--- title: Eva Mendes Is Right, Sweatpants Can Lead To Divorce description: The real sweatpants are the emotional sweatpants: not bringing flowers home, gaining 20 pounds, and not buying a present just because. canonical: https://time.com/3752867/eva-mendes-is-right-sweatpants-can-lead-to-divorce/ author: Brian Moylan article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-03-20T18:43:06.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:59:37.479Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Eva Mendes Is Right, Sweatpants Can Lead To Divorce og:description: It's the emotional sweatpants: not bringing flowers home, gaining weight, etc. og:url: https://time.com/3752867/eva-mendes-is-right-sweatpants-can-lead-to-divorce/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0a69fe5614bda6ea/698784920b72e31d556de46c/eva-mendes3.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2067 og:image:height: 1163 og:image:alt: Eva Mendes seen filming a commercial on Feb. 18, 2015 in New York City. og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Eva Mendes Is Right, Sweatpants Can Lead To Divorce twitter:description: It's the emotional sweatpants: not bringing flowers home, gaining weight, etc. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0a69fe5614bda6ea/698784920b72e31d556de46c/eva-mendes3.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Eva Mendes Is Right, Sweatpants Can Lead To Divorce > Sponsored content. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: Love & Money: What Are Your Relationship Dealbreakers? [Watch (HLS stream): Love & Money: What Are Your Relationship Dealbreakers?](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/bLOmTpJe.m3u8) (3:25)  _Published 2015-01-21. What would you do if you found out your date had a bad credit score? MONEY's Farnoosh Torabi asks our panel about what they would do._ by [Brian Moylan](https://time.com/author/brian-moylan/) ## Brian Moylan Mar 20, 2015 6:43 PM UTC  Eva Mendes seen filming a commercial on Feb. 18, 2015 in New York City. Eva Mendes seen filming a commercial on Feb. 18, 2015 in New York City. Charles Bladen—GC Images by [Brian Moylan](https://time.com/author/brian-moylan/) ## Brian Moylan Mar 20, 2015 6:43 PM UTC Yesterday, Extra [published an interview](http://extratv.com/2015/03/18/eva-mendes-opens-up-about-new-baby-and-boyfriend-ryan-gosling/) with professional attractive person and new mother Eva Mendes where she took umbrage toward people wearing the slouchiest of wardrobe staples: sweatpants. “No, no, no! You can’t do sweatpants,” she said. “Ladies, number one cause of divorce in America? Sweatpants! No, can’t do that.” You know what, she’s right! Now, of course, Eva Mendes was joking, and our culture of knee-jerk outrage went into a tizzy claiming that people can wear [whatever they want at home alone](http://defamer.gawker.com/dont-listen-to-eva-mendes-wear-sweatpants-1692443546) or that sometimes [busy moms just need to wear something simple](http://www.babble.com/entertainment/no-eva-mendes-sweatpants-dont-cause-divorce/). I don’t disagree with those points either, but they seem to be intentionally misunderstanding what Mendes has to say. I will be the first person to defend any person’s right to do and wear whatever they want in their own home, even if they want to parade around in their birthday suit while watching old episodes of _Nashville_ on the DVR. Hey, it’s your life, buddy. The difference is when you share your life and your home with someone else. My boyfriend, a man who spends more on clothes than some people do on rent, gets in the door after work and strips off his immaculately conceived outfit and puts on a pair of navy blue Adidas basketball shorts, what he likes to call “comfy pants.” I can’t stand it, and I see how it could lead to divorce. The problem with Mendes’s quote is that it was a joke and is not intended to be taken literally. I’m not going to divorce my boyfriend because, well, we’re not married (neither are Mendes and her super fine babydaddy Ryan Gosling), but I’m also not going to break up with him over the “comfy pants.” But while the sweatpants in my case are quite literal, the spirit of the comment is not quite literal. When I heard what Mendes had to say, what I heard was not “sweatpants” and “divorce” but something more along the lines of, “If you let yourself slide in your relationship, it’s going to spell trouble.” The sweatpants could be anything. The “sweatpants” are a guy who doesn’t bother ironing his shirt anymore before date night. The “sweatpants” are no longer making the bed even though your partner prefers hospital corners. The “sweatpants” are not waiting for your spouse to catch up on _House of Cards_ so that you can finish staring at Robin Wright’s perfect hair together. The “sweatpants” are not bringing flowers home or not having sex regularly or gaining 20 pounds or peeing with the door open or buying your partner a present just because. The sweatpants are familiarity and the contempt that they breed. Familiarity is one of the great things about being in a long-term relationship, the possibility to be so comfortable around another person that you can just be yourself. But it’s also dangerous territory. The problem is when your real self is sometimes a little bit less desirable than the ideal version of you that your partner saw in your first few months of courtship, when the emotion was high and those intoxicating love hormones in your brain were freely flowing. That’s why, sometimes, we have to give up our comfort and do something a little special for our significant other. That’s what Mendes was talking about, giving up on her sweatpants sometimes to show that she’s making an effort for Ryan Gosling. (After all, who wouldn’t make a bit of an effort for Ryan Gosling?) And it is a very easy way to derive pleasure in your relationship. My favorite days are when I come home from work and my boyfriend is sitting on the couch still in his suit and tie looking just like the handsome man who picked me up for our first date. Not only does he look better in real clothes (sorry, Adidas) but it also shows that he’s putting my opinion first and that he cares enough to be a little bit uncomfortable for an extra hour or two. If my boyfriend stopped doing things like that, well, then it might be time to consider a breakup. Relationships are about two people and knowing when you need to put someone else’s needs and preferences above yours. The sweatpants aren’t a real thing, but they are a symptom of a larger complacency that can be toxic to a lifetime of happiness. The sweatpants, whatever they are, should be taken very seriously. Mendes later apologized both to her sweatpants and anyone who took offense [on Instagram](https://instagram.com/p/0cPzdDBJvD/), saying she knows that they aren’t the number one cause of divorce, orange Crocs are. Gosling also piped up to defend his partner, [tweeting that it was a joke](https://twitter.com/RyanGosling/status/578748095959158784) and that he was wearing sweatpants while typing. This is a symptom of a healthy relationship, having each other’s back when the other is facing adversity. But we already knew these two had a strong bond, because Mendes truly understands that sometimes you have to put a little bit of work into keep the spark alive, even if that means keeping your pants on for a little bit longer than you would like. _Read next:_ [_Eva Mendes Takes a Stand Against the Tyranny of Sweatpants_](http://time.com/3751917/eva-mendes-sweatpants/?iid=time%5Freadnext) [_Listen to the most important stories of the day._](http://time.com/newsletter/the-brief/?sl%5Fautoplay=true&xid=spl-fullbrief-article) ## Transcript And we're here talking about Love and Money. When you're looking for love, do you have a financial deal breaker? Well the recent survey by Experian found that half of married couples belive credit scores were key in picking their partner. So if you found out that your date had a massive credit card balance, or a horrible credit score, would you run in the other direction? Tiffany, you've been with your steady for about a year and a half. Mm- hm. Shannon, you're married, and Mario, you're with your lovely lady, not married yet. Mm- hm. Let's say that you learn that your significant other suddenly oh, by the way, I've got piles and piles of debt and I never told you. How would you react, Tiffany? I'd say it depends. What kind of debt is it? Is it student loan debt? Which kind of makes sense. Is it, maybe you have a mortgage, which would make sense. Now if it's credit card debt, and you are continuing to display those bad habits, then maybe I'm gonna have an issue with that. Because it means that we're not gonna get ahead for. But I'm gonna challenge you. Mm- hm. Cuz these days, student loans could be six figures. Yes. Mario. That's me. I'm talking about, you have over six, well, six figures in, in student loan debt. Correct. Right. Well, you brought this up to your girlfriend you were kind of nervous about it. I was, yeah, I was pretty nervous, very nervous, in fact. You know, I did the whole, like ,. You know, we have to talk listen we need to have a serious conversation, so we'll set time aside for that sort of thing. Her reaction is basically something like, yeah, I figured, you know. Really? Yes, yes. I mean, she knew I had gone to grad school and she knew I finished pretty recently, can't take it back. At what point did you break this information? Oh, gosh. I think it was a. Maybe five or six dates in, I think. Okay, wow. Yeah, maybe a month or so after we started dating. Good for you, good for you. Yeah. Not everyone's as transparent. Shannon, you're married. Let's just say hypothetically he says, comes to you and says, hey sweetie, guess what? I actually have this, you know, car payment or this student loan, or this outstanding credit card bill that I never paid. Wouldn't it tick you off? Yeah at this point after the amount of budgeting talks we've had that was certainly be a problem. But I was in Mario's situation, you know, when my husband was my boyfriend and talked about moving in. I realized if we going to get serious I should tell him that I have student loan debt and credit card debt and I was terrified. You know. I didn't think he was going to leave me per sayed if we. Thought is he going to think I'm irresponsible? Is he going to judge me? Will this change the way I look in his eyes? So it was a very difficult conversation but definitely glad I had it. Well what do you think about this experience survey that says credit scores are actually quite important to people in the dating world? How important is something like our credit scores these days? Well for me because I teach people to raise their credit scores my boyfriend's credit score was in the. High 500's, which is basically terrible and so I helped him and coached him and got him to the mid 700's, which is excellent. So your credit score, to me, is not as important, as long as you are willing to take the steps to improve it. What's your biggest financial deal breaker? Consistent behavior of spending more than you make and not saving for the future and not. And really not having a plan and not sticking to anything. Alright. Well thank you so much for sharing and being candid and honest on a topic that's kind of touchy. But you guys, sounds like you're in good relationships and there's a lot of communication. So good luck to you and happy New Year. For more Love and Money videos stay here at money. com. 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