TIME viral

The Polish Official That Called Winnie the Pooh ‘Disturbing’ Was Maybe Joking

"It is half naked, which is wholly inappropriate for children"

Winnie the Pooh might be the only pants-less character parents happily let around their children, but for one town in Poland, the bear’s unusual wardrobe and his anatomy haven’t gone unnoticed.

Officials in the town of Tuszyn appeared to oppose naming a park after the beloved children’s book character because of his attire, though one has since said that the discussion was in jest, the Associated Press reports.

“The problem with that bear is it doesn’t have a complete wardrobe,” Councillor Ryszard Cichy said in an audio recording of a closed-door meeting that was reportedly leaked to the press, according to the Croatian Times. “It is half naked, which is wholly inappropriate for children.” Another official called Pooh a “hermaphrodite.”

Councillor Hanna Jachimska continued the conversation, suggesting Pooh author Alan Alexander Milne was “disturbing.” “The author was over 60 and cut [Pooh’s] testicles off with a razor blade,” she said, “because he had a problem with his identity.”

Cichy later told a newspaper that he was joking after the official discussion about the playground had gone on too long. At any rate, it’s a good thing the meeting didn’t look too closely at the rest of Pooh’s friends. After all, Eeyore and Tigger are not only pants-less but shirt-free, too.

[AP]

TIME WTF

World’s Most Australian Man Fights Off Crocodile, Drinks Beer as Anesthetic

A crocodile lies in wait by the 13th green during practice before the Alfred Dunhill Championship at Leopard Creek Country Club on December 9, 2008 in Malelane, South Africa. (Photo by Warren Little/Getty Images)
Warren Little—Getty Images

He numbed the pain with beer before later driving himself to the hospital

Crikey: a 20-year-old escaped a crocodile attack by poking it in the eyes and later treating the pain with beer, officials said.

The man was hunting geese in the wetlands of a remote part of Australia’s Northern Territory when a crocodile attacked him as he waded into the water to retrieve a goose he had shot.

“The crocodile had launched at him, latched onto his right arm and tried to pull him underwater,” duty superintendent Louise Jorgensen told the Advertiser. “Like a true Territorian he wrestled the crocodile and was able to shake it off finally by poking its eyes.”

When he got back to an outpost station to meet with clinic workers and police, authorities found him noticeably intoxicated and reported that he had decided to treat the pain with Australian lager Carlton Dry.

And if that weren’t manly enough, despite numerous puncture wounds and claw marks on his limbs, the man opted to drive to the hospital instead of be flown there by emergency care.

[The Advertiser]

TIME WTF

World’s Most Pierced Man Denied Entry to Dubai

Rolf Buchholz
German Rolf Buchholz in Berlin, Dec. 4, 2010. Markus Schreiber—AP

Rolf Buchholz claims the Emirate's officials said they were worried about black magic

He may have more than 100 piercings on his face, but it wasn’t the metal detectors keeping Rolf Buchholz out of Dubai this weekend.

The tattooed German man, whose 453 piercings — 278 of which were around his genitalia, as of 2010 — earned him a Guinness World Record, claims airport workers told him that Dubai officials were worried he practiced black magic, the Associated Press reports.

Buchholz, who works in IT, was planning to visit United Arab Emirates to appear at a circus-themed nightclub scheduled for Friday when he was stopped before entering customs, but after having his passport stamped and approved.

“I got never an official answer,” Buchholz told the AP, which was unable to reach immigration and airport authorities for comment. “They are friendly but nobody answers your questions.”

Buchholz, who also has horn implants in his head, says he was ordered to never return to Dubai, though he he’d gladly come back — if the country ever allowed him.

[AP]

TIME Bizarre

Body Falls Out of a Coroner’s Car in the Middle of Traffic

“I thought someone was playing a prank," a local resident of Feasterville, Pa. said

Among the hazards to watch out for while driving in Pennsylvania: random dead bodies.

A corpse fell out of the back door of a coroner’s van and into the middle of traffic Friday following a car malfunction, according to the Bucks County Coroner’s Office. The unidentified driver was near a shopping center in Feasterville, Pa. on the way to the coroner’s office when the incident occurred around noon, the Bucks County Courier Times reports.

Local resident Jerry Bradley assisted the driver after he saw the body, which was covered in a body bag on a gurney, while waiting at a traffic light.

“I thought someone was playing a prank. Someone is pranking people,” Bradley told the paper Saturday night. “It was the most bizarre thing I’d ever seen.”

Bradley took a picture of the body in the middle of traffic before helping the driver quickly get it out of the street and back in the vehicle. The picture has been shared more than 1,900 times on Facebook.

“I have to keep going back to look at it to believe it happened,” Bradley said. “I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. If that was my loved one I’d be angry.”

County spokesman Chris Edwards directed questions to Coroner Dr. Joseph Campbell but said “care was taken to respect the deceased individual” in a statement.

“The Bucks County Coroner’s Office deeply regrets this incident and will take steps to ensure that it is not repeated in the future,” he said.

[Courier Times]

TIME WTF

Norwegian Artist Eats His Own Hip and Says It Was Delicious

Alexander Selvik Wengshoel ate his own hip with potatoes and a glass of wine while his girlfriend was out of the house, and said it tasted "goaty"

Adding a whole new meaning to the word “hipster,” a Norwegian conceptual artist has eaten his own hip on “a whim” and said it tasted like “wild sheep.”

25-year-old Alexander Selvik Wengshoel was born with a deformed hip that was replaced just a few years ago after he spent much of his life on crutches or in a wheelchair, Norway’s The Local reports.

The bone, and the video footage of his hip replacement operation, are now on display in his graduate show exhibition at Tromsø Academy of Contemporary Art, where he revealed the story behind his project.

“I had to boil off the meat to get to the bone, and when I started scraping off the meat, I took a little piece and thought, ‘Why not do it?'” he told The Local. “It’s not every day I will have a piece of human flesh which is mine and which it is possible to eat. So I had a little taste, and then I thought, ‘That’s really nice.'”

Wengshoel washed down his meal of hip bone and potato gratin with a glass of wine while his girlfriend was at work. Although there was little meat on the bone, it was enough to make an appetizer, he said. “It had this flavour of wild sheep, if you take a sheep that goes in the mountains and eats mushrooms. It was goaty.”

[The Local]

TIME Crime

Portland Police Arrest Naked Man Playing a Violin

Matthew Thomas Mglej
Matthew Thomas Mglej Multnomah County Sheriff's Office

Police warned the nude musician about putting on some clothes several times before they arrested him and carried him to a cop car

A naked man playing a violin outside of a courthouse in Portland was arrested Friday afternoon after numerous complaints and warnings, police say.

The man said his name was Matthew Thomas Mglej and that he is 25 years old, although police have not confirmed his identity.

The man was jailed for indecent exposure under Portland city code, which states that it is “unlawful for any person to expose his or her genitalia while in a public place or place visible from a public place, if the public place is open or available to persons of the opposite sex,” according to a statement from the Portland Police Bureau.

Police gave the man several notices about his violation of city code before arresting him, but he didn’t go down without a fight: The nude violinist refused to go to the cop car and had to be carried by police.

TIME russia

Watch Putin Play Hockey and Score a Suspicious Number of Goals

Russia's president hits the ice in a video showcasing his amateur hockey skills

Vladimir Putin can add unlikely hockey star to his list of accomplishments, alongside being the President of Russia and an oft-shirtless friend to the animal kingdom.

Putin scored six goals and got five assists during an exhibition amateur hockey game in Sochi on Saturday, helping his team claim victory with a ludicrous final score of 21-4. As The Wire notes, it doesn’t look like the other team was trying very hard to keep Putin from tearing up the ice.

The event — which began with a moment of silence for pro-Russian insurgents killed the day before in Ukraine — was part of Russia’s Night Hockey League, a group that helps get ice time for players who have to work during the day.

[The Wire]

TIME Gadgets

Necktie with a Built-in Laser Pointer? Make It Real, Please

thinkgeek tie
ThinkGeek

ThinkGeek’s April Fools’ Day fake-product lineup is a must-see for gadget lovers – this year’s offerings included a Keurig-like beard growing machine, a NERF Nuke to end all dart-gun wars, Rosetta Stone for Klingon and more.

The only problem with these fake gizmos is that sometimes they’re cool enough that people actually want to buy them. And in a few instances, ThinkGeek has brought its April Fools’ creations to life: the Star Wars-themed Tauntaun sleeping bag and the iCade iPad arcade cabinet being two prominent examples.

The $30 Laser-Guided Tactical Necktie isn’t an actual product, but – BUT! – it could be. The pitch: it’s made of durable nylon, and sports a D-loop, a militarily-inspired MOLLE system, and two removable pouches – one for carrying small items and the other housing a laser pointer.

As you can see in this photo, the tie looks wonderfully ridiculous:

Laser Tie
ThinkGeek’s April Fools’ tie features a laser pointer and more. ThinkGeek

Search your feelings. You’d either wear this or you know someone who’d wear this. And more than a few people in the comments section of the product page are trying to will it into existence, too.

I’m going to go out on a short limb and guess that this becomes an actual product. If you’ve got a hankering to accelerate the process, you can vote to have it become real (along with the other April Fools’ items) on this page here.

Laser-Guided Tactical Necktie [ThinkGeek]

TIME Gadgets

Danger! Computer Simulates 1,500 People Walking and Texting at a Busy Intersection

So here’s what would apparently happen if 1,500 people all started crossing the street at Tokyo’s Shibuya Crossing while they were looking down at their phones.

You’ll notice a handful of things:

  • A total disregard for crosswalks! These mouth-breathers are just walking right out into the middle of everything.
  • Two of them just walk in place when they run into each other. The last time I did that, mall security Segwayed me out by my shirt collar.
  • One of the guys gets run into and then bows as though it’s his fault! Sack up, man!
  • Only one guy drops his phone, which seems really low for 15,000 hoopleheads all running into each other.
  • Two fall down and get right back up, all while still looking at their phones (probably accurate).
  • It takes an eternity for the street to clear when it’s the cars’ turn to go again (probably accurate), yet only a couple horns honk (maybe accurate in Japan; absolutely not accurate just about anywhere else).
  • The guy at the very end appears to fall down at the top of a subway entrance and, instead of getting back up, he’s does the Worm for a bit. I’d grab a simulated beer with that guy any day.

According to Kotaku, the video is a joint effort between one of Japan’s major wireless companies – NTT Docomo – and Aichi University of Technology, which cobbled the simulation together. The message? I can’t read Japanese, but I’ll bet it’s three-fold: Don’t text and walk, watch where you’re going, and remember that the Worm will never, ever, ever go out of style.

Computer Simulation of 1,500 People Looking at Smartphones and Walking [Kotaku]

TIME Video Games

‘My Girl’ Movie Turned into a Game Where You Try to Avoid Being Stung by Bees

mygirl
MyGirltheGame.com

If you remember watching My Girl back in the early ’90s and thinking how much you’d love to play a video game based on the movie, you’re apparently not alone: Someone has gone to the trouble of creating a version you can play in your browser right now. (In case you’re wondering, this wonderfully weird game is clearly not sanctioned or otherwise licensed by the people behind the actual movie.)

You play as Thomas J. (Macaulay Culkin’s character). You’ll recall he was allergic to bee stings, yes? Well, the game entails little more than walking around a hastily-built side-scrolling level that loosely resembles the small town from the movie.

The object of the game is to avoid being stung by bees. Each time you’re stung, your mood ring turns darker and darker until you’re eventually stung to death. At that point, you’ll see a faux-digitized image of Vada (Anna Chlumsky’s character) and hear her sobbing as she peers bleary-eyed through the banister rails of the funeral home, trying to coax Thomas J. back to life while her father (Dan Aykroyd’s character) consoles her.

That’s the game – sorry for the spoiler. If you haven’t seen the movie, go ahead and do so this weekend. I assume you like crying? If not, maybe don’t see it.

MyGirl [MyGirltheGame.com via BuzzFeed]

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