--- description: What’s the secret to a head full of happy thoughts? Time to round up the research on living a happy life to see what we... title: Happy Thoughts: Here Are the Things Proven To Make You Happier image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt1b3f2fd764f92e9b/6988d85c656a3f67f6bd11e2/happiness-survey1.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 --- Apr 04, 2014 # Happy Thoughts: Here Are the Things Proven To Make You Happier by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close  Dilys Ng for TIME **What’s the secret to a head full of happy thoughts?** Time to round up the research on living a happy life to see what we can use. First, yeah, a good chunk of happiness [is controlled by your genes](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-much-of-happiness-is-controlled-by-your-g "undefined") but [there’s a lot you can do](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-our-level-of-happiness-pretty-much-constan "undefined") to make yourself happier. Many of these [techniques](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-7-activities-does-harvard-happiness-expe "undefined") have been [repeatedly tested](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-any-of-this-make-yourself-happier-stuff "undefined") and even [worked with the clinically depressed](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-all-these-little-happiness-improving-trick "undefined"). ## **Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude** I can’t emphasize this one enough. Showing gratitude for the good things you have is the most powerful happiness boosting activity there is. It will make you [happier](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/02/how-to-make-yourself-happier-in-just-a-few-se/ "undefined"). It will improve your [relationships](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-give-your-relationship-a-booster-shot "undefined"). It can make you a [better person](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-do-pride-and-gratitude-affect-hypocrisy "undefined"). [It can make life better for everyone around you.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-paying-it-forward-work "undefined") Bronze medalists [are happier than silver medalists.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-olympic-bronze-medalists-happier-than-sil "undefined") Why? They feel grateful to get a medal at all. Every night before you go to bed write three good things that happened to you that day. [Jotting those down is pretty much all it takes](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/the-most-proven-technique-for-increasing-long "undefined") to get a boost in well-being over time. There’s a second lesson here: the _reverse_ is also true. Keeping track of the bad things [will make you miserable](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-something-that-can-make-you-absolutely "undefined"). A convenient memory is a powerful thing. Do not [train your brain to see the negative](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/why-are-lawyers-so-unhappy-and-how-can-we-use "undefined"), teach it [to see the positive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-you-train-your-mind-to-be-happy-can-you-a "undefined"). Wanna make yourself and someone else extremely happy? Try a [gratitude visit](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-two-easy-ways-to-make-yourself-much "undefined"). Write someone a letter thanking them and telling them how much what they have done for you means. Visit them and read it in person. It’s a proven happiness WMD. More info [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-greatest-way-to-say-thank-you-and-m "undefined"). ## **Do what you are good at as often as you can** “_Signature strengths_” are the things you are uniquely good at and [using them increases](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-be-yourself-really-make-you-happier "undefined") happy thoughts. Exercising signature strengths is why [starving artists are happier](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-starving-artists-happier "undefined") with their [jobs](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-secret-to-loving-your-job "undefined"). Think about [the best possible version of yourself](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-thinking-about-the-best-possible-version-o "undefined") and move toward that. Signature strengths are the secret to experiencing more “flow” [at work and in life](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-can-you-increase-the-amount-of-flow-you-e "undefined"). ## **Spend as much time as possible with people you like** Spend as much time as possible [with people you like](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-should-you-spend-your-time-in-order-to-in "undefined"). The happiest people are [social](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-very-happy-people-have-in-common "undefined") with [strong relationships](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-happy-people-have-in-common "undefined"). Not spending more time with people we love is something [we regret the most](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-we-most-likely-to-regret "undefined"). Being able to spend more time with friends [provides an increase in happiness worth up to an additional $133,000 a year.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-much-is-more-time-with-your-friends-worth "undefined") (Values for your other relationships are [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-your-relationships-worth-in-dollars "undefined").) Being compassionate [makes us happier](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-increase-happiness-and-self-esteem "undefined") (causal, not correlative.) Share [the best events](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-improve-your-relationship-in-5-seconds "undefined") of your day with loved ones and ask them to do the same. And compliment them — we love compliments [more than money or sex](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-you-enjoy-most-sex-money-or-a-complim "undefined"). But I’m an introvert, you say? A little bit of extraversion here [would do you good](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/would-introverts-be-better-off-if-they-acted "undefined"). Happiness is [more contagious than unhappiness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-more-contagious-happiness-or-sadness "undefined") so with amount of exposure to others well-being scales. ## **Money is good. Many other things are better.** After about 75K a year, [money has minimal effects on happiness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/at-what-annual-salary-does-money-stop-making "undefined"). Read that again. Not that money won’t increase happiness but _if you want to be happier your time and energy_ [_are better spent elsewhere_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/would-you-be-happier-if-you-were-rich "undefined"). It [will not increase your moment to moment mood](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-money-make-us-more-satisfied-with-our-liv "undefined"). The Amish are as satisfied as [billionaires](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/who-is-happier-billionaires-amish-the-homeles "undefined") and slumdwellers [can be surprisingly happy](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-can-the-slumdwellers-prostitutes-and-home "undefined"). The happiest of all income groups is people making [50-75k a year](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-happiest-salary "undefined"). Money is good but [wanting money can be bad](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-the-love-of-money-the-root-of-all-evil "undefined"). ## **Give** Giving [makes us happier than receiving](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-being-selfless-can-be-the-best-way-to-be "undefined"). In fact, it can [create a feedback loop of happiness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-way-to-create-a-positive-feedback "undefined") in your life. Volunteering makes us happier and can therefore be [the most selfless way to be selfish](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-being-selfless-the-smartest-way-to-be-self "undefined"). Helping others [reach their goals](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-you-best-reach-your-own-potential-by-help "undefined") brings joy. [Doing nice things](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-single-most-reliable-method-for-inc "undefined") for others today [can literally make you happier for the rest of the week](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-can-you-do-today-that-will-increase-your "undefined"). ## **Savor** Take time to really enjoy the good things. What are the [best ways to savor](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-best-way-to-savor-a-good-mood "undefined")? * Positive mental time travel: Happy memories or looking forward to something * Being present: Not letting your mind wander and being absorbed in the moment. Savoring is one of [the secrets of the happiest people](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-can-we-learn-from-the-happiest-people "undefined"). Focusing on the limited time you have in this life [is a good way to remind you to savor what is important](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-how-we-think-about-time-the-key-to-savorin "undefined"). ## **Strive** You don’t usually do what brings you joy, [you do what is easy](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-we-do-with-our-leisure-time-what-trul "undefined"). Set [ambitious goals](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/will-you-be-happier-if-you-set-ambitious-goal "undefined") and strive. Thinking about what happens to you in terms of your self-esteem will crush you — look at life as [growing and learning](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-trick-to-dealing-with-depression "undefined"). Sitting on the couch watching TV [does not make you happy](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-watching-tv-make-us-happy "undefined"). You are happier [when you are busy](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-we-happier-when-were-busy "undefined") and are probably have [more fun at work than at home](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-we-have-more-fun-at-work-or-at-home "undefined"). Thinking and working [can beat sad feelings](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-can-you-free-yourself-from-an-angry-or-de "undefined"). A [wandering](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/why-do-we-daydream-is-it-good-for-us "undefined") mind [is not a happy mind](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-a-wandering-mind-a-happy-mind "undefined"). Mastering skills is stressful in the short term and [happiness-boosting in the long term](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/study-shows-mastering-a-skill-makes-us-stress "undefined"). ## **Be optimistic, even to the border of delusion** Optimism is [key](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-two-easy-things-you-can-do-to-be-hap "undefined"). Yes, pessimism softens the blow of bad news but [it isn’t worth it](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-pessimism-soften-the-blow-of-bad-news "undefined"). Does this make you out of touch with reality? Maybe but being a little deluded is good: * People with positive illusions about their relationship are [more satisfied, score higher on love and trust and have fewer problems.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-connection-between-love-and-delusi "undefined") * Overconfidence [increases producitivity and improves teamwork](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-confident-should-you-be-at-work-today "undefined"). * “**Self-deception has been associated with** [**stress reduction, a positive self-bias, and increased pain tolerance, all of which could enhance motivation and performance during competitive tasks.**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-self-deception-one-of-the-keys-to-optimal "undefined")**“** Love means [being slightly deluded](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-love-mean-being-a-little-deluded "undefined"). Happy people believe their partner is a little more awesome than they really are. Someone you think is great who also thinks you’re great — [it’s one of the primary things you should look for in a marriage partner](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-you-should-look-for-in-a-marriage-partne "undefined"). Thinking happy thoughts, giving hugs and smiling sound like unscientific hippie silliness but [they](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-thinking-happy-thoughts-really-make-you-h "undefined") [all](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-hugs-really-make-us-happier "undefined") [work](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/5-reasons-to-smile-today-that-arent-corny "undefined"). ## **Fundamentals are fundamental** Cranky? Before you blame the world, [eat something](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-quick-and-easy-way-to-reduce-anger "undefined"). Take a nap — it can [purge negative emotions](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-an-easy-way-to-purge-negative-emotions "undefined") and increase happy thoughts. Sleep is vital because [your mood in the morning affects your mood all day](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-your-mood-in-the-morning-affect-your-ent "undefined"). Get your [sleep](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/should-you-go-back-to-bed "undefined"). You cannot get away with [cheating yourself on sleep](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-little-sleep-can-you-get-away-with "undefined") and being tired makes it [harder to be happy](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-being-tired-make-it-hard-to-be-happy "undefined"). ## **Frequency beats intensity** Lots of [little good things](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-many-small-pleasures-beat-fewer-larger-one "undefined") is the path to happiness. You want frequent boosts not [rare big stuff](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-the-big-events-in-life-most-responsible-f "undefined"). (And this explains [the best method of how to split a dinner bill with friends](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-do-you-split-a-dinner-bill-with-friends-s "undefined").) For the most part, [don’t bother to try and reduce the bad so much as you increase the good](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/to-be-happier-should-you-increase-the-good-th "undefined"). Stop thinking about big events that might make you thrilled — it’s [the little things of everyday life that make lasting improvements to our happiness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-it-the-big-things-or-little-things-in-life "undefined"). You’re not going to win the lottery and it [wouldn’t have the impact you think it would](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-winning-the-lottery-really-change-your-l "undefined"). ## **Avoid life’s most common regrets** We know what people most often [regret before they die](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-people-regret-the-most-before-they-di "undefined"): **1\. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.** **2\. I wish I didn’t work so hard.** **3\. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.** **4\. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.** **5\. I wish that I had let myself be happier.** There are things you can do every day [to improve your life](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-10-things-should-you-do-every-day-to-imp "undefined"). More happy thoughts in your head now? If you enjoyed this post, **share it with friends**. We all deserve to be living a happy life. **Join 45K+ readers.** Get a free weekly update via email [here](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined"). _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/ "undefined")_._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"Article","@id":"https://time.com/collections/guide-to-happiness/49947/happy-thoughts-here-are-the-things-proven-to-make-you-happier/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/collections/guide-to-happiness/49947/happy-thoughts-here-are-the-things-proven-to-make-you-happier/"},"headline":"Happy Thoughts: Here Are the Things Proven To Make You Happier","datePublished":"2014-04-04T16:11:37.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T11:54:12.976Z","description":"What’s the secret to a head full of happy thoughts? 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