TIME’s 2014 Election Night Drinking Game

3 minute read
By Alex Altman

It has all come down to this. After two years of sloganeering, more than $2 billion in ads, and all the phony umbrage the two parties could muster, it’s finally time for America to vote.

The truth is that Election Night can be kind of a bore, at least until the returns start rolling in. So: might we suggest a beverage? If you’re a Republican, you should have plenty to celebrate; if you’re a Democrat, the booze may help numb the pain. Either way, pour yourself a drink, and raise your glass to one of democracy’s great glorious rituals.

Here are TIME’s 2014 Election Night drinking game suggestions:

  • “Ground game.” The key is to pace yourself. Drink one sip.
  • An incumbent is described as “embattled.” Drink three sips.
  • A Taylor Swift reference. Drink three.
  • “It will all come down to turnout.” Finish your drink.
  • John King doodles on his Magic Wall. Drink one.
  • A network presents publicly available information as an exclusive. Drink three.
  • Hologram sighting. Finish your drink.
  • A Democratic dynasty candidate loses. This includes: Mark Begich, Jason Carter, Andrew Cuomo, Mary Landrieu, Michelle Nunn, Mark Pryor, Mark Udall. Drink one. Let’s not go crazy.
  • Democrats win a battleground state: Alaska, Arkansas, Colorado, Iowa, Georgia, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, New Hampshire or North Carolina. Finish your drink.
  • A winning candidate thanks God. Drink one.
  • A winning candidate thanks his or her big donors. Drink three.
  • A winning candidate thanks Barack Obama. Finish your drink.
  • An anchor or correspondent cites an obscure, “crucial” county that may determine the fate of a race. Drink one.
  • You’ve heard of the county. Drink three.
  • Because you’ve heard of the county, you know the person touting its importance just mangled its name. Finish your drink.
  • A Democratic pundit points to the history of midterm losses for a sitting president. Drink one.
  • A Republican describes a win as a “mandate.” Drink one.
  • Newt Gingrich uses an out-of-proportion superlative. Drink three.
  • A media pundit advises Obama to “hit the reset button” or fire people who were in no way responsible for anything that transpired on Election Night. Finish your drink.
  • A winning candidate praises an opponent that he or she has been brutally savaging for months. Drink one.
  • The number of American flags on stage at a candidate’s victory speech exceeds the number of Electoral College votes in that state. Drink three.
  • A winning candidate is not wearing a flag pin. Finish your drink.
  • The number of on-screen pundits discussing the political impact of the Ebola virus exceeds the number the Americans with the Ebola virus. Finish your drink.
  • Someone notes that there’s only 730 days until we do this again. It’s time to call it a night.

    • Feel free to add your own twists. Make sure to drink water. Don’t drink and drive. And remember: this is the greatest democracy on Earth, even though it can sometimes look like the silliest.

    See Where America Votes

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    Salvador Ponce, 73, leaves after casting his ballot at a polling place set up in the playground of a McDonald's restaurant in Los Angeles on Nov. 4, 2014.Jae C. Hong—AP
    Election Utah
    People vote at the polling place in Krishna Temple in Salt Lake City on Nov. 4, 2014. Rick Bowmer—AP
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    A woman votes at a polling station inside a local grocery store in National City, Calif. on Nov. 4, 2014. Mike Blake—Reuters
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    Sandy Anderson votes at Oakton Ice Arena in Park Ridge, Ill. on Nov. 4, 2014.Brian Kersey—Getty Images
    Larry Levatte
    Voter Larry Levatte casts his ballot inside the old Hoggards Mill Courthouse of Baker County in Newton, Ga. on Nov. 4, 2014. David Goldman—AP
    Deborah Brown, 60, emerges from the voting booth after casting her ballot on U.S. midterm election day morning at the West Philadelphia YMCA in Philadelphia
    Deborah Brown, 60, emerges from the voting booth after casting her ballot at the West Philadelphia YMCA in Philadelphia on Nov. 4, 2014. MARK MAKELA—REUTERS
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    A voter leaves his booth as election workers GayLee Erickson, left, and Debbie Redmond, second from left, confer at the Valley Bible Chalet, in Indian, Alaska on Nov. 4, 2014.Ted S. Warren—AP
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    A voter casts her ballot at a fire station in Climax, N.C. on Nov. 4, 2014.Alex Wong—Getty Images
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    A voter looks over her ballot for the U.S. midterm elections at a laundromat used as a polling station in Chicago on Nov. 4, 2014. Jim Young—Reuters
    A woman fills out her ballot at a polling place at a swimming pool on Election Day in Los Angeles
    A woman fills out her ballot at a polling place at a swimming pool in Los Angeles on Nov. 4, 2014. LUCY NICHOLSON—REUTERS
    APTOPIX America Votes
    Voters fill out their ballots in a gym on election day at St. Sophia Greek Orthodox Church in Albany, N.Y. on Nov. 4.Mike Groll—AP
    Voters fill in their ballots at a polling place located in Shoaf's Wagon Wheel during the U.S. midterm elections in Salisbury
    Voters fill in their ballots at a polling place located in Shoaf's Wagon Wheel in Salisbury, N.C. on Nov. 4, 2014. CHRIS KEANE—REUTERS
    Ferguson, Missouri Residents Vote On Election Day
    Residents cast their votes at a polling place in Ferguson, Mo. on Nov. 4, 2014.Scott Olson—Getty Images
    Voting in US Midterm Elections
    A voter drops her election ballot at one of many ballot drop boxes in the Arvada suburb of Denver on Nov. 4, 2014. BOB PEARSON—EPA
    Midterms Elections Held Across The U.S.
    A voter enters the voting booth at Bishop Leo E. O'Neil Youth Center in Manchester, N.H. on Nov. 4, 2014.Darren McCollester—Getty Images
    America Votes
    A voter leaves the Valley Bible Chalet polling location in Indian, Alaska on Nov. 4, 2014.Ted S. Warren—AP

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    Write to Alex Altman at alex_altman@timemagazine.com