Rachel Lindsay’s journey to find love on The Bachelorette was rudely interrupted by the NBA Finals, so to make up for lost time, ABC gifted viewers with back-to-back episodes to help us fill the endless hours between birth and ascension to the stars. Last night’s episode (read the recap here) ended with Lee and Kenny on the dreaded two-on-one date in a dark Norwegian wood and it only went downhill from there.
Kenny vs. Lee Continued
When we last saw Rachel she was stuck in between a righteously indignant Kenny and a smirking, arrogant Lee and frankly there wasn’t enough room in all of Norway for the three of them. Rachel had to pretend it was a tough decision, but she knew Lee had to go. She told him that she doesn’t trust him, gave Kenny the rose, and they headed off to the helicopter to leave Lee to sulk in a pool of his own gas-lighting grossness. It was all over, but then Kenny made a fatal mistake. He had won the girl and was ditching Lee on a desolate spit of land in a distant corner of Norway. He was out the door, but went back to bid Lee a not-at-all fond farewell, leaving Rachel in the helicopter to question her choice. He finally finished telling Lee to “Be the you that God intended you to be” and went back to Rachel who was rolling her eyes so hard the helicopter pilot had to over-correct.
Rachel wasn’t sure she wanted to give Kenny the rose, but he explained that he is able to be a calm, kind human because he doesn’t bottle things up. He knew that if he didn’t say something to Lee he would regret it, so he decided to make the mentally healthy choice and exorcise that high-haired drawlin’ demon before it started haunting him. It made a whole lotta sense, so Rachel decided to keep him around. She gave him the rose. He went and told his daughter and cried his eyes out.
A Random Rose Ceremony
Remember when rose ceremonies happened at regular intervals on the show? Rachel gathers the men together and starts doling out roses. First up is Dean, Eric, Peter (the guy she made out with in a hot tub for an hour), Alex, Adam (who?) and then it was down to the final rose and she gave it to some guy named Matt who is a construction manager from Meriden, Connecticut (none of this is ringing a bell). That meant Anthony and Josiah were sent home and Josiah was not having it, saying things like, “If she doesn’t give me a rose, there’s something wrong with her brain,” ’causing every woman in America to simultaneously get in touch with their inner Beyoncé and say, boy bye.
Off to Denmark
To wash the taste of Lee out of her mouth (wait, she didn’t kiss him did she?) Rachel once again backed up her bevy of beaus and hurried across an international border. They landed in Copenhagen, land of vikings, saunas, and good design. Plus going to Denmark gave Rachel a great excuse to point out the castle that inspired Shakespeare to write Hamlet.
Eric Gets A One-on-One Date
Rachel invites Eric to explore Copenhagen with her, so they hop on a boat and drift along the harbor and have a lot more chemistry than you might expect. They drink enough that they think getting in one of Copenhagen’s public hot tubs is a good idea. It’s a good hot tub, but it has nothing on her hot tub make out with Peter yesterday. After lounging around in swimsuits, they put on parkas and hats to fool around at the Tivoli amusement park, but then Eric brings the mood down by telling Rachel that he was never loved as a child. He’s about to tell Rachel that he will guard and protect her heart, when she cuts him off with a rose and a kiss.
Dean, Kenny, Bryan, Alex, Matt, Peter, Adam are invited to play viking. They sail a viking ship to a viking beach to learn how to fight like vikings, which will surely end in a viking funeral. Then Rachel has to grab someone’s stick to protect herself from marriage and, well, that’s all there is to stay about that. Kenny and Adam were deemed the winners, but winning just meant more fighting. They both ended up bloody and bleeding all over the place, but it was Kenny who was crowned viking king. That didn’t earn him anything but bragging rights and a sick helmet, though. At the after party, Bryan grabbed Rachel for alone time and they kiss and catch up and Rachel meekly asks him if his family would accept her, and he assure her that they would. Then Kenny and Rachel have a talk. He really likes Rachel, but realizes that their relationship isn’t all that far along and he really misses his daughter. Rachel really likes him, too, but agrees and they decide that Kenny should go home. He calls his daughter from the limo and tells her he is coming home and breaks down in tears again. To cheer herself up, Rachel gives Peter the date rose.
Will Fails To Fly On His Date
Will and Rachel cross an international border and head to Sweden for a date. They wander the city, meet a charming old couple who shares tips on a long-lasting relationship, and generally admire the scenery, but despite the fact that they are spending the day in a very romantic setting, Will is not making any sort of a move on Rachel. No kissing, no hugging, no canoodling. At dinner, Rachel calls him on it and as he explains, it seems clear that he has fallen into the typical nice guy trap of wanting to build a natural friendship, not a romance on the producers’ schedule. He goes home.
And Another Rose Ceremony
Rachel gathers the men together, but before she can start handing out roses, she is overcome with emotion. She leaves the room to get herself together and make sure her mascara isn’t running. Once she is composed, she hands out roses to Bryan, Matt (really?), and Dean get roses and then it’s the final rose. Peter and Eric are already safe, so that means Alex and Adam are on the line. For some reason she sends Alex home, opting to keep the man who brought a doll on his date. Guess Rachel is just into dolls.
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