The greatest character Star Wars character of all time has a name. Remember that part in The Force Awakens when Finn is running around a poorly-choreographed battle scene, and then he sees a stormtrooper, and that stormtrooper yells “TRAITOR!” and attacks? Of course you remember that moment. That moment is everything we have been leading up to, in the history of cinema and human endeavor and conscious sentient life. The universe has stopped expanding; we have heard the chimes at midnight.
You probably also remember that said stormtrooper is so furious at Finn — so passionately, righteously angry that his brother-in-arms has set aside everything they ever believed in — that he doesn’t just shoot him. No. This stormtrooper throws away his gun and reveals his secret weapon. This weapon is indescribable; imagine if you took the coolest Ninja Turtle weapon (Michelangelo’s nunchaku) and combined it with the second coolest Ninja Turtle weapon (Donatello’s Bo Staff) — COME AT ME HATERS — and then installed them upon your arm like the wristblade from Assassin’s Creed, but the weapon launches down your arm like Travis Bickle’s sleeve gun.
In the grand tradition of Boba Fett, Bossk, Dengar, and everyone else from that one scene in Empire Strikes Back, this stormtrooper became the breakout character from his Star Wars movie on the strength of barely a minute of screentime. A meme was declared, designating this stormtrooper TR-8R, as in “Traitor,” which would sort of be like naming Boba Fett “Heezno Gud-2 Meeded,” but whatever.
Lucasfilm has now taken the liberty of rebranding this stormtrooper with an “official” codename: FN-2199. Apparently, he already appeared in a Star Wars tie-in book; his nickname is “Nines.” They also call his weapon the “Z6 Baton,” which is disappointingly less descriptive than “The Whirlwrist Sleevebasher.”
This, unfortunately, may be the end of the story of Nines, since Han shot him. But Boba Fett fell into the Sarlacc Pit, and he’s definitely still alive. Which leaves plenty of room for, like, a 2021 release of Boba and the Nines: A Star Wars Story, featuring helmets.
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