--- description: Constant selfless giving is not the answer title: How to Help Others the Right Way image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How to Help Others the Right Way by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Jul 27, 2015 4:01 AM CUT by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Jul 27, 2015 4:01 AM CUT I’ve posted [a number of times](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/02/checklist-8-day-happier/ "undefined") about how helping others makes you happier. But I know this leaves some people scratching their heads: _How much should I help others? How often? Will I be exploited? Will I end up resenting people I love if they don’t reciprocate?_ We all know selfless givers who are taken advantage of and taken for granted. Nobody wants to feel like a sucker. So this simple thing doesn’t seem so simple — and it feels safer to just be selfish no matter what fancy research and your conscience might tell you. Adam Grant has a wonderful book, [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0670026557/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0670026557&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"), which directly tackles this issue and provides some firm answers grounded in research. To help others the right way, give these tips a shot. ## **Constant Selfless Giving Is Not The Way** Being a martyr stresses you out and is actually bad for your health. Via [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0670026557/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0670026557&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **Chunking Beats Sprinkling** Want to be happier? Do all your giving one day a week. Via [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0670026557/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0670026557&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- And this is exactly why selfless givers end us stressed out and overloaded. Via [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0670026557/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0670026557&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## So How Much Should You Give? Remember The 100 Hour Rule. One hundred hours a year — in other words, 2 hours per week. Via [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0670026557/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0670026557&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **What’s The Best Kind Of Giving To Do?** A kind that is meaningful to you. No, you can’t fake it if you want the benefits. Via [Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0670026557/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0670026557&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **Sum Up** Breaking it down: 1. **To be happier and healthier you need to give to others.** 2. **Don’t be a martyr. Constant selfless giving is not the answer.** 3. **100 hrs a year is the minimum to increase happiness, so do about 2 hrs per week or a little more.** 4. **You need to do it because you want to, so find a way to help others that is meaningful to you.** 5. **It’s better to cluster those activities than to spread them out.** What do I personally plan to do? I’m going to designate a DAY OF GIVING per week and make sure I’m clustering my 2hrs of meaningful helping. In a few weeks I’ll post my results. Please give it a try yourself and let me know how it works for you. You can write me [here](mailto:ebarker@ucla.edu "undefined"). This is going to be fun. :) **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/04/helping-happier/ "undefined")**_._** **Join over 195,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/ "undefined") [How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/10/how-to-get-people-to-like-you/ "undefined") [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/ "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3970187/help-others-right-way/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3970187/help-others-right-way/"},"headline":"How to Help Others the Right Way","datePublished":"2015-07-27T04:01:56.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-31T08:37:54.677Z","description":"Constant selfless giving is not the answer","url":"https://time.com/3970187/help-others-right-way/","keywords":["Psychology","Happiness","altruism"],"thumbnailUrl":"","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3970187/help-others-right-way/","name":"How to Help Others the Right Way"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Diane von Furstenberg on the Most Important Relationships in Her Life","description":"“When I was growing up, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be. 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