TIME Gadgets

Necktie with a Built-in Laser Pointer? Make It Real, Please

thinkgeek tie
ThinkGeek

ThinkGeek’s April Fools’ Day fake-product lineup is a must-see for gadget lovers – this year’s offerings included a Keurig-like beard growing machine, a NERF Nuke to end all dart-gun wars, Rosetta Stone for Klingon and more.

The only problem with these fake gizmos is that sometimes they’re cool enough that people actually want to buy them. And in a few instances, ThinkGeek has brought its April Fools’ creations to life: the Star Wars-themed Tauntaun sleeping bag and the iCade iPad arcade cabinet being two prominent examples.

The $30 Laser-Guided Tactical Necktie isn’t an actual product, but – BUT! – it could be. The pitch: it’s made of durable nylon, and sports a D-loop, a militarily-inspired MOLLE system, and two removable pouches – one for carrying small items and the other housing a laser pointer.

As you can see in this photo, the tie looks wonderfully ridiculous:

Laser Tie
ThinkGeek’s April Fools’ tie features a laser pointer and more. ThinkGeek

Search your feelings. You’d either wear this or you know someone who’d wear this. And more than a few people in the comments section of the product page are trying to will it into existence, too.

I’m going to go out on a short limb and guess that this becomes an actual product. If you’ve got a hankering to accelerate the process, you can vote to have it become real (along with the other April Fools’ items) on this page here.

Laser-Guided Tactical Necktie [ThinkGeek]

TIME Gadgets

Danger! Computer Simulates 1,500 People Walking and Texting at a Busy Intersection

So here’s what would apparently happen if 1,500 people all started crossing the street at Tokyo’s Shibuya Crossing while they were looking down at their phones.

You’ll notice a handful of things:

  • A total disregard for crosswalks! These mouth-breathers are just walking right out into the middle of everything.
  • Two of them just walk in place when they run into each other. The last time I did that, mall security Segwayed me out by my shirt collar.
  • One of the guys gets run into and then bows as though it’s his fault! Sack up, man!
  • Only one guy drops his phone, which seems really low for 15,000 hoopleheads all running into each other.
  • Two fall down and get right back up, all while still looking at their phones (probably accurate).
  • It takes an eternity for the street to clear when it’s the cars’ turn to go again (probably accurate), yet only a couple horns honk (maybe accurate in Japan; absolutely not accurate just about anywhere else).
  • The guy at the very end appears to fall down at the top of a subway entrance and, instead of getting back up, he’s does the Worm for a bit. I’d grab a simulated beer with that guy any day.

According to Kotaku, the video is a joint effort between one of Japan’s major wireless companies – NTT Docomo – and Aichi University of Technology, which cobbled the simulation together. The message? I can’t read Japanese, but I’ll bet it’s three-fold: Don’t text and walk, watch where you’re going, and remember that the Worm will never, ever, ever go out of style.

Computer Simulation of 1,500 People Looking at Smartphones and Walking [Kotaku]

TIME Video Games

‘My Girl’ Movie Turned into a Game Where You Try to Avoid Being Stung by Bees

mygirl
MyGirltheGame.com

If you remember watching My Girl back in the early ’90s and thinking how much you’d love to play a video game based on the movie, you’re apparently not alone: Someone has gone to the trouble of creating a version you can play in your browser right now. (In case you’re wondering, this wonderfully weird game is clearly not sanctioned or otherwise licensed by the people behind the actual movie.)

You play as Thomas J. (Macaulay Culkin’s character). You’ll recall he was allergic to bee stings, yes? Well, the game entails little more than walking around a hastily-built side-scrolling level that loosely resembles the small town from the movie.

The object of the game is to avoid being stung by bees. Each time you’re stung, your mood ring turns darker and darker until you’re eventually stung to death. At that point, you’ll see a faux-digitized image of Vada (Anna Chlumsky’s character) and hear her sobbing as she peers bleary-eyed through the banister rails of the funeral home, trying to coax Thomas J. back to life while her father (Dan Aykroyd’s character) consoles her.

That’s the game – sorry for the spoiler. If you haven’t seen the movie, go ahead and do so this weekend. I assume you like crying? If not, maybe don’t see it.

MyGirl [MyGirltheGame.com via BuzzFeed]

TIME Social Media

W Hotel’s Social Media Concierge Will Live-Tweet Your Wedding for $3,000

wedding twitter
Getty Images

Eh, I'll do it for $300 and I'll eat with the band back in the kitchen. Sound like a deal?

Being married myself, I distinctly recall my wife-to-be and I frantically searching for something to spend an extra three-grand on as we drew closer to our wedding day. Everything else was so inexpensive!

If only this live tweeting service – offered at New York-area W Hotel locations – had existed in 2007. We got married near Boston, but we would have gladly switched venues at the last second the chance to have our special day shared with a bunch of randos on the Internet.

According to a pitch sent to the the Huffington Post’s Bianca Bosker, here’s what your $3,000 gets you:

Live tweeting of the ceremony and reception

Instagram photos and videos and Vine videos

Curating a unique wedding #hashtag

Encouraging guests to utilize hashtag and handles as they post to social media

Set up and maintenance of Wedding Blog before and after the big day

Curating registry wish list and dream honeymoon Pinterest boards to inspire couple

Wedding social media recap for the couple – a Shutterfly book complete with social media highlights from the planning process and a collage of the best tweets and instagrams sent during the wedding.

You can read the full text of the email over at HuffPo. And if you fancy yourself some sort of social media expert, keep in mind that the title of “Social Media Wedding Concierge” now exists.

Please Do Not Pay Someone $3,000 To Live-Tweet Your Wedding [HuffPo via Romenesko]

TIME Finally

ToneFone: Finally, a Three-Pound iPhone Case for Sculpting Those Biceps

tonefone
DesirableBody

ToneFone, I celebrate your existence. To me, you are silly. To others, you are such a great idea that you’ve completely sold out and won’t be available again until April. Either way, you win.

The case itself is made from 100% British steel and coated in rubber. It’s available in 1-kilogram (2.2 pounds) or 1.5-kilogram (3.3 pounds) options, priced at £22.90 (around $38) and £25.40 (around $42), respectively. It can be shipped to the U.S. for around $11.50. Yes, I checked. I should have just bought one, huh? “But Doug, you’re super fit.” What?! How can you see me?

The case comes in white and fits the iPhone 5 and 5s. Space grey and gold versions are coming in June.

ToneFone Weighted iPhone 5/5s Case [DesirableBody via The Gadgeteer]

TIME Finally

Oscar Mayer Wants to Make Your iPhone Smell like Bacon

bacon app
Oscar Mayer

Finally, a scent-emitting device that attaches to your iPhone and wakes you up to the smell of bacon.

Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple. For starters, you’ll have to win the bacon emitter by filling out a form and getting accepted as an Official Bacon Beta Tester by Oscar Mayer. The form consists of two multiple-choice questions and a third, open-ended question about how much you love Oscar Mayer bacon. You’re going to have to sell a sliver of your soul, in other words.

Assuming you can crack into the elite team of bacon testers, you’ll get a little doodad that attaches to the bottom of your iPhone and pairs with Oscar Mayer’s free Wake Up & Smell the Bacon alarm app.

When it’s time to wake up, the app produces a sizzling sound and emits a whiff of bacon from the device. You, in turn, wake up to the sound of sizzling bacon and, what’s more, the smell of bacon.

You don’t, however, wake up to the taste of bacon. Such a feat involves a complicated process of stove-igniting and refrigerator-opening that’s far beyond the scope of this article.

For those of you too lazy to apply to be a bacon tester, you can download the app and use it to wake up to the sound of bacon. Those of you with loftier life goals can and should go for the smells, too, though.

On a related note, we may be on the verge of a smell-o-vision-like smartphone trend. Harry already tried the Pop Secret iPhone popcorn smell emitter late last year. Spoiler: He said the unfortunately-named Pop Dongle “really does smell good!”

Knowing that no smell-emitting smartphone gadget would be complete without an over-the-top video, here’s Oscar Mayer’s over-the-top video for the bacon dongle:

Wake Up & Smell the Bacon [Oscar Mayer via HLN]

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