--- title: Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible description: Humor Is Sexy Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. The research shows women like men who make... canonical: https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-06-12T04:01:34.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:45:35.223Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible og:description: No. 1: Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. og:url: https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbe20be1e8b223d69/698697271eebf7795237164d/488806053.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 5760 og:image:height: 3240 og:image:alt: 488806053 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible twitter:description: No. 1: Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbe20be1e8b223d69/698697271eebf7795237164d/488806053.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible > Sponsored content. 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Named editors include Richard Hall (The Brief), Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs (Inside TIME), Eliza Berman (Worth Your Time), Philip Elliott (D.C. Brief), Justin Worland (Future Proof) and Harry Booth (In the Loop). Health Matters is written by TIME's health desk. #### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter? Go to time.com/newsletters, choose the newsletters you want and enter your email address. There is no cost and no subscription requirement. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-network-2026q3/newsletters?i=fe6e18c3-57c0-44b6-ad04-c60227c017b5&cr=time-nl-network-2026q3-v1) ## Video: How I Learned About Sex [Watch (HLS stream): How I Learned About Sex](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/5AudUKuq.m3u8) (3:38)  _Published 2014-11-10. Dr. Ruth and others share their stories_ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jun 12, 2014 4:01 AM UTC  Party Party Izabela Habur—Getty Images/Vetta by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jun 12, 2014 4:01 AM UTC ## Humor Is Sexy [Humor](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/whydowelaugh/) is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. The research shows **women like men who make them laugh, and men like women who laugh at their jokes.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- Why is humor sexy? [**Funny people**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/03/why-do-women-find-funny-men-attractive/) **are smart, and smart is sexy.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- **So ladies can boost their attractiveness by chuckling a bit more.** **And guys, you can garner more attention by learning how to make women laugh.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- ## Being Liked Is Sexy **Want to increase someone’s interest in you? Might be worthwhile to make sure they find out you’re interested in them.** Via [How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761151621/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0761151621&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- This idea is affirmed by studying the effectiveness of **“**[**playing hard to get**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/02/whats-the-best-way-to-play-hard-to-get/)**.” What’s the best way to play that game?** **Establish that you’re hard to get in general — but very enthusiastic about the person you’re with.** Via Richard Wiseman’s excellent book [59 Seconds: Change Your Life in Under a Minute](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307474860/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217153&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0307474860): --- > “” --- ## What You Talk About Is Sexy Random conversation with someone you’re interested in can be a bad idea. Why? [What you talk about can matter — a lot](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/first-date-conversation/). **Emotional, personal information exchange promotes powerful feelings of connection.** Via [Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465013821/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=0465013821): --- > “” --- How effective is it? **In under an hour it can create a connection stronger than a lifelong friendship.** Via [Click: The Magic of Instant Connections](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385529066/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0385529066&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- (You can read the most effective things to discuss [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-shortcut-to-bonding-with-a-romanti).) That said, don’t get so nervous about your words that you can’t speak… **When a woman is very attracted to a man, whether his pickup line is good or not doesn’t matter at all.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- ## Personality Is Sexy [Conscientiousness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/11/personality-trait-determine-future/) is predictive of a number of very important positive elements in life. **Agreeable, conscientious people make better spouses and parents — but disagreeable, non-conscientious people have more sex partners.** The former invest in quality, and it seems like the latter make up the difference in, well, _volume_. **Looking to settle down? Check if that person has their ducks in a row, is organized and easy to get along with. That’s marriage material.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- ## How They Make You Feel Is Sexy Research shows **we don’t really fall in love with a person — we fall in love with how we feel when we’re with them.** This is best demonstrated by the concept of [emotional contagion](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/07/whats-the-key-to-a-fantastic-first-date/): we’re bad at telling what made us feel a certain way, but good about making associations. **Feeling excited, stimulated and aroused is often associated with the people around us, even if they’re not the cause.** This can be taken to extremes: [having someone try to kill you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/would-you-be-attracted-to-someone-trying-to-k/) can actually make you more attracted to them. Via [The Heart of Social Psychology: A Backstage View of a Passionate Science](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0669211443/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0669211443): --- > “” --- Some might find the notion that we’re just “feeling junkies” un-romantic, but[this idea can save relationships and prevent divorce](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/03/what-simple-thing-kills-many-relationships/). **By** [**doing things that rekindle those exciting feelings, love can be restored**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/04/how-to-quickly-and-easily-improve-your-marria/)**:** --- > “” --- ## Love At First Sight Is Sexy There’s still a lot about love and sex that can’t be easily quantified. Studies show “love at first sight” is real. Via [How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761151621/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0761151621&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- **How can you increase the chance love at first sight happens to you? By believing in it.** ## What’s Next? Other posts you should read on love, sex, and romance: * [How To Be A Good Kisser – 10 Tips From Scientific Research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/how-to-be-a-good-kisser/) * [How To Flirt — Backed By Scientific Research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-flirt-scientifically/) * [How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/) * [Recipe For A Happy Marriage: The 7 Scientific Secrets](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/recipe-for-a-happy-marriage-2/) **Join 45K+ readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/)**_._** _Read next:_ [_5 Things Your Clothes Are Saying About You_](http://time.com/3600204/clothes-say-about-you/?iid=time%5Freadnext) [_Download TIME’s mobile app for iOS to have your world explained wherever you go_](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/time-mobile/id328218429) ## Transcript [00:00] Where [00:05] I grew up in Germany, I believed that it's [00:10] the stork who brings babies to this world. Mother, is it [00:17] wrong to feel [ MUSIC ] Warm and affectionate [00:21] when you, when you're with a boy you really like? No [00:25] dear, it is not wrong. My mom had no problem talking [00:28] about it. She just said, wait 'til you get married. Maybe, [00:30] like, when I was in first grade. Around fifth [00:34] grade. I was about seventh grade. I do remember my [00:37] mother and grandmother wanted to tell me about the [00:40] facts of life. I was playing hide and go seek with my [00:43] friends. Someone got rid of all their, their whole stash [00:47] of pornos. Like, [ LAUGH ] [ UNKNOWN ]. I pick it up [00:49] and I'm just like, this is the greatest thing I ever seen. I [00:53] didn't know that I would talk about sex for my entire [00:57] professional life. And now I'm 86, and I'm still talking [01:01] about relationships and sex .>> I remember [01:04] accidentally coming across what sex was really like on [01:07] the Playboy channel when we finally got cable TV [01:13] [ LAUGH ] [ MUSIC ] Sexuality education has to start at [01:16] a very early age. Your belly button, it's too [01:20] small. Mary, the baby doesn't come out of your navel. [01:24] Let me tell you how it is. The first time I had a talk talk [01:27] was in seventh grade health class. My father was so [01:30] old- fashioned that. It was just I got sort of Andy back [01:33] before. He would be like go talk to your brother, and [01:36] he'd go, go talk to Mom. Asians don't really get that [01:39] talk. It's just the, the conversations aren't there. You [01:43] know, like the story of the birds and the bees I don't [01:44] know that story. I don't know, I still don't know what [01:46] that is. [ LAUGH ] They told me you could get pregnant [01:50] by eating watermelon seeds and drinking water and [01:52] eating dirt. Which I did [ LAUGH ] throwing up, I was [01:55] throwing up mud when my mom got home. When the [01:58] sperm and the egg get together they make a tiny [02:01] person. So tiny that not even the mother knows it's [02:03] there for the first few weeks. When I was a child I just [02:06] thought, oh it's bad. It's bad unless you get married. [02:08] And now that I'm adult I understand there's nothing [02:10] wrong with that. Good sexuality education. That starts [02:14] when a child is growing up is going to be beneficial [02:19] for that child for the rest of his or her life. Coming [02:25] from a Pentecostal Christian family, I was definitely. [02:28] Not only challenging to be trying to find myself, around [02:32] my sexuality and my gender identity. But I just [02:34] remember always feeling this conflict of being very [02:37] curious about it but then feeling very very dirty and [02:41] just wrong at the same time. mom, you know, taught [02:44] us a lot about self esteem and self love and it comes [02:46] here first inside. Not to run off and find it in someone [02:49] else. I think that when you, when you make something [02:52] so taboo to somebody, you make them even more [02:54] curious about it. I've realized that this really, ultimately, [02:58] is about companionship and love and togetherness. I [03:01] think if they say, okay, it's okay for us to talk about [03:04] sex, I think they'll think, oh, more people are gonna [03:06] have it. It's okay to be a sexual being. I don't think [03:10] we talk enough about trust and sex. We talk a lot [03:14] about love and sex and of course we want to say oh I [03:16] love you, I love you and that's all that matters. But no, [03:18] we also have to trust one another. And if you don't [03:21] trust somebody then don't make yourself that [03:25] vulnerable, which we do. In sex we're very vulnerable [03:28] to one another. And so it's gotta be with someone you [03:31] trust. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/"},"headline":"Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible","datePublished":"2014-06-12T04:01:34.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:45:35.223Z","description":"Humor Is Sexy Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. 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