TIME viral

Watch a Man Break the Guinness World Record for Most Jokes Told in One Minute

He tells 26 joke in 60 seconds

A quick-fire comedian broke the Guinness World Record for the most jokes told in one minute.

Clive Greenaway, 57, managed to spit out 26 one-liners in just 60 seconds.

“When I heard a German held the world record form telling the most jokes in one minute I couldn’t believe it and knew it had to be broken,” the British comic told the Telegraph. “There was a lot of training that went into it. After I wrote down 30 jokes it took me months to practice them and get them word perfect and build up my delivery speed.”

Some jokes included, “My wife dresses to kill — and cooks the same way” and “Went to the paper shop — but it had blown away.”

Quantity over quality, I guess.

[Telegraph]

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TIME Marriage

Dutchman’s Romantic Proposal Almost Destroys Nearby Building

Crane topples on to house during dramatic proposal
Michiel Van Beers—EPA A crane fell on to the roof of a house in IJsselstein, Netherlands, on Dec. 13, 2014. The incident ocurred when a man tried to surprise his girlfriend by proposing from the top of the crane, which then toppled on to the house, though no injuries were reported.

Talk about a hopeless romantic

Let this be a cautionary tale to all you lovers with Hollywood-fueled ideas about marriage proposals. A little glitz is fine but don’t go too big—or too heavy, as the case may be.

A man in the Dutch town of IJsselstein was hoping to surprise his girlfriend with an elaborate marriage proposal Saturday morning, the BBC reports, when surprise her he did—by smashing the roof of a neighbor’s house with the unanchored crane he had secured for the occasion.

The man, whose name has not been released, intended to descend in front of her bedroom window and sing her a song before proposing. Instead the crane crashed through a nearby ceiling and caused the evacuation of other nearby homes.

No one was hurt in the incident, not even the budding couple—Dutch media reports the woman said yes to the proposal, and the lovers are now vacationing in Paris.

[BBC]

TIME Television

Why Jennifer Lawrence Is Terrified of Singing in Public

Says she sounds like a tone-deaf Amy Winehouse

Jennifer Lawrence admitted singing in public is one of her biggest fears on the Late Show with David Letterman Wednesday.

It all began, the Mockingjay Part I star said, when she had to sing Holly Jolly Christmas in a school production at the age of 8, and her parents laughed at her for days afterward.

Lawrence jokingly says she now sings in a tone-deaf Amy Winehouse voice. Watch the video above to hear it for yourself.

TIME Television

The 13 Most Uncomfortable Family Feud Moments Ever

From hilariously botched answers to uncontrollable giggle fits

On an episode of Family Feud this week, host Steve Harvey posed the following question: “We asked 100 married women, if you could change one part of your husband’s body, what would it be?” A contestant named Joyce quickly — very quickly — buzzed in to offer her response: “His penis.”

As you can imagine, things got real awkward, real fast. Her husband was standing just 10 feet behind her! Wearing a tie with a bunch of smiley faces on it! This weird little moment got us thinking: Wait, awkward things happen ALL THE TIME on this show. Let’s go back and watch ALL OF THEM.

And so here you go: the 13 most uncomfortable moments on Family Feud:

1. That other time things got really sexual because the question kind of prompted it:

2. That time a contestant thought Jose was a name that started with H:

3. The time a contestant stood there uncomfortably, trying to be polite, for a full two and a half minutes, while everyone else carried on:

4. The time Richard Dawson completely lost it because he was totally making fun of a contestant’s answer:

5. That time “white dudes” was an answer to the question “What has white balls?”:

6. That time one family was really horrible at geography:

7. That time it was funny because it was true:

8. That time somebody was way too trigger-happy with the buzzer and then things got weird:

9. That time a contestant confused the words “douche” and “tush”:

10. That time the Family Feud writers referred to a penis as a “trouser snake”:

11. That time this guy just totally and completely blew it:

12. That time a lady called Dracula “a good sucker”:

13. That time a guy screamed “naked grandma” as an answer:

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TIME celebrities

Erykah Badu Makes $3.60 Singing in Times Square

Just enough for a hot dog!

It has been a while since Erykah Badu released a new album, so in an effort to make a couple of dollars the R&B singer hit the streets of New York to… panhandle.

In a iPhone video released Wednesday by Badu, who has become a bit of a social media maven with her quirky vines and tweets, the soulful artist stands in the middle of Time Square, holding out a hat and singing to passersby. Throughout the video, Badu goes largely unnoticed, though she’s able to collect a couple of dollars ($3.60 to be exact) as a result of her efforts.

Badu even quips that with “some initiative, you can make money.” To finish things off, the ever-political songstress reminds viewers that, “in reality, life is a lot harder than this.”

TIME Television

See Why Jennifer Garner Rented 120 Goats

Garner rented the goats to care for her property

Jennifer Garner needed a way to get rid of the rats and the ivy on her Los Angeles property, and somehow, the answer was goats, she told Conan O’Brien Tuesday evening.

She rented the goats to eat up the ivy growing on her grounds, which also took care of the rat problem she was having because the rats were living in the ivy. The only downside to having the goats was that they were pretty loud. And while they may have done the trick once, Garner says the ivy has since grown back.

TIME Television

Watch a Late Night Host Smell Sofia Vergara’s Hair

He said it smelled like pudding

The host of Watch What Happens Live, Andy Cohen, took a whiff of Sofia Vergara’s hair on the show Thursday Night. Cohen said that it smelled delicious, like pudding, but Vergara pointed out that it was actually her perfume.

Vergara has a perfume on the market called “Sofia.” It took her a year to decide on the scent for her fragrance, according to her interview in Allure. The scent she decided on in the end is based off of fruits and florals– but not, as it turns out, pudding.

TIME Appreciation

Hero Starts a Petition to Get His Cat Into the High School Yearbook

Seems like a totally reasonable and attainable dream

Draven Rodriguez is just a normal high school kid in upstate New York hoping to make his dreams come true. In this case, those dreams involve getting the administration at Schenectady High School to agree to use the following photo as his senior portrait:

Vincent Giordano / Trinacria Photography

The school has said the photo can be included in the yearbook somewhere, but not as Rodriguez’s official senior portrait, a local CBS affiliate reports. So Rodriguez has started a petition as a “pre-emptive strike.” He hopes to gain enough backers so that the school simply can’t deny this request.

His goal was to reach 500 signatures by Sept. 15, and by the morning of Sep. 11, he’d already hit 721.

TIME Crime

This Guy Posed for His Mugshot Wearing a T-Shirt Featuring His Previous Mugshot

Mug Shot T-Shirt
Somerset County Sheriff’s Department—AP This Aug. 8, 2014 booking photo released by the Somerset County Sheriff’s Department shows Robert Burt, of Pittsfield, Maine.

Too meta, or just meta enough?

Back in June, 19-year-old Robert Burt was charged with driving under the influence. When the Pittsfield, Maine, resident showed up to begin his two-day jail sentence this month, he wore a shirt one of his co-workers had so generously made for him following the arrest. That shirt featured Burt’s original mugshot.

Upon arrival, Burt had to pose for a booking photo, resulting in one marvelously meta moment.

Sadly, the second mugshot does not show the entire shirt, which includes a second photo:

We thought Macaulay Culkin was the Meta T-Shirt King, but Mr. Burt here is really giving him a run for his money.

(h/t The Smoking Gun)

TIME Funny

2 Tiny Knights Have Their First Fight (And It’s Adorable)

This isn't Sparta

Two knights-errant face off in the quickly fading sunlight; the crowd jeers, their bodies forming a makeshift arena. Who will live to see their next juicebox?

 

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