December 30, 2014 5:41 PM EST

In 2015, Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice will go to prison. While there, she will avoid “bad carbs.”

In a truly surreal video released Tuesday — just six days before she reports to FCI Danbury to serve a 15-month sentence for fraud — Guidice reflects on her plans for the new year, smile fixed, champagne flute in hand.

“Going forward, I would like to stop eating bad carbs,” Giudice tells fellow Housewife Dina Manzo while nodding her head emphatically from a gold balloon-filled room we can only imagine is located in an alternate reality replete with #HealthyLiving prison cafeterias.

“That’s a good one,” Manzo replies.

Giudice also resolves to “build” a better butt (feasible), only surround herself with positive people (questionable), and try to purge herself of her excessive goods (not only attainable, but mandatory).

If possible, things takes a turn for the even more unhinged when Manzo declares, “I want to be more spontaneous this year. If I want to go away somewhere, I’m just going to let that happen and people will figure things out.”

“You should!” Giudice says, head still bobbing. “I have four little ones, so I can’t do that.”

Oh, honey.

Contact us at

Read More From TIME

Related Stories