--- title: 4 Secrets to a Good Apology, According to Research description: Via Wait: The Art and Science of Delay: Aaron Lazare devotes two full chapters of On Apology and much of his subsequent research to questions... canonical: https://time.com/3852490/good-apology/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-05-14T04:01:32.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-03-31T08:25:07.075Z article:section: Ideas og:title: 4 Secrets to a Good Apology, According to Research og:description: Start by acknowledging that you did make a mistake og:url: https://time.com/3852490/good-apology/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt7565540e5cdb710a/6987ef043c1639af8c455ed0/171450342-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=750&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: sorry-sad-face-note og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 4 Secrets to a Good Apology, According to Research twitter:description: Start by acknowledging that you did make a mistake twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt7565540e5cdb710a/6987ef043c1639af8c455ed0/171450342-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=750&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 4 Secrets to a Good Apology, According to Research by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker May 14, 2015 4:01 AM UTC  Sorry SorryGetty Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker May 14, 2015 4:01 AM UTC Via [Wait: The Art and Science of Delay](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1610390040/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1610390040&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1610390040): --- > “” --- This aligns with [previous research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-the-secrets-to-a-good-apology) on effective apologies: --- > “” --- What also turns out to be crucial is the timing of apologies — faster is not better. People need to feel they are heard and understood so a delayed apology is more satisfying. Via [Wait: The Art and Science of Delay](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1610390040/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1610390040&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1610390040): --- > “” --- Let’s put this into context with some of the other things we’ve learned about effective apologies: * Apologies [do make a difference](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-saying-youre-sorry-really-make-a-differe). People often [prefer them over money](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-powerful-is-an-apology), even if they’re just cheap talk. * If it’s clear you intentionally did something wrong, you’re probably better off not apologizing. After intentional acts, apologies tend to [backfire and make things worse](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/if-its-clear-you-intentionally-did-something). * Giving money is [not an effective way to apologize](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-money-a-lousy-way-to-motivate-people) but research has shown that [expensive gifts](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-makes-a-good-gift) can work. * The best way to apologize is not to apologize for what you think you did wrong. [Apologize for what _they_ think you did wrong.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-best-way-to-apologize) * Being reminded of times when they did something wrong makes people [more likely to accept apologies and forgive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-makes-people-more-likely-to-forgive). So a _little_ guilting might not be a bad idea. **Join over 180,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/07/you-screwed-up-what-are-the-four-secrets-to-a/)**_._** Related posts: [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/) [The 8 Things The Happiest People Do Every Day](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/06/happiest-people/) [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/) ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3852490/good-apology/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3852490/good-apology/"},"headline":"4 Secrets to a Good Apology, According to Research","datePublished":"2015-05-14T04:01:32.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-31T08:25:07.075Z","description":"Via Wait: The Art and Science of Delay: Aaron Lazare devotes two full chapters of On Apology and much of his subsequent research to questions...","url":"https://time.com/3852490/good-apology/","keywords":["Psychology","communication"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt7565540e5cdb710a/6987ef043c1639af8c455ed0/171450342-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt7565540e5cdb710a/6987ef043c1639af8c455ed0/171450342-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"sorry-sad-face-note","caption":"sorry-sad-face-note","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3852490/good-apology/","name":"4 Secrets to a Good Apology, According to Research"}}]}] ```