--- description: "Damn, you guys were brutal," Bieber said title: The 21 Best Jokes from the Roast of Justin Bieber image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt057e977e894f0352/698783a48e06011bba45ac81/justin-bieber-roast1.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Entertainment](/section/entertainment/) ## Entertainment Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [celebrities](/tag/celebrities/) ## celebrities Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # The 21 Best Jokes From the Roast of Justin Bieber by [People](/author/people/) ## People Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Mar 16, 2015 11:51 AM CUT  Honoree Justin Bieber speaks onstage at The Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber at Sony Pictures Studios in Los Angeles on March 14, 2015. Honoree Justin Bieber speaks onstage at The Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber at Sony Pictures Studios in Los Angeles on March 14, 2015.Kevin Winter—Getty Images by [People](/author/people/) ## People Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Mar 16, 2015 11:51 AM CUT Host [Kevin Hart](http://www.peoplestylewatch.com/people/stylewatch/package/article/0,,20881794%5F20903362,00.html "undefined") said it best in the first few minutes of Comedy Central’s [Justin Bieber Roast](http://www.people.com/article/justin-bieber-roast-martha-stewart-snoop-dog "undefined"): “Tonight we are gonna do what parents and the legal system should have done a long time – give the boy an ass-whuppin’ he deserves.” And with that, the shellacking of the 21-year-old pop star began, starting with a video montage that included all of Bieber’s embarrassing legal woes and continuing with a tidal wave of cracks about the singer’s pre-pubescent fanbase, his goofy songs and [all those appearances](http://www.people.com/article/justin-bieber-ellen-degeneres-bathroom-prank "undefined") on _Ellen_. And that was just when Ludacris, comedian Natasha Legerro and Shaquille O’Neal took the stage Saturday on the Sony lot outside of Hollywood, the site of the Bieber roast taping. How _exactly_ does a panel of African-American rappers, comedians, a ex-basketball player and a professional homemaker roast a guy like Bieber? With gleeful abandon and lots of bleeps by the standards and practices department. Besides countless f-bombs and references to female sex organs, there were nine [Bill Cosby](http://www.people.com/people/news/category/0,,personsTax:BillCosby,00.html "undefined") jokes, three [Bruce Jenner](http://www.people.com/people/news/category/0,,personsTax:BruceJenner,00.html "undefined") yuks and way too many [Selena Gomez](http://www.people.com/people/selena%5Fgomez "undefined") references to count. Ron Burgundy – a.k.a. [Will Ferrell](http://www.people.com/people/news/category/0,,personsTax:WillFerrell,00.html "undefined") – made a surprise appearance, and first-time roaster [Martha Stewart](http://www.people.com/people/news/category/0,,personsTax:MarthaStewart,00.html "undefined") absolutely killed. All the while, a purple suit-wearing Bieber either slapped his knee while busting a gut or sat quietly, looking like a frightened deer. “Damn, you guys were brutal,” Bieber said at the end of the roast. “This was supposed to be a birthday present. When people ask me what I got for my 21st birthday, I’ll tell them I got my d— kicked in. I should have known.” And then, in an expected serious turn, Bieber looked straight into the camera and apologized for his past behavior. “I lost some of my best qualities,” he said. “I’m looking forward to being someone to be proud of. Someone close to me once said how you rise from a fall is how you are truly defined as a man.” The roast that attracted guests like John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, Kourtney Kardashian and Dave Chappelle doesn’t air until March 30 on Comedy Central. But here are 21 of the night’s best jokes that should tide you over until the big night: “Bieber has 10 million fans – most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one.” – Kevin Hart “Congratulations [Hannibal Buress](http://www.people.com/article/jay-leno-bill-cosby-rape-scandal "undefined"), you are only the Bill Cosby accuser making money off of him.” – Snoop Dogg “I always encouraged people to stay classy. And what’s more classy than hanging out with Floyd Mayweather?” – Ron Burgundy “Justin’s fan are called beliebers because it’s politically incorrect to use the word retards.” – Natasha Legerro “A lot of people are upset that Justin hasn’t won a Grammy. There is Martha Stewart. She can be your grammy.” – Jeff Ross “Justin, I don’t like your music. I think it’s bad, man. I hate your music. I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy.” – Hannibal Buress “Selena Gomez couldn’t be here tonight. Just because she didn’t want to be here.” – Kevin Hart “Jeff Ross, you’re the only person on this dais making 95 percent of your yearly income tonight.” – Hannibal Buress “Kevin is the only celebrity with a star on the yellow brick road.” – Shaquille O’Neal “Martha is so old, her first period was the Renaissance.” – _SNL_‘s Pete Davidson “Justin as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that high. And he uses your music to torture people.” – Shaquille O’Neal “Chris D’Elia is here. He’s Justin’s favorite comedian. Wow. What an endorsement. That’s like being Shaq’s favorite poet.”– Jeffrey Ross “I’ve come up with a douche that no one has ever heard of, you know, like Chris D’Elia.” – Martha Stewart “Hannibal Buress is famous for exposing Cosby. He’s only famous for exposing Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby hurt those women without ever caring about the consequences … that Hannibal Buress would become famous.” – Pete Davidson “Justin, you are the King Joffrey of Pop.”– Jeffrey Ross “All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.” – Natasha Legerro “Justin wants to be black so bad he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.” – Ludacris “He’s Justin Bieber’s favorite comic, which is why he has ‘duh’ in the middle of his name.” – Kevin Hart, introducing Chris D’Elia “Those Calvin Klein billboards you made are terrible. And I was in _Whitney_.” – Chris D’Elia “Kevin, you are everywhere. He is going to be on the next season of _Game of Thrones_. He’s going to play Peter Dinklage’s shadow.” – Natasha Legerro “What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.” – Justin Bieber _This_ [_article_](http://www.people.com/article/justin-bieber-roast-comedy-central-kevin-hart "undefined") _originally appeared on_ [_People.com_](http://www.people.com/people/ "undefined")_._ _Read next:_ [_21 Things You (Maybe) Didn’t Know About Justin Bieber_](http://time.com/3721946/justin-bieber-facts-trivia/?iid=time%5Freadnext "undefined") ### See Justin Bieber Over the Years  Justin Bieber visits the Nintendo World Store in 2009. Mark Von Holden—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs on Good Morning America: Weekend Edition in 2009. Anthony Randell—ABC/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs on Today at Rockefeller Center in New York City in 2009. Theo Wargo—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Ill. in 2009. Raymond Boyd—Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs onstage during Z100's Jingle Ball 2009 at Madison Square Garden in New York City in 2009. Bryan Bedder—Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs during TNT's Christmas in Washington 2009 at the National Building Museum in Washington, DC in 2009. Kevin Mazur—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at Pepsi Super Bowl Fan Jam on February 4, 2010 in Miami Beach, Fla. Troy Rizzo—Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs onstage at the 2010 Nickelodeon Upfront Presentation at Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. in 2010. Bryan Bedder—Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs on The View in 2010. Steve Fenn—ABC/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at 102.7 KIIS-FM's Wango Tango 2010 show, held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, Calif. in 2010. Jason LaVeris—FilmMagic/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at Sun National Bank Center in Trenton, NJ in 2010. Mark Von Holden—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, Calif. in 2010. Jason LaVeris—FilmMagic/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs on stage at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards held at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, Calif. in 2010. Kevin Mazur—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs onstage at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, Calif. in 2010. Kevin Winter—Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at Staples Center in Los Angeles, Calif. in 2010. Jason LaVeris—FilmMagic/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at the Atlantic City Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, NJ in 2010. Donald Kravitz—Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs onstage at the 2010 American Music Awards held at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, Calif. in 2010. Christopher Polk—Getty Images  Jaden Smith and Justin Bieber perform onstage during Z100's Jingle Ball 2010 presented by H&M at Madison Square Garden in New York City in 2010. Kevin Mazur—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs on stage at Ahoy in Rotterdam, Netherlands in 2011. Rob Verhorst—Redferns/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs onstage during the MTV Europe Music Awards 2011 live show at the Odyssey Arena in Belfast, Northern Ireland in 2011. Jeff Kravitz—FilmMagic/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs during Christmas in Washington 2011 at the National Building Museum in Washington, DC in 2011. Theo Wargo—WireImage/Getty Images  Tina Fey and Justin Bieber appear on Saturday Night Live. Dana Edelson—NBC/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at the Izod Center in East Rutherford, NJ in 2012. Bennett Raglin—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs onstage at the 40th American Music Awards held at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, Calif. in 2012. Alexandra Wyman—FilmMagic/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at Madison Square Garden in New York City in 2012. Kevin Mazur—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at Madison Square Garden in New York City in 2012. Kevin Mazur—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs during his Believe tour at Hallenstadion Zurich, Switzerland in 2013. The Image Gate/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs on stage at Olympiahalle in Munich, Germany in 2013. Stefan M. Prager—Redferns/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs during his Believe Tour at Barclays Center in Brooklyn, NY in 2013. Kevin Mazur—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs at Philips Arena in Atlanta, Ga. in 2013. Chris McKay—WireImage/Getty Images  Justin Bieber performs during Day 3 of Coachella in Indio, Calif. on April 13, 2014. Kevin Winter—Getty Images [_Listen to the most important stories of the day._](http://time.com/newsletter/the-brief/?sl%5Fautoplay=true&xid=spl-fullbrief-article "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3745653/justin-bieber-roast/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3745653/justin-bieber-roast/"},"headline":"The 21 Best Jokes From the Roast of Justin Bieber","datePublished":"2015-03-16T11:51:21.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T05:05:03.524Z","description":"\"Damn, you guys were brutal,\" Bieber said","url":"https://time.com/3745653/justin-bieber-roast/","keywords":["celebrities"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt057e977e894f0352/698783a48e06011bba45ac81/justin-bieber-roast1.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"People","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/people/"}],"articleSection":"Entertainment","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt057e977e894f0352/698783a48e06011bba45ac81/justin-bieber-roast1.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"The Comedy Central Roast Of Justin Bieber - Show","caption":"The Comedy Central Roast Of Justin Bieber - Show","creditText":"Kevin Winter—Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/entertainment/","name":"Entertainment"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/celebrities/","name":"celebrities"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3745653/justin-bieber-roast/","name":"The 21 Best Jokes From the Roast of Justin Bieber"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Justin Bieber Readies For His 21st Birthday Roast","description":"After a year of making headlines for all the wrong reasons, Justin Bieber is getting his own Comedy Central roast to mark his 21st birthday.","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/BBdc673F/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2015-02-28T16:58:35.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/BBdc673F.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/3745653/justin-bieber-roast/","duration":"PT1M15S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/3745653/justin-bieber-roast/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```