September 10, 2015 10:54 AM EDT

Remember those ridiculous Lincoln commercials Matthew McConaughey starred in last year? Well, he’s back with a new set of three ads, all directed by Gus Van Sant. Sadly, though, the new commercials lack what made the old ones so special and entertaining: McConaughey’s bizarre, rambling soliloquies.

The ads will start airing this Saturday on ABC during college football games, AdAge reports. Together, the 30-second ads — Welcome, Arrival, and Winning Hand — form a mini-movie that shows McConaughey arriving at the world’s classiest poker game. Expect plenty of smooth jazz, finely-tailored suits, and knowing glances.

Oh, and yeah, there’s also a car, since that’s what this ad is trying to sell you. But after watching, you’re probably just going to want to buy hair products.

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