TIME On Our Radar

A Photographer’s Goodbye to a Long-Lost Sister

Phillip Toledano goes back in time to the days following his sister's death

In the last five years, British photographer Phillip Toledano has turned the lens on his life and his family. With Days With My Father, he dealt with his mother’s passing and the impact the loss had on his father, who suffered from dementia. In A Shadow Remains, he addressed his father’s death, which, he says, showed him the power of unapologetic love. And, in The Reluctant Father, he studied how the birth of his daughter, dreaded at first, changed his life for the better.

In his latest book, When I Was Six, Toledano goes back in time, to the moment when his sister Claudia died in a fire. He was just 6, then, and, to this day, he doesn’t remember how he coped with the unexpected loss. “I don’t have any memories of my life after she died, except for this kind of peculiar fascination with space travel and astronomy,” Toledano tells TIME. “I think it was a way of being somewhere else, far from what had happened.”

After the death of his parents, Toledano found a box of Claudia’s things that his mother had kept. “Clothes, toys, health records, notes she wrote,” he says. “But also, everything to do with her death. It was a museum of sorts. But it was also a second chance; a chance to know my sister; to understand the pain my parents carried, and the strength it took not to bury me along with my sister.”

In When I Was Six, Toledano mixes text, still lifes of these objects with atmospheric space images he created in a fish tank. “It took me a year to have the courage to spend time with this stuff,” he says. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

Particularly poignant is a photo album Toledano found. On one page, he’s portrayed with his sister, smiling in Casablanca. On the opposite page, he’s alone, laughing and “ready for sportsday.” “That photo kind of brought me to my knees,” he says. “I couldn’t believe the date. It was two weeks after she died and I looked so normal.”

's When I Was Six
Phillip Toledano“In my mind, I’ve always imagined her as a baby or a small kid, and [in this] picture she’s a real person,” says Phillip Toledano. “She’s eating a piece of chicken.”
From the series When I Was Six.

When I Was Six is deeply personal exploration of Toledano’s past — a study that started with Days With My Father. “When your parents die, they leave you with a lot of unopened boxes that you can choose to open or not,” he tells TIME. “You can choose to confront the things they’ve left you. And I guess the last five years have been a series of confrontations. It’s about deciding to tacked these things and trying to make sense of them.”

When I Was Six is also a way for Toledano to say goodbye to his sister, something, he thinks, his parents tried to shelter him from when he was younger. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to have your kid disappear,” he says. “So I don’t fault my parents. I don’t know if you can understand, when you’re 6, what it means when someone dies.”

Phillip Toledano is a British photographer based in New York City. When I Was Six is published by Dewi Lewis and will be launched at the Format festival in Derby, U.K., on Friday, March 13.

Olivier Laurent is the editor of TIME LightBox. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @olivierclaurent

TIME Family

Why Your Sibling Is Good for Your Health

Reggie Casagrande—Getty Images

When they're not stealing your clothes or hogging your parents' attention, having a brother or sister can actually make you happier and healthier

This article originally appeared on RealSimple.com.

Sometimes we get along. Other times they drive us bonkers, but overall (most of the time) we love our brothers and sisters. And research shows that the sibling bond is about more than family dinners and spontaneous wrestling matches over the remote. Growing up with a brother or sister may actually have an impact on our mental and physical health, not to mention it can shape who we become later in life. Here, the many benefits of siblings.

Having a sibling may make you more selfless.

New research suggests that having a sibling may help children develop sympathy. Researchers examined the relationship between siblings in more than 300 families and found having a quality relationship with a brother or sister may promote altruism in teens, especially boys.

“In our study, most relationships were not as important for boys as they were for girls,” study co-author Laura Padilla-Walker said in a university release. “But the sibling relationship was different—they seemed to report relying on sibling affection just as much as girls do. It’s an area where parents and therapists could really help boys.”

(MORE: 30 Secrets Your Body Language Gives Away)

They may improve our mental health.

Some of the same researchers at Brigham Young University found that sisters, specifically, seem to give siblings a mental health boost in ways that parents don’t. Results of a statistical analysis of nearly 400 families showed that, regardless of age-distance, having a sister protected adolescents against feeling lonely, unloved, guilty, self-conscious, and fearful. Even fights help by forming important tools, like how to better control emotion, according to Padilla-Walker.

(MORE: 7 Tips to Keep You Calm)

They make us happier.

For many, that sibling bond means a lifetime of emotional support, a close friendship, and an endless number of inside jokes. That’s why it should come as no surprise that holding onto a tight relationship with your brother or sister can lead to happiness later in life. Research shows that older people with living siblings have a higher sense of morale, so bonding with our brothers and sisters isn’t only important as we grow and mature, but may also bring major benefits later in life.

(MORE: Busting 10 Diet Myths)

Siblings keep us physically fit.

Although it may be fun to grab second helpings of dessert with your brother or sister, research shows that our siblings (and family and friends in general) can help us stay active. When it comes to fit-inspiration, 43 percent believe that friends and family have the largest impact on how healthy our lifestyles are. And staying fit together may help grow that sibling bond. Nearly one third of people with healthy habits distance themselves from those with less healthy ones.

(MORE: 5 Types of Friends Everyone Should Have)

They could help you live longer.

Not only can siblings boost mental health and physical fitness, but strong social ties may help you live longer, according to research published in the journal PLoS Medicine. On average, those with poor social connections died about 7.5 years earlier than those with solid bonds to friends and family. That’s about the same difference in length of life as the gap between smokers and non-smokers. This may be because caring about our friends and family inspires us to take better care of ourselves or it may be because we turn to loved ones to provide us with support when we’re sick or stressed, Time reports. No matter the reason, keeping that strong connection with our siblings could help us live a longer, happier, and healthier life.

(MORE: One Sneaky Trick to Boost Your Mood)


Watch A Little Boy Completely Lose It When He Finds Out He’s Having A Baby Sister…Again

"You had the same reaction I did, bub"

A baby gender reveal went horribly wrong when a family recorded their son’s reaction when he finds out he’s going to have another little sister.

It starts out adorably enough, a little boy and his two sisters excitedly guessing what the newest member of their family is going to be. “I think it’s going to be a boy,” the son says, clapping and smiling. But then when he cuts into the cake to reveal pink filling, he immediately loses it, crying, “Nooooo it’s giiiiirl?” over and over again.

“You had the same reaction I did, bud,” the father says, laughing as he zooms in for a closeup.

Good luck, unborn baby girl! At least your sisters seem excited to have you.

Your browser is out of date. Please update your browser at http://update.microsoft.com