Let’s face it: Siri isn’t the USS Enterprise computer Apple promised us in 2011. The digital personal assistant can barely comprehend simple English phrases (“When should I cash in my Beanie Baby collection and retire?”), let alone wash your Humvee or walk your ferret. (Come on, future!)

And if you need emotional support, forget it. There’s no app that can replace good, old-fashioned mother’s love. Unless, of course, your mom is Siri.

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