June 24, 2015 3:30 PM EDT

When Jimmy Fallon told Tuesday’s Tonight Show audience that Channing Tatum would be performing some Magic Mike scenes right there on stage, the ladies went crazy. Because, like, obviously. Their thirst for the Chan is very, very real.

But there was a catch: these weren’t actually scenes from the upcoming Magic Mike XXL. Instead, they were scenes written by elementary school kids.

Sign up here for TIME’s weekly roundup of the best parenting stories from anywhere.

“We gave them no direction, just the title,” Fallon explains. “We asked them to write scenes based on what they think a movie called Magic Mike would be about.”

What followed were three tales of flat bike tires, alien invasions and depressed birds. (And yes, there’s some unintentional sexual innuendo going on.)

Contact us at letters@time.com.

Read More From TIME

Related Stories