This weekend, the merger—ahem, marriage—between two of the most popular entertainment brands will be complete when Kim Kardashian weds Kanye West. It may feel like the couple’s journey to the altar has been a long time coming, but that’s just because we haven’t been able to stop talking about them, from Kim’s butt, to Kanye’s rage, to human compass point North West—also known as their baby.
With reported guests like Chrissy Teigen, Serena Williams and, of course, the entire Kardashian Klan (for all the details, check out TIME’s definitive guide to what you need to know about the wedding), it’s easy to imagine that the gift table will be overflowing. But a word to the wise: not all gifts are appreciated; Kim put Katie Couric on blast after she sent a baby gift but dissed the Kardashian fam to In Touch. So what should the esteemed guests get #theworldsmosttalkedaboutcouple, as Vogue anointed them on its April 2014 cover? We haven’t a clue. So instead here’s what not to get the couple that really does have everything.
1) An copy of the Ray J song, “I Hit It First.” Because, um, he did.
2) Fake Nike Air Yeezys. Kanye won’t hesitate to call you out.
3) Season tickets to the Boston Celtics, where Kim’s ex-husband Kris Humphries now plays.
4) A Taylor Swift CD. Enough said.
5) An iTunes pass to season 39 of Saturday Night Live, featuring Nasim Pedrad’s nasally impression of Kim on “Waking Up With Kimye.”
6) A Baby Einstein DVD for North.
7) A pair of Jessica Simpson-brand stilettos. Surely they would clash with anything from the Kardashian Kollection the sisters design for Sears.
8) A copy of Final Cut Pro. We all know Kanye prefers Windows Movie Maker.
9) A couch upholstered in the floral fabric Kim wore to the Met Gala two years ago, even though Mrs. Doubtfire would approve.
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