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June 11, 2014 2:57 PM EDT

Answer by Will Wister, a fund manager and health enthusiast, on Quora

  1. Arrogance is not something you should strive for – even partially. It stems from insecurity and lack of effective feedback. Arrogance attracts weak people and you want to attract strong people with whom you can interact in a healthy way.
  2. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Trying to become some ideal mix of confident and arrogant will take your mind away from the present. That means you won’t be at your best in responding to situations as they come up. Your interactions will become more awkward as a result.
  3. Confidence is important. Strength attracts strength. If you’re not confident, you’ll tend to attract people who are weak – which can feel burdensome. Alternatively you can attract egotistical people which can make you feel small.
  4. Accept who you are as a person. You’re not perfect. You didn’t have a perfect childhood. No one does – ever. Doesn’t matter. You have to accept it anyway. It’s you. It’s not going to change. There’s no reason to feel shame. You might have flaws or shortcomings that others might not have liked. Realize that you can’t please everyone, and that everyone’s personality is an inherent compromise. Accept the compromises you have made and recognize that you’ve done your best to learn and become the person you are today.
  5. Figure out what you like about yourself. Everybody has great qualities. From what I’ve seen of you on the site, you’re smart. You’ve created some interesting opportunities for yourself. If I knew you better, I’m sure there’s a lot more I could say. I’m sure that a lot of people have given you various sorts of praise over the years. Own that praise. That’s you. That’s the good side of the compromises you’ve made in your personality. Remember that.
  6. Think about that the next time you need confidence. Confidence isn’t some magical trait that is always present. Everybody has times in their life when things don’t go their way and they don’t feel their best. They doubt themselves. When that happens, just remember what’s good about you. If you get in a situation that is stressful or unfamiliar, just relax, and remember that you have a surplus of good traits to help you get through whatever obstacles may come your way.

This Question originally appeared on Quora: How do I strike the balance between confidence and arrogance? More Questions:

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