--- description: Life coach Alexis Gross talks about the importance of respecting and listening to your body. title: How I Finally Learned to Love My Body image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt62d268304780bdd2/69887cf8524fc01997df6aef/body-image-cutout-chain-stock.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [motto](/tag/motto/) ## motto Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How I Finally Learned to Love My Body by [Alexis Bethel](/author/alexis-gross/) ## Alexis Bethel Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Feb 10, 2016 3:00 PM CUT  Paper cutout chain Paper cutout chainSouthern Stock—Brand X Pictures/Getty Images by [Alexis Bethel](/author/alexis-gross/) ## Alexis Bethel Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Feb 10, 2016 3:00 PM CUT I grew up with best friends who, to this day, are no bigger than a size 2\. Don’t get me wrong: My size 6 to 8 is by no means big. But try telling that to an adolescent with tiny best friends who’s subject to constant messaging that women have to be skinny to be beautiful. Not exactly a recipe for confidence in a young woman. Regardless, I did pretty well, at least relatively speaking. **But while I didn’t “hate” myself, I didn’t know what it meant to really love myself, either.** When I was 26, I dropped from a size 6 to a size 00\. I was going through what I’d call a quarter-life crisis, thanks to a career I had worked my head off for but hated, a “perfect” relationship that I found stifling and the opposite of clarity about where my life was going. My life felt out of my hands, and the only way I knew to regain some measure of control was to work out tirelessly, eat next to nothing and net about 300 calories a day. Did I mention I dropped 30 pounds in two months? While I looked close to perfect by societal standards, I felt imprisoned in my body. Every decision I made depended on how many calories I would be taking in or whether or not I would be able to work out that day. It got to the point where I sprained my ankle and just wasn’t recovering. It wasn’t until I started putting on weight and eating a normal, healthy diet that I started to heal—and it hit me that I’d been starving my body to the point where it couldn’t repair itself. **_Read more:_**[_5 Ways to Stay Mentally Strong When You’re About to Crack_](http://motto.time.com/4212291/stay-mentally-strong-health-tips/ "undefined") What I eventually came to realize is that counting calories and feeling guilty after eating something I truly enjoyed were just subtle forms of self-hate. While my issues with my ankle were definitely a wake-up call that something had to change, ultimately I saw I just couldn’t keep living the way I was living. It finally dawned on me: **What was the point of all this painstaking effort to stay skinny if I was still so unhappy?** I thought that once I lost weight I’d be happy. But I finally figured out that I had to focus on _happiness_, not any one thing that would supposedly lead me there—and especially not something as trivial as being skinny. The problem was never with my weight or the way I looked; the problem was that I was completely out of touch with my most fundamental needs. I had no idea what I really wanted out of life, and I kept allowing others’ opinions of me to dictate my every move. I’m now a size 6 and 140 pounds. Would I like to see the number on the scale go down? Sure, there’s still that part of me that thinks a slightly lower weight would be ideal. **_Read more:_**[_Oh Joy! Founder Joy Cho: How to Be You_](http://motto.time.com/4209427/joy-cho-how-to-be-you/ "undefined") But I would so much rather eat what I want when my body wants it (who cares if I want tuna fish for breakfast or if I have a second piece of cake?). I’m happy to say I now have a career as a life coach and a yoga instructor, jobs that are truly aligned with who I am and what I believe. I’m finally able to focus on my health and how I feel, not how I think my body “should” look. And most importantly, I’ve stopped being so mean to myself. _These_ are the things that make me _truly_ happy—and I’d never sacrifice that just to lose 10 pounds. _Alexis Bethel is the founder of_ [_Balance by Alexis Life Coaching_](http://www.balancebyalexis.com "undefined")_, an owner and yoga instructor at_ [_Studio Ohana_](http://www.studioohanabahamas.com "undefined") _and the director of wellness for_ [_Inner Glow Circle_](http://www.innerglowcircle.com "undefined")_. She lives with her husband and two Boston Terriers in Nassau, Bahamas._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4214574/learned-to-love-my-body/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4214574/learned-to-love-my-body/"},"headline":"How I Finally Learned to Love My Body","datePublished":"2016-02-10T15:00:09.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T09:01:49.067Z","description":"\"While I looked close to perfect by societal standards, I felt imprisoned in my body.\"","url":"https://time.com/4214574/learned-to-love-my-body/","keywords":["motto","diet","Body Image","advice"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt62d268304780bdd2/69887cf8524fc01997df6aef/body-image-cutout-chain-stock.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Alexis Bethel","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/alexis-gross/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt62d268304780bdd2/69887cf8524fc01997df6aef/body-image-cutout-chain-stock.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"78318067","caption":"Paper cutout chain","creditText":"Southern Stock—Brand X Pictures/Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/motto/","name":"motto"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4214574/learned-to-love-my-body/","name":"How I Finally Learned to Love My Body"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Some of The World's Most Powerful Women Share Their Best Advice","description":"","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/LF8Rmcmf/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2016-02-02T13:57:47.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/LF8Rmcmf.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/4214574/learned-to-love-my-body/","duration":"PT1M11S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/4214574/learned-to-love-my-body/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```