This Is Your Most Valuable Skill

Ideas

November 5, 2014 4:09 PM EST

Assertiveness (even if you’re an introvert) will help you gain respect and save your dignity when you’re under verbal attack from an angry or unreasonable person.

Here’s a little trick:

Respond calmly using as few words as possible. Use simple sentence structure and key words only — going round the houses shows anxiety and indicates you may not know what you’re talking about or what you’re trying to say.

Finish on a strongest word/phrase you can think of that summarises your point (e.g. “I said many times before I have dyslexia. No one can argue against learning disabilities,” or “And for this reason I find you misinformed.”)

Meet the other person’s gaze and hold it for as many seconds as you can until you start feeling uncomfortable.

Do not say anything else, even when provoked. It is incredibly important that you don’t.

The awkward silence will make the aggressive person say lots of things in return (first of all, to fill the awkward gap in communication, then to counter-attack you) but none of their statements will have the same psychological effect as the last thing you said followed by your silence and gaze.

You’ve won. The first person to speak after you’ve created the powerful silence loses. They will also know it and find it incredibly difficult to deal with your assertiveness. They will crumble.

Now think of different media personalities who use the trick all the time, or interviews with politicians. Some celebrities unfortunately abuse it, just think of Simon Cowell.

This question originally appeared on Quora: What is the most valuable skill a person can have for their entire life?

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