--- title: Elliot Rodger's Parents Break Silence on Shooting description: "We are crying in pain for the victims and their families," the parents said on the TODAY show Thursday. canonical: https://time.com/136764/elliot-rodger-parents/ author: Belinda Luscombe article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-05-29T17:17:38.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:45:29.127Z og:title: Elliot Rodger's Parents Break Silence on Shooting og:description: "We are crying in pain for the victims and their families," the parents said on the TODAY show Thursday. og:url: https://time.com/136764/elliot-rodger-parents/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: TIME og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Elliot Rodger's Parents Break Silence on Shooting twitter:description: "We are crying in pain for the victims and their families," the parents said on the TODAY show Thursday. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- # Elliot Rodger's Parents Break Silence on Shooting > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture recommendation newsletter, edited by culture editor Eliza Berman. Twice a week it surfaces the books, shows, films and ideas TIME's editors think are worth your attention, and explains why. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Does TIME have a culture newsletter? Yes. Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. ## Video: Who is the Isla Vista Shooter, Elliot Rodger? [Watch (HLS stream): Who is the Isla Vista Shooter, Elliot Rodger?](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/eX4GuYwm.m3u8) (1:13)  _Published 2014-05-25. Elliot Rodger, the man suspected of killing seven people, including himself, near the UCSB campus spoke in a YouTube video about his plans shortly before Friday’s shooting spree._  by [Belinda Luscombe](https://time.com/author/belinda-luscombe/)  ## Belinda Luscombe Editor at Large May 29, 2014 5:17 PM UTC  by [Belinda Luscombe](https://time.com/author/belinda-luscombe/)  ## Belinda Luscombe Editor at Large May 29, 2014 5:17 PM UTC People never really recover from the death of a child. How much more difficult, then, is it to deal with the deaths of other children whom your child has killed? Most parents are not able to talk about it publicly. But the statement released by the parents of the young man who killed six other young people at the University of Santa Barbara over the weekend is illuminating. Elliot Rodger’s mother and father, who were on their way to their son when they heard about the murders and all their worst fears came true, asked a family friend, Simon Astaire, to release a statement to the media. “We are crying in pain for the victims and their families. It breaks our hearts on a level that we didn’t think possible,” Astaire [read](http://www.today.com/news/elliot-rodgers-parents-are-mourning-victims-ucsb-shooting-more-son-2D79730882) on the _Today_ show Thursday. “The feeling of knowing that it was our son’s actions that caused the tragedy can only be described as hell on earth.” Grief is an incredibly debilitating emotion, but shame may be worse, according to Brene Brown, research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, “Shame is the most powerful, master emotion,” she has said. “Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement.” So much shame surrounds the issue of mental illness that many parents don’t seek help for their kids or are afraid to talk about it publicly. Rodger’s parents seem to feel that needs to change. In the current era, when anybody does the unthinkable, the actions of his or her parents come under close scrutiny, and every parenting decision is questioned. Dealing with the grief _and_ with the public opprobrium makes the stuff of nightmares even worse, even though the offspring who kills has always been a vivid specter since the Biblical tale of Cain and Abel to movies like _We Need to Talk About Kevin._ As with grief, not everybody responds in the same way. Serial killer and cannibal Jeffery Dahmer’s mother threw herself into her work with AIDS victims. David Kaczynski, the brother of Ted Kaczynski, the unabomber, speaks out publicly about mental illness and reaches out to others who find themselves in the same nightmare. But the family of Jared Lee Loughner, who shot Gaby Giffords and killed others in Arizona, withdrew completely from public view, erecting high fences around their property and boarding up their windows. And there are those who refuse to believe their child is guilty. Dzhokar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev’s mother seems to be in this camp, claiming her sons are being framed for the Boston marathon bombings. “Guilt is just as powerful \[as shame\], but its influence is positive, while shame’s is destructive,” says Brown. Rodger’s parents appear to be responding with what Brown would call an appropriate amount of guilt. “It is now our responsibility to do everything we can to help avoid this happening to any other family,” their statement said. “Not only to avoid more innocence destroyed, but also to identify and deal with the mental issues that drove our son to do what he did.” ## Transcript Elliot Rodger, the man suspected of killing seven people, including himself, and wounding seven more at the University of California, Santa Barbara, spoke in a YouTube video about his plan shortly before Friday's shooting spree. All you girls who rejected me and looked down upon me, and I can't wait to give you exactly what you deserve, utter annihilation. Rodger's father is Peter Rodger, an assistant director for the Hunger Games franchise, while his stepmother stars in the French version of The Real Housewives. Elliot Rodger documented his hatred for men and women on more than just his YouTube channel. He also inked a 106, 000 word manifesto, where he attempts to explain why he was quote, forced to go on this killing spree. ABC reports the Rodger family attorney said Rodger was being treated by several therapists before the killings. And, that the Rodger family had reported his other disturbing YouTube videos to the police. The family attorney also said, police had interviewed Rodger, and found him to be quote, a perfectly polite, kind and wonderful human. According to the police, all the guns Rodger used during the shooting were purchased legally and registered to the shooter. 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