By Melissa Locker
December 10, 2014

A few weeks ago, Nick Offerman stopped by Conan’s late night talk show to sell his hand-crafted wooden emojis, for when you care enough to text in high-quality oak. As Offerman said, it’s a “more old-fashioned, more personal, more American mode of communication.”

While the commercial started out as a joke, Conan knew a good thing when he saw it and teamed up with Tilt.com to produce a limited run of the high quality, yet highly impractical, emojis and sell them with all proceeds going to a great cause — the Children’s Defense Fund.

The first batch sold out quickly, but in the great capitalist tradition, Conan is producing a second batch of the world’s heaviest emojis for charity. For $100 you can send someone you love an extremely heavy Smiley Face, Heart Eyes, The Wink, The Cat or the always popular Pile of Poo. For $300 you can send your loved one a pine-based emoji sentence sure to warm the cockles of their heart (or their fireplace, if they choose to use them as kindling). If hand-crafted whimsy isn’t enough to entice you to open your wallet, purchasers will also receive Andy Richter’s official “Certificate of Reluctant Philanthropy,” sure to impress both your parents and potential dates.

Head to Tilt now to wrap up that Christmas shopping with wooden emojis for all.

Contact us at editors@time.com.

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