The CNN Republican Debate Drinking Game

3 minute read

So you thought it was bad last time, when Fox News tried to put you under the table with two consecutive GOP debates lasting four full hours.

Well, CNN is here to test your resolve. Two debates. 16 candidates. FIVE hours.

At least there are commercial breaks for much needed relief. Before we get going, the usual disclaimers: Don’t actually play this drinking game. You will drink too much, and that is bad. Also don’t drink if you are underage. And never drink and drive.

With all that said, here is TIME’s guide to drink watching the second set of Republican GOP debates on CNN, starting at 6 p.m., Eastern Standard Time, 3 p.m. Pacific.

• Pound a Miller High Life when Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker pledges to wreak havoc on D.C.

• Throw the High Life against a wall if Walker refuses to answer a question because it is “hypothetical.”

• Drink a tin bottle of Bud Light if Florida Sen. Marco Rubio mentions football.

• Drink two tinnies if New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie mentions the Dallas Cowboys.

• Headstand a Sam Adams if someone says Tom Brady did not cheat.

• Hydrate with water and/or salt tablets each time Donald Trump mentions his terrific crowds, his terrific polls, how smart he is, or any other tremendous personal success.

• Sip expensive champagne if Trump tangles with moderator Hugh Hewitt over the name of a Hamas, Hezbollah, Syrian or Iraqi military leader.

MORE: Read the Full Text of the First Republican Debate

• Put your thumb over the top of the bottle and shake if Trump speaks cogently about who that person is.

• Drink non-alcoholic punch if Kentucky clerk Kim Davis is called a hero.

• Polish off the Listerine if a candidate offers to go to jail in her place.

• Read aloud from Deuteronomy if CNN moderator Jake Tapper asks Trump his favorite Bible verse.

• Throw popcorn at the screen if Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul and Christie start arguing again.

• Purchase and finish a cup of coffee if Trump calls former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush low-energy.

• Rub AXIRON, the prescription-only testosterone gel, under your arm if Bush gets into an Alpha contest with Trump and wins, and you happen to be man. (Beware AXIRON can transfer from your body to others, so don’t rub against young children or women after application.)

Take a sip for each of the following:

• Carson closes his eyes before answering a question

• Any candidate mentions an endorsement

• Someone other than Trump says “YOOOOGE”

• Any candidate mentions their father (Two sips if Bush)

• Rubio talks about the American dream

• Any candidate says “shutdown”

• Any candidate mentions online donations

• Anyone praises the pope

• Former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina says the word “face”

• South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham calls himself Lindsey Grahamnesty or Lindsey Gomez

• Alguna persona habla en español

• Christie calls something stupid

• Paul mentions a founding father

• Paul talks out of turn

• Any candidate praises former Texas Gov. Rick Perry

• Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal says “Obama”

• Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum calls out the Supreme Court

• Any candidate talks about monetary policy

• Ohio Gov. John Kasich cuts against the grain

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