--- title: How to Build an Intimate Relationship description: Discover 3 keys to developing emotional intimacy with your partner from SoulCycle's Stacey Griffith. canonical: https://time.com/4706476/how-to-build-emotional-intimacy-relationship/ author: Stacey Griffith article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2017-03-20T13:27:38.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T09:05:13.083Z og:title: 3 Key Ways to Build Intimacy With Your Partner og:description: Are you giving as much as you're receiving? og:url: https://time.com/4706476/how-to-build-emotional-intimacy-relationship/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt85c1766803760cf5/6988bf0286f68e61ef6e3e7c/develop-emotional-intimacy-relationship.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: Love is in the air og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 3 Key Ways to Build Intimacy With Your Partner twitter:description: Are you giving as much as you're receiving? twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt85c1766803760cf5/6988bf0286f68e61ef6e3e7c/develop-emotional-intimacy-relationship.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 3 Key Ways to Build Intimacy With Your Partner by [Stacey Griffith](https://time.com/author/stacey-griffith/) ## Stacey Griffith Mar 20, 2017 1:27 PM UTC  Silhouette of an affectionate couple standing behind an umbrella Silhouette of an affectionate couple standing behind an umbrellaGetty Images by [Stacey Griffith](https://time.com/author/stacey-griffith/) ## Stacey Griffith Mar 20, 2017 1:27 PM UTC For my last column, I wrote about [heart health](http://motto.time.com/4674447/7-ways-reduce-risk-heart-disease/?iid=sr-link7) and the importance of keeping your heart in tip-top physical shape. But your heart doesn’t just beat — it also feels, and that’s just as important. Let’s assess: How are you feeling in the [love zone](http://motto.time.com/4700885/priyanka-chopra-love-marie-claire/)? Are you giving as much as you can? Are your needs being met? When you think about your partner, if you have one, do you feel a deep warmth? Don’t get me wrong: We all do things to piss each other off. But in general, I want to know if you’re getting the warm fuzzies. If your answer is yes, fantastic — we can move on. But if your answer is no, here are some things to think about: **The conversation** You might need to [communicate](http://motto.time.com/4186078/love-languages/?iid=sr-link10) more clearly what’s going on in your head. As much as they love us, our partners will never be able to read our minds. Most everything you need is something all people need, so don’t be shy about looking for attention, affection and love. It’s all in the delivery — take a gentle, kind approach, and communicate in a way that allows the other person to hear you without putting up defenses. Bonus: Have the conversation over a carefully planned dinner at home. Home-cooked meal, candlelight, no cell phones. **The giving department** It’s never a competition to see who gives more. One thing I know for sure is that nothing feels better than appreciating it on both ends. If you are giving your time and your energy to your partner, be sure you are getting respect and appreciation back. This is one of my downfalls as a partner (brutal honestly alert): Sometimes I fall behind on the giving. But I know I can always catch up. So, just have some awareness, and take the time to recognize each moment when you are in it. **The bedroom** We don’t need to go _Fifty Shades_ of Motto here, but let’s be honest: You should be feeling good in the sack. If you’re not, you need to have a conversation about that. My grandmother is 98, and up until she was 83, she was having sex. And she was married four times. Talk about making sure she was happy! I hope you are OK in this area with your partner. If you aren’t, talk about it. Thoughtful conversation generates intimacy. #Fact. [_Stacey Griffith_](https://twitter.com/staceygNYC) _is a senior master instructor at_ [_SoulCycle_](https://www.soul-cycle.com/) _and the author of_ [Two Turns From Zero](https://www.amazon.com/Two-Turns-Zero-Goals-Converting-Strength/dp/0062496840/?tag=mottocom-20)_. Stacey’s motivational coaching style combines a passion for dance, athleticism and mind-blowing music — all set to the beat of her voice. Follow her on_ [_Twitter_](https://twitter.com/staceygNYC)_,_ [_Facebook_](https://www.facebook.com/StaceyGNYC) _and_ [_Instagram_](https://www.instagram.com/staceygnyc/)_._ _MOTTO hosts provocative voices and influencers from various spheres. We welcome outside contributions. 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