--- description: From the offbeat to the downright offensive, a look back at the conservative pundit's greatest hits title: Stephen Colbert's 9 Truthiest 'Colbert Report' Quips image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt89a14ba136f5a020/698687f0361760b0e090b2f0/3colbert-close-up5470-1.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Entertainment](/section/entertainment/) ## Entertainment Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # Stephen Colbert's 9 Truthiest _Colbert Report_ Quips by [Samantha Grossman](/author/samantha-grossman/) ## Samantha Grossman Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Dec 15, 2014 5:00 PM CUT  NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 8: Host Stephen Colbert appears during the "Been There: Won That: The Returnification of the American-Do Troopscapeon" special of The Colbert Report on September 8, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Scott Gries/PictureGroup) NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 8: Host Stephen Colbert appears during the "Been There: Won That: The Returnification of the American-Do Troopscapeon" special of The Colbert Report on September 8, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Scott Gries/PictureGroup)Scott Gries—Picturegroup/Comedy Central by [Samantha Grossman](/author/samantha-grossman/) ## Samantha Grossman Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Dec 15, 2014 5:00 PM CUT Stephen Colbert’s eponymous alter ago—known for his hyper-conservative views and aggressively misinformed opinions—loves to talk. A lot. So much that it can be easy, at times, to miss some of his brilliantly absurd quips. So, to honor the faux pundit as he prepares for the last episode of _The Colbert Report_, we rounded up nine of his best lines—some that you probably remember, and others that you might have missed. From the offbeat to the downright offensive, here’s a look back at Colbert’s greatest hits. **1\. “Yesterday was full of losses for America, the greatest of which was beloved civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks. Which brings us to tonight’s word: overrated.”** **2\. “I don’t trust books—they’re all fact, no heart.”** **3\. “George Walker Bush: great president, or the greatest president?”** **4\. “Anyone can** **_read_** **the news** **_to_** **you. I promise to** **_feel_** **the news…** **_at_** **you.”** **5\. “…Which brings me to the No. 1 threat to America… stripper bears.”** **6\. “Folks, the skinnification of the American jeanscape has gone too far.”** **7\. “I can’t stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade … which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.”** **8\. “Christianity is the best way to cure gayness—just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.”** **9\. “Equations are the devil’s sentences.”** And, for good measure, here’s a quote from the out-of-character version of Stephen Colbert, when [asked](http://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-colbert-report/ "undefined") to describe his conservative alter ego: **“I think of him as a well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-status idiot.”** ### See 13 Stephen Colbert Cameos You Might Have Missed  The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - Lake-town Spy Todd Eyre—Warner Bros.  Exit 57 - Various Characters (pictured top left) Comedy Central  Dana Carvey Show - Various Characters ABC  Strangers With Candy - Chuck Noblet Comedy Central  Missing Persons - Chet Davies ABC  Saturday Night Live - Ace, The Ambiguously Gay Duo (pictured left) NBC  Spin City - Frank ABC  Simpsons - Colby Krause (pictured right) Fox  Curb Your Enthusiasm - Tourist HBO  American Dad! - Dr. R. Dandliker (pictured left) Fox  Bewitched - Stu Robinson (pictured left) Columbia  Mr. Peabody & Sherman - Paul Peterson 20th Century Fox  Monsters vs Aliens - President Hathaway Dreamworks ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3544235/stephen-colberts-9-truthiest-colbert-report-quips/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3544235/stephen-colberts-9-truthiest-colbert-report-quips/"},"headline":"Stephen Colbert's 9 Truthiest Colbert Report Quips","datePublished":"2014-12-15T17:00:46.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T05:07:15.442Z","description":"From the offbeat to the downright offensive, a look back at the conservative pundit's greatest hits","url":"https://time.com/3544235/stephen-colberts-9-truthiest-colbert-report-quips/","keywords":["Television","stephen colbert","comedy 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