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Aziz Ansari and Jimmy Fallon transformed Yelp reviews into a master class in the dramatic arts on The Tonight Show on Thursday in the latest installment of the show’s Dramatic Yelp Reviews.

“I won’t be recommending this place to my friends. I’m only giving you one star,” Fallon said with a dead serious face. Ansari, playing the restaurant owner, had a spicy rejoinder. Restaurant owners—who are used to life in the kitchen—are good with a burn after all. “Not recommending this place to your friends is a purely hypothetical situation. First you’ll probably need friends,” he fired off, adding: “I hope we can survive without your theoretical friends visiting our establishment.”

“Ouch!” exclaimed Fallon, rightly. It only went uphill from there with Ansari and Fallon offering deadpan interpretations of the wildest Yelp reviews that The Tonight Show staff could mine out of the review site. While Fallon claimed that all the reviews were 100% real, even he was incredulous after re-enacting a particularly jaw-dropping tale of customers gone wild.

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