--- description: How to stay focused on what matters the most. title: The 5 Things Your Kids Will Remember About You image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt09394ac6dbb1489e/69886f4f428a9ed8a2ccfe5e/father-son-smiling.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Living](/tag/time-section-living/) ## Living Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # The 5 Things Your Kids Will Remember About You ## Video: Drew Barrymore Says Her Childhood Helps Her Parenting [Watch (HLS stream): Drew Barrymore Says Her Childhood Helps Her Parenting](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/1obfoqsJ.m3u8) (0:38)  _Published 2015-10-22. Drew Barrymore, who became addicted to drugs and alcohol in her teens, told People she wants to use her experiences to help teach her daughters._ by [Dave Willis / Patheos](/author/patheos/) ## Dave Willis / Patheos Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Nov 5, 2015 10:36 PM CUT  Father and Son Laughing Father and Son LaughingGetty Images by [Dave Willis / Patheos](/author/patheos/) ## Dave Willis / Patheos Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Nov 5, 2015 10:36 PM CUT **1\. The times you made them feel safe** (or the times you made them feel unsafe) There’s a vulnerability and a need for protection in the heart of every child. Your kids will remember those moments you chased the monsters from under their bed or held them after a nightmare, but they’ll also remember the times when your temper became the monster they feared. Our kids are probably going to see us angry sometimes, because that’s part of life, but make it your mission to make your children feel safe and secure at all times when they’re with you. **2\. The times you gave them your undivided attention** Kids measure love primarily by our attentiveness to them. The times you stop what you’re doing to have a tea party or go outside to throw a ball or jump on a trampoline with be memories etched into their minds and hearts forever. Take the time to do the little things with your kids, because in the end, they’ll be the moments that matter most. **3\. The way you interacted with your spouse** Our kids are forming their views of love in large part by watching how we treat our husband or wife. Strive to have the kind of marriage that makes them excited to get married someday. Give them the security that comes from seeing their Mom and Dad in a committed, loving relationship with each other. **4\. Your words of affirmation** **_and_** **your words of criticism** A child’s heart is like wet cement and the impression made early in life will harden over time. They’ll base their sense of identity, capability and even self-worth largely upon the words you speak to them in those formative years. Part of our job as parents is to correct and discipline, but even in correction, let your words be full of love, encouragement and positive reinforcement. **5\. Your family traditions** Kids love spontaneity, but they also have deep need for predictability. They’ll remember with great fondness the “traditions” you establish whether it’s a weekly family movie (or game) night, a place you regularly travel for family getaways, the way you celebrate birthdays and special events or any other special tradition. Be intentional about creating some traditions that they’ll want to pass onto their own children someday. ### Meet the New Generation of Gender-Creative Kids  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  Many hours of the day are spent rehearsing for the long-awaited talent show. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  A child expertly applies her own make-up before the fashion show. Lindsay Morris—Institute  Lindsay Morris—Institute  The children pictured are participating in a weekend summer camp created by parents in support and celebration of their gender-nonconformity. Lindsay Morris—Institute  A camper walks down the runway with the enthusiastic support from the camp community. Lindsay Morris—Institute _Dave Willis is an associate pastor at Stevens Creek Church in Augusta, Georgia. He and his wife, Ashley, founded StrongerMarriages.org and the “Marriage” app as a way to encourage couples to build stronger marriages._ _This_ [_article_](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/the-5-things-your-kids-will-remember-about-you/ "undefined") _originally appeared on_ [_Patheos_](http://www.patheos.com "undefined") _More from Patheos:_ * [3 Things I Wish I Could Have Told Myself on My Wedding Day](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/ashleywillis/3-things-i-wish-i-couldve-told-myself-on-my-wedding-day/ "undefined") * [Four Ways Parents and Adult Children Can Get Along](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/faithonthecouch/2015/10/4-ways-parents-and-adult-children-can-get-along/ "undefined") * [Secrets Kids Don’t Always Share With Their Parents](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/3-secrets-kids-dont-always-share-with-their-parents/ "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4097995/parenting-kids-remember/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4097995/parenting-kids-remember/"},"headline":"The 5 Things Your Kids Will Remember About You","datePublished":"2015-11-05T22:36:51.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T04:42:18.306Z","description":"What parenting habits are the most significant to kids?","url":"https://time.com/4097995/parenting-kids-remember/","keywords":["Living","Parenting","Children","Family","advice"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt09394ac6dbb1489e/69886f4f428a9ed8a2ccfe5e/father-son-smiling.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Dave Willis / Patheos"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt09394ac6dbb1489e/69886f4f428a9ed8a2ccfe5e/father-son-smiling.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"father-son-smiling","caption":"father-son-smiling","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/time-section-living/","name":"Living"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4097995/parenting-kids-remember/","name":"The 5 Things Your Kids Will Remember About You"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Drew Barrymore Says Her Childhood Helps Her Parenting","description":"Drew Barrymore, who became addicted to drugs and alcohol in her teens, told People she wants to use her experiences to help teach her daughters.","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/1obfoqsJ/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2015-10-22T13:49:32.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/1obfoqsJ.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/4097995/parenting-kids-remember/","duration":"PT38S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/4097995/parenting-kids-remember/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```