Like the wilds of a Serengeti watering hole, the office snack room can be a place to hydrate and socialize. It can also become a prime location to discuss the unfortunate rendition of ‘Eye of the Tiger’ you drunkenly belted at your company’s monthly happy hour. Everyone loves the life of the party, but if you’re edging more on the side of hot mess than employee of the month, here are some tips that will help you keep your job, and self-respect.
1. Limit alcohol.
Patti Stanger of Millionaire Matchmaker fame doesn’t eschew drinking more than two glasses of wine at a time for nothing. She knows that her dateable candidates, half of which are already train wrecks sober, would only further careen out of control with extra booze. Being a teetotaler isn’t a necessity, nor especially advised if your co-workers are supremely boring. Just know your limits. If there’s any takeaway lesson from this article, that should be it.
2. Outfit-wise, channel more Kate Middleton than Kate Upton.
I’m going to guess that you leave straight from the office to the bar, dressed in your nine to five finest. But on the off-chance that you have the luxury of stopping at home first to freshen up, leave anything that could also be worn to a seedy nightclub or Bikram yoga class behind. When in doubt, just think WWKMD? And that’s What Would Kate Middleton Do for those of you who don’t already use it on a daily basis.
3. Be proactive in the office invites.
It can be easy to sit back and let the Outlook and FB invites just come to you. But taking on the really-not-arduous task of selecting a bar and inviting people to it can earn you office points. It shows you actually like the people around you at work. Or at least that you pretend to. Either way you look like a nice person, so you should probably just do it.
4. Don’t start to overshare.
Mentioning that you’re recently single is a nice form of conversational currency to exchange with your office mate. It opens the door to conversation that doesn’t revolve around Microsoft Excel or board meetings. Mentioning every gory detail of your breakup and subsequent loss of self that you’re currently experiencing just makes you seem like a screw’s loose somewhere. Try to walk the fine tightrope between personal and psychotic.
5. Don’t be that guy/girl (who only talks about work).
On the flip side of point #4 is that person who just doesn’t understand how discussing the status of their project and projected sales volumes for 2015 is so painfully annoying. The whole point of a happy hour is to enjoy a G+T and forget how you just spent the previous eight hours of your day. If you feel the itch to talk ad nauseam about work, schedule a conference call for the following day. Don’t torture those around you.
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