--- --- # The 9 Circles of Hell for Millennials by [Laura Stampler](https://time.com/author/laura-stampler/) ## Laura Stampler Jul 30, 2014 6:36 PM UTC by [Laura Stampler](https://time.com/author/laura-stampler/) ## Laura Stampler Jul 30, 2014 6:36 PM UTC _Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. This is a dead zone. (Effing AT&T…)_– Dante Alighier-ish Dante’s _Divine Comedy_ was written in the 14th century with his uber-Catholic, Italian counterparts in mind. While the allegory of the afterlife lives on in modern culture, the _Inferno_ would probably look slightly different were it typed out on an iPad. Behold: The nine circles of hell for the [basic](http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/04/basic-bitch-who-is-she.html) millennial: **1\. An eternity of online dating** > [](https://twitter.com/mama%5Ftuna/status/428985345062232064) Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe left. **2\. “Fun”-employment** Economy blah blah tough market blah lots of 26-year-olds still live with their parents. **3\. Sharing an enclosed space with someone playing Candy Crush with the sound on**No one is celebrating you advancement to level 147\. [HEADPHONES](http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/01/31/to-the-numnuts-who-dont-turn-off-the-sound-when-they-play-candy-crush-in-public/). **4\. Trying to cancel your cable**“You don’t want something that works?” “So you’re not interested in the fastest internet in the country?” “I’m really ashamed to see you go to something that can’t give you what we can!” “What is it about this other internet provider???” These real talking points come courtesy of a Comcast customer service representative who fought tooth-and-nail to keep former tech editor Ryan Block’s loyal service. He posted [an 8-minute clip of the recorded conversation](http://time.com/2985964/comcast-cancel-ryan-block/) that would be more appropriate from a jilted lover rather than, you know, a cable provider. **5\. Actual activism as opposed to hashtag activism**#So #Much #Work **6\. Only getting 10 likes on every Instagram picture**11 is “[the only like that matters.](http://www.dailydot.com/technology/instagram-11th-like/)” **7\. Finding out your Craigslist roommate is actually a hoarder** Slash amateur tap dancer slash serial killer. **8\. Explaining any technology to your grandparents** The weekly FaceTime calls home have provided you with a solid working knowledge of cartography of your grandma’s forehead and you _hated_ geography in school. **9\. Going back to dial-up**As terrifying as it is hypothetical. Then again, anything can happen in hell. The 9 Circles of Millennial Hell, If Dante Wrote the Inferno Today ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3045991/the-9-circles-of-hell-for-millennials/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3045991/the-9-circles-of-hell-for-millennials/"},"headline":"The 9 Circles of Hell for Millennials","datePublished":"2014-07-30T18:36:55.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T07:11:58.423Z","description":"If Dante wrote The Inferno today...","url":"https://time.com/3045991/the-9-circles-of-hell-for-millennials/","keywords":["Newsfeed","Tech","Living","viral","millennial"],"thumbnailUrl":"","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Laura Stampler","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/laura-stampler/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/time-section-newsfeed/","name":"Newsfeed"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3045991/the-9-circles-of-hell-for-millennials/","name":"The 9 Circles of Hell for Millennials"}}]}] ```