour to every day for the rest of your life,” they ask. “We’ve always worked 24/7. Now, we can work 25/7.” Sounds fun.
Most ironic throwback: T-Mobile
Phone carrier T-Mobile is re-introducing the “Phone BoothE” to city streets as a “next evolution in telecom.” “These vertical vestibules offer the ultimate privacy, so you can use your smartphone in peace, even on the streets of some of the busiest cities in America,” they insist. Ah yes, we all miss the good old days of the phone booth.
Most hip to alternative milks: Fresh Direct
Food delivery service Fresh Direct understands that alternative milks — think oat, almond or rice — are all the rage. So they’re introducing “Caulk,” a milk made of everyone’s favorite floret-based vegetable, cauliflower.
Most hip to alternative milks, take two: Caulipower
Not to be outdone, alternative pizza brand Caulipower (they’re known for store-bought pizzas made with gluten-free crusts using cauliflower) also came up with their own non-dairy dairy: Cauliflower Mylk. Two’s a trend, right?
Strangest sensory experience: Lockheed Martin
Ever wondered what deep space smells like? Apparently, it’s a bit like cleaning solvent and metal, if Lockheed Martin’s new fragrance “Vector” is anything to go by. The aerospace company created the scent — eau de void, if you will — that will “help men, women and children everywhere smell like they’re floating through the cosmos.” No guarantees that it will appeal to Earthbound noses, though.
Most cringeworthy: Laser Away
“Laser Away 4Kids” is not real, thank goodness.
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Write to Raisa Bruner at firstname.lastname@example.org