--- title: Ask Dr. Ruth: Is Porn Healthy for Me and My Relationship? description: In this week's Ask Dr. Ruth, the renowned sex therapist discusses whether or not watching pornography can be harmful to your relationship. canonical: https://time.com/5188153/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships/ author: Dr. Ruth Westheimer article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2018-03-08T13:00:53.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:06:00.333Z og:title: Ask Dr. Ruth: Is Porn Healthy for Me and My Relationship? og:description: It depends og:url: https://time.com/5188153/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0051f02b8658a1a9/69892b17656a3ffd9dbd3e36/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2405 og:image:height: 1353 og:image:alt: Old television on stand, in front of curtain og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Ask Dr. Ruth: Is Porn Healthy for Me and My Relationship? twitter:description: It depends twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0051f02b8658a1a9/69892b17656a3ffd9dbd3e36/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Ask Dr. Ruth: Is Porn Healthy for Me and My Relationship? > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays to 40,000 subscribers as of August 2026. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. by [Dr. Ruth Westheimer](https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/) ## Dr. Ruth Westheimer Mar 8, 2018 1:00 PM UTC  Old television on stand, in front of curtain Old television on stand, in front of curtain Steven Errico—Getty Images by [Dr. Ruth Westheimer](https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/) ## Dr. Ruth Westheimer Mar 8, 2018 1:00 PM UTC _After 30 years of working as a sex therapist, the legendary_ [_Dr. Ruth_](http://drruth.com/) _isn’t done sharing her wisdom. Here, she answers your most pressing questions on sex, relationships and life. Email your own queries to_ **_drruth@time.com_**_, or_ [_catch up on previous installments of the Ask Dr. Ruth series_](http://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/)_._ **Q: Is watching porn — separately or together with my partner — healthy for my sex life?** **A:** Let me begin by stating that I’m not against using [erotic material](http://time.com/4277576/in-the-latest-issue-65/), which I don’t necessarily think of as pornography. The problem with the word porn is that it encompasses so much material, some of which can be [helpful to a sexual relationship](http://time.com/4461451/people-more-likely-to-divorce-after-they-start-watching-porn-says-study/) and some harmful. My definition of erotic material would be pictures, videos or written stories that you both find arousing and might introduce some new concepts to your [sex life](http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,109614,00.html), but aren’t offensive. I would say that as with almost everything else having to do with your sex life, [establishing good communication](http://healthland.time.com/2013/08/16/the-key-to-happy-relationships-its-not-all-about-communication/) on the subject is key, and will ultimately determine whether introducing erotica will help or hurt. One use of viewing erotic material is simply to [stimulate sexual arousal](http://time.com/3984196/aphrodisiacs-that-work/). Does that mean that if you use it, there’s something wrong with your sex life? Certainly some people, especially some women, might question their partner, and ask, “Why do you need to watch some other people having sex to get aroused? Does my body no longer turn you on?” That’s a legitimate question but also a hazardous one to ask. What if the answer is yes? Does it mean the end of the relationship? It doesn’t have to be but maybe it’s something to think about before posing that question. And keep in mind that the more likely answer is that your body does still turn him on but he could also use a little more visual [stimulation](http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1214939,00.html) from time to time, and that’s not something that should make you doubt his desire for you. Another issue to consider is [jealousy](http://time.com/3658327/jealousy-cheating-men-women/), not of the stars of such movies but of their physical attributes. You shouldn’t let this bother you, however. When you watch a film featuring a superhero, you don’t typically feel bad because you don’t have superpowers. You should adopt the same attitude when it comes to erotic videos. Now I know that many people frown on the use of erotica, but let’s look at this issue more closely. How [women achieve orgasm](http://time.com/38753/women-may-fake-orgasms-for-pleasure-study-says/) falls on a bell curve. On one end of the curve are those women who can just think sexy thoughts and have an orgasm, and on the other end are those who can’t orgasm very easily or at all. But also towards the latter end of the spectrum are women who require the strong sensations of a [vibrator](http://time.com/4658386/babeland-founder-sex-toy-guide/) in order to have an orgasm. It’s not something that they choose and no one should question their right to have an orgasm just because they need to use a vibrator. Is it any less legitimate if a man needs to look at erotica in order to become sufficiently aroused to engage in intercourse? I’d say that the frequency of use should be something to be considered. If one partner always needs to be watching erotica in order to become aroused, then that’s a situation that the two of you have to talk about. If it’s just the occasional use of erotica, then maybe it’s not worth examining too closely. Just chalk it up to one more way to add some variety to your sex life so that it doesn’t become boring. **_Email questions to drruth@time.com._** ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/5188153/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/5188153/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships/"},"headline":"Ask Dr. Ruth: Is Porn Healthy for Me and My Relationship?","datePublished":"2018-03-08T13:00:53.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:06:00.333Z","description":"It depends","url":"https://time.com/5188153/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships/","keywords":["motto","Porn","advice"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0051f02b8658a1a9/69892b17656a3ffd9dbd3e36/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Dr. Ruth Westheimer","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/dr-ruth-westheimer/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0051f02b8658a1a9/69892b17656a3ffd9dbd3e36/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Old television on stand, in front of curtain","caption":"ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships","creditText":"Steven Errico—Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/5188153/ask-dr-ruth-porn-healthy-relationships/","name":"Ask Dr. Ruth: Is Porn Healthy for Me and My Relationship?"}}]}] ```