--- title: Jessica Valenti on Feminism, Politics, Relationships description: Hear Jessica Valenti's advice on how to talk about Donald Trump, politics and feminism with your partner. canonical: https://time.com/4746935/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships/ author: Lucy Feldman article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2017-04-20T16:21:11.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:05:29.739Z og:title: Jessica Valenti Talks Feminism, Politics and Personal Relationships og:description: 'If you prioritize the voices of the people who are most impacted, you can never go wrong' og:url: https://time.com/4746935/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt52ad600f198f08a9/6988c391a988caa0946bbd32/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3000 og:image:height: 1688 og:image:alt: AOL Build Speaker Series - Jessica Valenti, "Sex Object" og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Jessica Valenti Talks Feminism, Politics and Personal Relationships twitter:description: 'If you prioritize the voices of the people who are most impacted, you can never go wrong' twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt52ad600f198f08a9/6988c391a988caa0946bbd32/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Jessica Valenti Talks Feminism, Politics and Personal Relationships > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture recommendation newsletter, edited by culture editor Eliza Berman. Twice a week it surfaces the books, shows, films and ideas TIME's editors think are worth your attention, and explains why. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Does TIME have a culture newsletter? Yes. Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters.  by [Lucy Feldman](https://time.com/author/lucy-feldman/)  ## Lucy Feldman Editorial Director Apr 20, 2017 4:21 PM UTC  NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 09: Jessica Valenti attends AOL Build Speaker Series to discuss "Sex Object" at AOL Studios In New York on June 9, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Laura Cavanaugh/Getty Images) NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 09: Jessica Valenti attends AOL Build Speaker Series to discuss "Sex Object" at AOL Studios In New York on June 9, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Laura Cavanaugh/Getty Images) Laura Cavanaugh—Getty Images  by [Lucy Feldman](https://time.com/author/lucy-feldman/)  ## Lucy Feldman Editorial Director Apr 20, 2017 4:21 PM UTC You might have heard Gayle McCormick’s story when it went viral in February. The California retiree told _Reuters_ she had [separated from her husband of 22 years](http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-relationships-insight-idUSKBN15M13L) after he said he would vote for Donald Trump. For McCormick, who said she felt “betrayed,” her husband’s stance was a “deal breaker.” “I get it,” says [feminist writer](http://motto.time.com/4443256/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-motherhood-feminism/) Jessica Valenti, author of the 2016 memoir [_Sex Object_](https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Object-Memoir-Jessica-Valenti/dp/0062435094/?tag=mottocom-20). “I don’t think anyone can really afford to be silent right now.” As the [resistance](http://motto.time.com/4642671/womens-march-special-trump-inauguration/) has caught fire across the U.S. in response to Trump’s victory last November, his [comments about sexual assault](http://time.com/4523526/donald-trump-women-leaked-audio/?iid=sr-link1) and his policy proposals on [women’s reproductive health](http://motto.time.com/4565567/donald-trump-women-election/), women like McCormick have flipped the feminist maxim on its head: the political has become personal. Though McCormick’s example may be an anomaly, the conversations that surround Trump and what he means for women have thrown many relationships off balance. Valenti, a columnist for [_The_ _Guardian_](https://www.theguardian.com/profile/jessicavalenti) and co-founder of the website [Feministing](http://feministing.com/), is a [leading voice](https://twitter.com/JessicaValenti?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor) in contemporary feminism — and has been vocal about [challenging gender stereotypes](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/24/feminist-wedding-jessica-valenti) within her own marriage. _Motto_ spoke with her about feminism, politics and relationships. **How can you talk about the issues facing women without inducing feelings of guilt or blame?** That’s difficult, because you can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings. You need to talk about the issues that impact your life in the way that is most honest and truthful to you. If that results in feelings of defensiveness in someone else, I don’t know that that’s your responsibility. It’s up to people who are doing the listening to do that with the best intentions and to try to understand where their partner is coming from. **On the flip side, do you have advice for men on how to constructively respond in those conversations?** I don’t think that you always need to respond. Sometimes folks just want to be heard. You can always ask, “Are you looking for feedback? Are you looking for me to just listen? Are you looking for me to support you in some way?” If you prioritize the voices of the people who are most impacted, you can never go wrong. **Do you think it’s essential for men to identify as feminists?** There are a lot of reasons men wouldn’t want to call themselves feminists. I’ve met men who don’t want to call themselves feminists because they don’t want to feel like they are taking ownership of a movement that isn’t theirs. They call themselves feminist allies, and that’s really wonderful. Some men, just like some women, may not call themselves feminists even though they have feminist beliefs and feminist ideals. At the end of the day, it’s more about the work than the word. **How do you think Trump’s decisions have impacted intimate relationships?** I’ve spoken to a lot of women who were very impacted by the lead-up to the election and all of the talk about sexual assault. It brought up a lot of stuff for people who had not even necessarily been assaulted but understand and have been privy to that level of male entitlement to their bodies. That was a difficult thing to process, when that person became the president. **What would you say to women who feel the way you described, but are in relationships with people who voted for him or support his politics?** I’d say leave. I understand that may sound harsh, but I think that anyone who voted for Donald Trump obviously doesn’t respect women as full people or people of color as full people and is not worth spending time with. **Dealing with these issues has brought the topic of** [**gender roles**](http://motto.time.com/4283487/white-house-toys-gender-stereotypes/) **in relationships to the surface. How can we push back against those expectations?** Traditional gender roles are really hard to break out of, even if you’re a feminist. You can slide into those as the default pretty easily because our society makes it so that is the most effective and easiest thing for you to do. If you want to avoid conforming to gender roles, you have to be proactive about taking that on. You have to make challenging those roles a constantly moving and active thing between you and your partner. I try to communicate openly with my husband, and we try to be as aware as we can about how these issues impact our relationship and what we want to model for our daughter. **Do you have any other nuggets of advice for women?** Take care of yourself. I’ve been sick on and off since the election, and I’ve spoken to a lot of women and activists who have just been having the hardest time. You’re working and thinking about this stuff constantly, and there’s very little time to [take care of yourself](http://motto.time.com/4212291/stay-mentally-strong-health-tips/) or the people you love. It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to make sure you have the energy to go on and fight another day. _This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4746935/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4746935/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships/"},"headline":"Jessica Valenti Talks Feminism, Politics and Personal Relationships","datePublished":"2017-04-20T16:21:11.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:05:29.739Z","description":"'If you prioritize the voices of the people who are most impacted, you can never go wrong'","url":"https://time.com/4746935/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships/","keywords":["motto","feminism","relationships","Donald Trump"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt52ad600f198f08a9/6988c391a988caa0946bbd32/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Lucy Feldman","jobTitle":"Editorial Director","url":"https://time.com/author/lucy-feldman/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt52ad600f198f08a9/6988c391a988caa0946bbd32/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"AOL Build Speaker Series - Jessica Valenti, \"Sex Object\"","caption":"AOL Build Speaker Series - Jessica Valenti, \"Sex Object\"","creditText":"Laura Cavanaugh—Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4746935/jessica-valenti-feminism-politics-relationships/","name":"Jessica Valenti Talks Feminism, Politics and Personal Relationships"}}]}] ```