December 2, 2014 1:35 PM EST

There is no shortage of documented reasons why Drake would make an ideal boyfriend, but at the end of the day, only Love & Hip-Hop alumna K. Michelle has gone so far as to write a song about them.

In “Drake Would Love Me,” which reads like a romantic R&B song written by Dr. Seuss, Michelle enumerates Drake’s finest qualities: he would show her off at the Grammys; he would treat her like “his grand prize”; he wouldn’t lie; he wouldn’t make her cry; he wouldn’t “play no games”; he would “always be the same.” It’s certainly more tasteful than anything Amanda Bynes has to say on the matter.

But this song isn’t just for minutes of non-stop Drake worship. Lest you think Michelle’s new song is the product of some low self-esteem, she points out why she’d be a good match for the former Degrassi star: basically, she’d be the best he ever had in bed. Listen to the song, below, and see how many other references to Drake’s catalog you can catch before K. Michelle’s new album Anybody Wanna Buy a Heart? drops Dec. 9.

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