Portland-Area Man Accused of Most Portlandian Crime Ever: Shoplifting With a Kilt

A Portland, Oregon, man is being accused of using a kilt to shoplift merchandise, KOIN reports.

Daniel Ducret, 37, allegedly tried to sneak a toy helicopter, phone charger, computer mouse, and other small items from Fry’s Electronics store into a pouch of the kilt, which reportedly looked like it had been enlarged for this purpose.

When Ducret returned the next day to repeat his crimes, staff called the the police, reports the Oregonian. He was arrested, taken to the Clackamas County Jail and charged with one count of second-degree theft. A sheriff’s sergeant noted to KOIN, “I don’t think there’s a graceful way to stick stuff inside a kilt.”

The only way the crime could have been more suitable for a Portlandia episode would be if Ducret had stolen organic gluten-free locally-made biscuits and then hopped onto his unicycle, put on his Darth Vader mask, and started playing the bagpipes.

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