5 Solid Party Tips from Presidential History

5 minute read

The office of the U.S. President is perhaps the most powerful in the world, so it makes sense that the men who have held it are often seen as paragons of gravitas and good judgment. But, in researching my book Party Like a President: True Tales of Inebriation, Lechery, and Mischief from the Oval Office, my book’s illustrator John Mathias and I discovered that every commander-in-chief has had his vices. Yes, even George Washington—who had a four-glass-per-afternoon wine habit.

Good for them while the rest of us tarnish in the workforce drudgery, right? But look on the bright side: At least now we have access to professional lessons in nightlife from some of the most ambitious historical figures in our nation’s history. Here are five that, hopefully, will bring the rest of us similar good fortune.

Drink up at every toast. In the case of James Monroe, whose goodwill tour of 1817 stretched from Maine to Maryland, the last president to wear a tri-cornered hat lifted a glass almost every night for four months at local receptions—and it apparently helped improve relations between federal and municipal governments. From the strike of 6 o’clock to roughly midnight, Monroe downed a steady stream of rich sweet Madeira, the popular varietal at the time, which contained an overwhelming 20% alcohol. “They would hit an average of 30 or 40 toasts,” says Dan Preston, editor of James Monroe’s papers at the University of Mary Washington. “For each toast, they would drink a glass of wine and sing a song.” Just imagine the dishwashing scene in The Hobbit, but everyone’s in knee breeches.

From Eleanor to Michelle: See The Inside Scoop on First Lady Fashion

07/06/1998 - D:BOB2Madison5.tif - slug: WK/MONTPELIER. date: 7/6/98. photographer: Robert A. Reede
Left: A portrait of Dolly Madison, circa 1800; right: Dolly Madison's famous red dress on display at the home on James Madison in Montpelier, Va. Getty Images (2)
First Lady Fashion Mrs., Abraham Lincoln
Mrs. Mary Todd Lincoln, wife of Abraham Lincoln, in 1863. Getty Images
Harriet Lane
Portrait of Harriet Lane, circa 1860s. Harriet Lane was the first "acting First Lady" to her uncle, life-long bachelor, President James Buchanan. Getty Images
First Lady Fashion Grace Coolidge
Mrs. Grace Coolidge, the First Lady to Calvin Coolidge, in 1925. Getty Images
Eleanor Roosevelt wears Arnold Constable gown she will wear
Eleanor Roosevelt wears the Arnold Constable gown she will wear to the White House diplomatic corps reception, Nov. 10, 1939. NY Daily News Archive/Getty Images
First Lady Fashion Mrs. Richard M. Nixon;Mrs. Dwight D. Eisenhower
Mrs. Mamie Eisenhower (L) sharing her fur with Mrs. Patricia Nixon on a chilly night in 1952. Ed Clark—The TIME & LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
First Lady Fashion Jacqueline Kennedy
First Lady Jackie Kennedy wearing a fitted silk apricot dress and triple strand of pearls, walking through crowds during a visit to Udaipur, India on March 1, 1962. Art Rickerby—The TIME & LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Lady Bird Johnson
Lady Bird JohnsonBettmann/Corbis
First Lady Fashion Pat Nixon
Mrs. Patricia Nixon at home reading the newspaper in Washington, 1960.Ed Clark—The TIME & LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Nancy Reagan, decked out in red lace dress & gold
Nancy Reagan, decked out in red lace dress, gold earrings and necklace set, at "President's dinner" in Washington on May 11, 1988.Diana Walker—TTime & Life Pictures/Getty Images
First Lady Fashion Hillary Clinton
First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton in the White House Rose Garden during a meeting with the League of Women Voters in Washington on June 7, 1993. Cynthia Johnson—The TIME & LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
US-VOTE-2012-DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION
First Lady Michelle Obama waves to supporters on the first day of the Democratic National Convention at the Time Warner Cable Arena in Charlotte, N.C. on Sept. 4, 2012 Stan Honda—AFP/Getty Images

Pour ’em stout … for guests. If you want to one-up your friends and frenemies—because, really, what’s the point of a social life anyway if you can’t best your stumbling peers?—tear out a page from Lyndon B. Johnson’s power-tripping playbook. In the 1950s, when the ill-tempered, Machiavellian legislator occupied Capitol rooms S-211 and S-212, staff was under orders to make visitors’ scotch-and-sodas with at least two to three more ounces of Cutty Sark than the Senate majority leader’s. “His drinks could have no more than an ounce of liquor in it,” says one secretary, “and if there was more than an ounce, you were in trouble.”

Barf happens. Ask George H.W. Bush how that Tokyo state dinner on Jan. 8, 1992 went. After battling a flu bug all day, the 41st prez couldn’t keep anything down. He’d already ruined one necktie in the bathroom before sitting down to cold salmon with caviar and beef medallions. But, when the time came for the big network-TV hurl, Bush Sr. took it in stride. “Why don’t you roll me under the table and I’ll sleep it off while you finish,” he told Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa. Though Bush’s unfortunate photo op wasn’t caused by drinking, his unembarrassed example is one a partier might want to keep in mind. And Bush Sr. wasn’t the only public puker who resided at 1600 Penn. Ulysses S. Grant was often wrongly prescribed brandy for his migraine headaches, which resulted in his reputation as a reckless drunk. During an inspection tour of a Union Army brigade, the Civil War hero projectile-vomited onto his horse’s neck and shoulders.

Sometimes, it’s worth experimenting—but not on others. This one’s a “don’t” rather than a “do.” One of the less romantic moments in all of John F. Kennedy’s career involved treating a staffer/plaything as if she were a gerbil purchased from the local PetSmart. One night at the executive mansion, brother-in-law and revered Rat Packer Peter Lawford stopped by to offer the president a dose of amyl nitrite — the chemical compound that later became popular as a club drug known for providing inflated senses of time and sexual prowess. Rather than snapping the pressurized glass capsule beneath his own Yankee nostrils, JFK balked. Instead, he gave the poppers to one of his interns and watched as she writhed around on the White House carpet. Always a charmer, that Kennedy. So yeah, don’t do that.

Photos: How Presidents Take Vacation

US President Barack Obama reacts to a missed putt on the first green at Farm Neck Golf Club in Oak Bluffs, Mass. on August 11, 2013 during the Obama family vacation to Martha's Vineyard.
Obama tends to take a winter break in Hawaii, where he was born and raised, and a summer vacation in Martha's Vineyard. In between, he plays basketball and has been known to do some skeet shooting at Camp David. His favorite pastime, no matter the location, has become easy to spot: golf.Jim Watson—AFP/Getty Images
President Bush vacations on his ranch on August 24, 2007 in Crawford, Texas.
Fishing is in the Bush family DNA: for blues off the coast of Maine or anything with fins, almost anywhere else. George W. Bush relaxed as president by jogging and clearing brush on his Texas ranch near Waco. Since leaving office, he has become an avid mountain biker and, more recently, has taken up painting.Charles Ommanney—Getty Images
Rear view of Pres. Bill Clinton and First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton wearing casual clothes and sitting on tree stumps while on vacation.
Clinton was never much good at vacationing. His staff had to practically force him to go on vacation his first year in office; his idea of relaxing was reading books while enjoying a cigar (chewed, not smoked). He sometimes played golf, but his somewhat elastic interpretation of the rules could drive his partners crazy.Bob McNeely—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Vice President George Bush tries to catch a fish August 1983 in Kennebunkport, ME.
Vice President George Bush tries to catch a fish in August, 1983 in Kennebunkport, Maine. The small town would sometimes be clogged with traffic when Bush, as Vice President and later as President, would visit, reporters in tow. Cynthia Johnson—Getty Images
President Reagan and Nancy Reagan riding on their new lawn mower, an anniversary present, at Rancho Del Cielo. 3/4/82.
"There is nothing so good for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse." That's what Nancy Reagan liked to say about why her husband often liked to go horseback riding while on vacation as his ranch near Santa Barbara, California. Above, the 'horse' was a riding mower.Reagan Foundation
Vice President Gerald Ford
President Ford and First Lady Betty chose Mauna Kea Beach, Hawaii on the Big Island for a getaway vacation in 1974, but they couldn’t escape the prying eyes of the press. Here, the president, a former All American football player at Michigan, turned his movie camera on a familiar photographer.David Hume Kennerly—Getty Images
Lyndon Johnson Herding Cattle
Johnson preferred his 2,700 acre Texas Hill country ranch to posh resorts, and he hosted guests there year-round. He owned 400 head of cattle and delighted in playing cowboy for visiting dignitaries. He also took guests for a ride in his tricked out amphibious car, surprising them by turning off road and into a pond.Bettmann/Corbis
President Lyndon B. Johnson relaxes in his pool with his grandson Lyn and the First Family's new dog, Yuki.
Johnson relaxes in his pool with his grandson Lyn and the First Family's new dog, Yuki, in 1968.Yoichi Okamoto—Corbis
JFK began competitive sailing in his youth. The president often snuck away for a bit of solitude on the Honey Fitz, his 92-foot power yacht on the Potomac. But being a talented sailor, his favorite was the Manitou, a 62-foot sailing yacht he first spotted as a young senator. Robert Leroy Knudsen—National Archives
Coolidge
In 1928, Calvin and Grace Coolidge spent their last presidential Thanksgiving at a beautiful Italianate villa, the Swannanoa Country Club, near Rockfish Gap on the summit of the Blue Ridge mountains in Virginia. The palatial mansion reportedly pleased the first lady. AP
President Roosevelt Catching a Fish
FDR's polio limited his vacation options. He began visiting Warm Springs, Georgia in 1924 for its curative waters and later built a 2000 acre polio treatment center nearby. He liked to cruise the Potomac on the presidential yacht and three times as President returned to Campobello, in New Brunswick, Canada.Bettmann/Corbis
08/18/1998 - - slug: NA/CLINTON VACATION date: 8/18/98 - photographer: Robert A. Reeder TWP South La
Clinton, his daughter Chelsea, center, and wife Hillary walk with Buddy from the White House toward a helicopter as they depart for vacation en route to Martha's Vineyard, Mass. Robert A. Reeder—The Washington Post/Getty Images

Commit to a routine. The patriarchal wisdom of Esquire Magazine has suggested in several articles over the years to avoid wasting time on flowery cocktail menus and, instead, to have your drink selection predetermined before even approaching the barkeep. There’s something to this, perhaps, beyond that of a vague masculine expression to conceal an identity crisis. Harry Truman, a haberdasher turned senator who picked up plenty of common horse sense growing up in Independence, Mo., would slug a shot of Old-Grand-Dad every morning “to get the engine going.” At 5 a.m., Truman’s day began as always with eggs, bacon and toast. That followed shortly with a two-mile walk, a quick shower and, before suiting up, an ounce of 100-proof whiskey. “Whether the bourbon was on doctor’s orders, or a bit of old-fashioned home medicine of the kind many of his generation thought beneficial to the circulation . . . is not known,” wrote historian David McCullough. “But it seemed to agree with him.”

Workman Publishing

More tales of White House partying can be found in Party Like a President, out on Feb. 10. Brian Abrams is also the author of AND NOW…An Oral History of “Late Night with David Letterman, 1982-1993.

More Must-Reads From TIME

Contact us at letters@time.com