With only three women left vying for Arie’s love, it’s Fantasy Suite week on The Bachelor. To celebrate this momentous occasion, Arie takes all three women south of the border to Peru. He for one thinks it the perfect place to fall in love in. And make no mistake, Arie is here to fall in love. To prove that he is taking these relationships very seriously, he stares off into the middle distance, thinking of how he will talk each of the three women into the Fantasy Suites.
Here’s what happened on The Bachelor:
I Like You, Kendall
Kendall isn’t sure that she is ready to get hitched after dating a man for two weeks, but she knows that Arie is looking to put a ring on someone. She has a lot of emotional ups-and-downs. Know what else has ups-and-downs? A dune buggy ride through the sands outside Ica, Peru. Right on cue, Arie says, “Dune-buggying is like a relationship, there are lots of ups and downs.” They ride until the dune buggy almost goes over the edge of a sand cliff and they bail, leaving the driver perched over the edge, while they make out in the sand.
Later, Arie and Kendall talk. She admits that she is nervous about their relationship and isn’t sure about engagement. Arie admits that he hasn’t dated anyone like her and wants her to be at the same spot that he is emotionally. Kendall, being a smart person, thinks Arie’s interest in her is an anomaly, because she does taxidermy and plays the ukulele and is generally quirky. She doesn’t want to be a novelty, though. He promises that’s not the case, and Kendall falls for it and tells Arie that she is falling in love with him and then he says he is falling in love with her. They kiss and then Arie hands her the Fantasy Suite card. Then Kendall has to decide whether or not she wants to forgo her individual room and shack up in the suite with Arie and she is clearly struggling with the decision. Then she remembers that this is what she signed up for, so she agrees and they make out until the camera pulls away. In the morning, Arie chivalrously hints that they stayed up all night talking. Then he cooks her eggs just the way she likes them.
I Love You, Lauren
Arie takes Lauren up into the air to see the Nazca Lines. Lauren does not seem particularly impressed with them, though. As Arie oohs and ahhs over them, she just smiles and nods like a distracted soccer mom thinking about when she can trade juice boxes for mommy juice. Lauren says she sees a future with Arie, but she doesn’t want to get hurt—which she would know a thing or two about since she has been engaged twice before and is now on The Bachelor. Lauren says she is falling in love with Arie, but she’s not sure she can do the show anymore. (Um, girl, there’s like one more episode.) Arie tells her not to leave, because he loves her and doesn’t want to lose her and, hey buddy, save it for the final episode. When Arie asks Lauren if she wants to stay in the Fantasy Suite she says absolutely. They head to the suite and make out while saying they love each other and are in love with each other—and is there even going to be another episode, or is Neil Lane just going to fit her for the engagement ring? But then there’s a wrench in the love fest—Arie walks out of the Fantasy Suite wearing shorts with black socks.
I Love You, Becca
They hop aboard a catamaran and go explore islands off the coast of Peru and cuddle and talk about long distance relationships and make out in front of some sea lions. Becca asks Arie to please stop being so handsome and he just can’t, ya know? Later, Becca rolls up to dinner dressed like she raided Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s closet, complete with velvet slip dress and black choker. The only thing missing is a stake. Arie doesn’t mention her 90s ensemble and they go sit in a tent in the desert and Becca grapples with her Midwestern upbringing and isn’t sure she is comfortable with saying “I love you” first. They talk about love and feelings and expectations. Becca says she loves and Arie says he loves her and, hoo boy, who suggested that Arie tell all three women he loved them? Arie gives Becca the Fantasy Suite card and she says yes. They head inside and while Becca is trying to kiss him, Arie side eyes the bed which looks a little small for two adults. Arie interviews that he wants to propose in the sand dunes because Becca is perfect. Um, didn’t he say the same thing to Lauren?
In the morning, Becca stumbles out of the Fantasy Tent and wanders through the desert in her satin dressing gown gushing about Arie and how much she loves him and how much he loves her and how nothing can come between them now. Cut to something that’s about to come between them—Becca’s ex.
We Were On A Break!
The ex knocks on Arie’s door and introduces himself. The arrival understandably takes Arie by surprise. “Why is hotel management here?” he says, delivering the subtlest shade. Ross does declare his love for Becca, though. He tells Arie that he is Becca’s soulmate, they dated for seven years, and while they broke up a year ago, he still loves her. Basically he thought they were on a break. Arie calmly sips tea and tells Ross that he, too, has declared his love for Becca and this is his show, so … Ross shrugs. Arie is okay with Ross talking to Becca, but hopes that if she negs him, Ross will respect his relationship with Becca. Ross is like, “…eh, doubt it.” Arie is ticked off, but handles it coolly (forehead Botox?) while Ross goes to propose to Becca. Arie doesn’t seem to realize that the producers totally set him up. Ross knocks on Becca’s door and she doesn’t invite him in, but doesn’t slam the door in his face either.
They talk outside and Ross says he wants to win her heart back. He loves her. Becca rolls her eyes, “You think this is going to end up like The Notebook.” And he’s like yeah, duh. Then he admits that he already talked to Arie and Becca just can’t even. Becca kicks Ross out of Peru.
The Rose Ceremony
Arie has had a busy week. He spent three nights in three Fantasy Suites, told two women that he loves them and one woman that he is falling in love with her, and then someone’s ex showed up and it’s all a big head-scratcher. He knows what he needs to do, though. Like last week, he pulls Kendall aside for a private chat. He tells her that their relationship just isn’t there yet. She tears up, but seems to get it, too, even though she was falling for him. He loads her into the limo of shame and sends her home. Maybe Kendall can add Arie to her taxidermy collection. Arie joins Lauren and Becca and invites them both to meet his family next week because he loves them both and will propose to at least one of them, maybe both, by the end of the season. This should end well.