Khloe Kardashian Saw The Gym as a Haven From Her “Toxic” Marriage

Khloé Kardashian didn’t set out to drop nearly 40 lbs., but when her marriage to Lamar Odom was becoming too “toxic,” she used the gym as her personal safe haven.

In a new interview for Harpers BAZAAR, the reality star opened up about how her healthy weight loss was unintentional, but couldn’t have come at a better time in her life.

“My home [with Odom] was dark and toxic,” says Kardashian. “At the time, my family didn’t know what I was going through. It was the biggest secret I’ve kept. I just needed a place to go.”

That’s when the 31-year-old found refuge at an Los Angeles Equinox to escape the personal issues going on at home.

Kardashian didn’t want to run to her mother, Kris Jenner, because “she would start asking too many questions.” She also felt that if she ran to a hotel for the time being, “the paparazzi would see me and it would look shady” – so, the gym was the next best thing.

“They had a TV and I could watch The Real Housewives on an elliptical,” Kardashian recalled. “No one talked to me. I loved that solitude.”

Soon, she began to see the pounds melt off.

“I never thought about the number,” Kardashian said. “When I started seeing that I could lose weight – because I just thought my body would never change – I started taking it more seriously and eating better.”

The youngest Kardashian sister also considers herself to be more outspoken than her sisters, because she has no problem airing her dirty laundry – which helps fans really relate to her.

“People think I’m more ‘real’,” she said. “I’m the first person to say if I didn’t do something right or that I could have done something differently. I share so much, maybe more in-depth than my sisters, and I think people appreciate that.”

Keeping Up with the Kardashians airs Sundays (9 p.m. ET) on E!

This article originally appeared on People.com