TIME Family

10 DIY GIft Ideas for Father’s Day

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Suited for makers of young and old

Show Dad that you inherited his amazing creativity and ingenuity by giving him a gift you made yourself. We rounded up a variety of ideas to ignite your imagination. You’ll find projects suited for makers of every age, from pre-school through adult. Now grab your glue gun and get busy!

  1. His game is sure to improve with these decorated golf balls. (h/t Laughing Kids Learn)
  2. Remind him how much you care with homemade shaving cream. (h/t Handimania)
  3. This doodle mug is a fun idea for youngsters. (h/t Coconut Robot)
  4. Spell it out for him with this Scrabble-letter photo frame.
  5. These photo bookmarks couldn’t be cuter. (h/t Nearly Crafty)
  6. Another good one for the younger set, with a little help from Mom. (h/t Crafty Monkey)
  7. Let him know he rocks! (h/t Easy Preschool Craft)
  8. Make him a special food treat, and pack it in a mason jar. (h/t Live Laugh Rowe)
  9. Turn a photo into a Shrinky Dink tie clasp! (h/t Oh Happy Day)
  10. Keep him organized with this simple-yet-sophisticated bungee organizer. (h/t Brit + Co)

This article originally appeared on All You.

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MONEY freebies

These are the Best Father’s Day Freebies & Deals

UFC Gym in Chicago, Illinois
Josh Hedges—Zuffa LLC via Getty Images UFC Gym in Chicago, Illinois

Thank dad and demonstrate your great money sense at the same time.

For Father’s Day 2015, families can take advantage of promotions and giveaways at restaurants, museums, zoos, theme parks, and more—even a free workout in a mixed martial arts-themed gym.

Food

Father’s Day doesn’t have quite as many freebies as Mother’s Day, but there are still a bunch. Here are the five best giveaway promotions:

Beef O’Brady’s: Dads eat free (up to $10 value) at participating locations on Father’s Day, with the purchase of another meal of equal or greater value.

Brickhouse Tavern and Tap: From 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., dads get a free brunch entree with the purchase of another entrée.

Hurricane Grill & Wings: Free entrée for dad with the purchase of another entrée in the party.

Medieval Times: Any day through Father’s Day, dad’s ticket to the dinner show is free with the purchase of a full-price adult ticket.

Spaghetti Warehouse: All dads are entitled to a free order of 15-layer lasagna or spaghetti and meatballs on Father’s Day.

Zoos & Museums

Zoos in Atlanta, Boston, Cincinnati, Columbus, Kansas City, Louisville, and Milwaukee are among the many offering dads (and usually, granddads) free admission on Sunday, typically with the requirement of at least one paid admission. Many museums, like the Harley-Davidson Museum in Milwaukee, Seattle’s Museum of Flight, and the transportation museums in Buffalo and St. Louis, have the same deal.

Theme Parks & Attractions

Dads get free admission to Jungle Island in Miami, the Florida Aquarium in Tampa, Silverwood Theme Park in Idaho all weekend (Saturday and Sunday) with the purchase of another admission. Other theme parks, like Wild Waves in Washington, offer two-for-one tickets for dads and their kids on Father’s Day. The Georgia Aquarium is yet another attraction with free admission for dads on Father’s Day, with the purchase of one other admission.

Workouts

Depending on the dad in question, this freebie could a blessing or torture: UFC Gyms around the country are offering free fitness camp instructional workouts to dads and up to three guests (minimum age: 12) on Father’s Day. Space is limited, and UFC is encouraging families to sign up asap.

TIME Family

How Parents’ Expectations Mess With Kids’ Grades

Bad news? Blame your folks
JEFF PACHOUD; AFP/Getty Images Bad news? Blame your folks

When Mom and Dad expect one child to perform better than the other, that's often exactly what happens

Never mind how long you think it’s been since you got your last report card, if you’re a parent, you get them all the time. Your son’s D in history despite the many times you told him to sit down and study already? That’s your D too. And as for all those As your no-nonsense, hardworking daughter keeps getting? Well, don’t get too full of yourself, but you own a piece of those as well.

That, at least, is one implication of a new—and faintly unsettling—study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. The report’s takeaway: your kids get the grades you expect them to get.

Parental expectations have long been an under-appreciated factor in the childrearing game. Kids are smart, the research suggests, especially when it comes to divining what mom and dad think of them. A child who is expected to underachieve will often live down to that prediction. A child expected to thrive will not necessarily become an academic, athletic or social superstar, but will have a much better shot at it.

To test how this dynamic plays out in the case of scholastic performance, Alexander Jensen of Brigham Young University and Susan McHale of Penn State assembled a sample group of 388 two-parent families with at least two children, and focused on the first- and second-borns of the brood. The sibling dyads—or pairs—were selected to represent all four possible age and gender combinations: two brothers, two sisters, an older brother and younger sister and an older sister and younger brother.

The parents were asked a handful of questions about how their children are similar or different when it comes to school work, which of the two is a better student, and how great, on a five-point scale, that difference in performance is. Simple stuff, but it produced surprising results.

On the whole, parents tended to believe that their older child was the better student, though the previous year’s report cards and grade point average often showed that that wasn’t the case. Parents exhibited a gender bias too, typically believing that a daughter was a better student than a son—which on average was true—even when the daughter was the younger child.

All those beliefs, founded in fact or not, had their effect on kids. When the researchers controlled for all of the reasons one child might have performed even a little bit better than the other in the previous school year, they found that the biggest factor determining how the kids would perform the following year was the parents’ belief in who the better student was. On average, the sibling the parents expected to outperform the other one did, by an average GPA bump of 0.21 points. That’s hardly an inconsequential margin, especially when it makes the kind of symbolic difference bringing home a 2.79 versus a 3.0 does.

But while parental expectations had a powerful impact on the kids performance, the reverse was not often true. Even when the child who was thought to be the lesser student did better than the other one, parents’ beliefs remained fixed; the golden child will always be seen as the golden child, never mind any academic tarnish that may accumulate over time.

The study was by no means a perfect one. Some parents surely do a worse job of hiding their expectations than others; some may even make it a point not to hide them, in the why-can’t-you-study-like-your-sister-does way. A sample group of 388 families might have 388 different ways of managing that dynamic.

Then too there is the chicken-egg problem. A question and answer survey of parents and a statistical core sample of just a year or two of grades does not remotely capture an entire childhood’s worth of experiences in which kids’ academic performance may be changing all the time and parents are forever having to tack into those winds.

“At younger ages, differences between siblings may shape parents’ beliefs,” the authors conceded, “and a direction for research is to determine how parents’ ideas about similarities and differences between their children emerge and develop over time.”

Still, if there’s one thing kids have always had it’s an uncannily good radar for what their parents think of them. And if there’s one thing parents often lack, it’s a good defense against that. Mom and Dad may never be able to hide their expectations about their kids completely, but they could, at least, do a better job of adjusting them as circumstances warrant. The kids themselves—to say nothing of their GPAs—will thank them for it.

TIME Family

13 Gift Ideas for New Dads

These gifts will keep them awake and ready

These clever, useful gifts cater to every new dad’s lack of sleep, time-management needs, and wide-open heart.

  • Cold Brew Coffee Infusion Bottle

    Epoca-Primula-PCGBK-1220-Cold-Brew-On-the-GO-20-oz.-Bottle-with-Filter-and-Black-Neoprene-Sleeve-2c6edf68-689a-44d6-a6fb-636ce12c2e4b copy
    Epoca—Overstock

    New dads don’t get much sleep. This cold-brew travel mug puts his much-needed morning joe on autopilot—he can simply fill the mug at night (say, when he’s preparing the baby bottles), then reach for it in the morning on his way to work. The neoprene sleeve makes it travel-friendly; the dishwasher-safe design makes it dad-friendly.

    To buy: $31, overstock.com.

  • Dad’s Playbook

    dads-playbook
    UncommonGoods

    The subtitle—Wisdom for Fathers from the Greatest Coaches of All Times—says it all. Fatherhood is the most important coaching job of his life, and the inspirational and tactical quotes from sports heroes like Steve Young will keep his head in the game, through victory and the occasional defeat (it’s amazing how quickly one caves in the face of a first tantrum).

    To buy: $13, uncommongoods.com.

  • Vader’s Little Princess and Darth Vader and Son

    Darth_Vader_and_Son
    Chronicle Books

    The illustrations say kid’s book, but the laugh-out-loud funny references speak directly to Star Wars fans. Perfect bedtime reading for after the little one’s asleep, these books by Jeffrey Brown are most definitely the gifts you’re looking for. (And that’s no Jedi mind trick.)

    To buy: $8-10 each, amazon.com.

  • Pillowtop Hammock

    pillowtop-hammock
    Island Bay—Hayneedle

    Baby gets a swing, why not Dad? Few things are more peaceful than swinging in a hammock in the yard, staring up at the sun-dappled trees, sneaking a few pages of that long-forgotten book, or catching a quick snooze. And once the little one is old enough to join him… just imagine the Instagram moments.

    To buy: $130, hayneedle.com.

  • Dresser Valet

    Reed-and-Barton-James-Mans-Valets-and-Storage-in-Brown-Bonded-Leather-Buckskin-Suede-735092227829
    Reed & Barton—Wayfair

    New dads have a lot to think about—make it easier for him to remember where he left his keys, wallet, tablet and smartphone by giving him this catch-all dresser valet. We love this leather one for its classic look, sturdy back (perfect for a leaning tablet) and mousehole charger openings.

    To buy: $42, wayfair.com.

  • Succulent Planter

    Babies require lots of care and feeding. Succulents, on the other hand, do not. Boost his life-sustaining confidence with this tabletop succulent garden. In fact, the whole household might breathe easier: Succulents are one of few plant types that take in carbon dioxide and release oxygen. Talk about a breath of fresh air.

    To buy: $32, etsy.com.

  • Cotton Polo Shirt

    This shirt has it all: a modern take on the classic polo, the perfect stain-concealing gray hue (hey, spit-up happens), and a socially-responsible backstory, thanks to Everlane’s direct relationship with the factories that produce it.

    To buy: $35, everlane.com.

  • Watermint Body Wash

    molton_body_wash
    Molton Brown

    When that alarm goes off just a few short hours after the baby finally went back down, he’s going to need a refreshing wake-up call. The crisp mint, buchu extract and cardamom combo in Molton Brown’s generous-sized body wash promises a cool start to any day. (No word on whether the company plans to make a scent that lulls babies to sleep before 2 a.m.)

    To buy: $30, amazon.com.

  • Guitar Pick Punch

    e91b_diy_guitar_pick_punch
    ThinkGeek

    It’s a universal musical truth that guitar players can never find a pick when they need one (no matter how many they own). And once there’s a baby in the house, the need for soothing music ASAP becomes that much more urgent. With this clever hole-punch, he can turn any sort of semi-hard plastic (think old gift cards) into a tool of tranquility.

    To buy: $25, thinkgeek.com.

  • Modern Mobile

    107183_A2_Modern_Mobile_Kit
    MoMA

    Why should junior get all the fun? This arty, grown-up mobile adds color and interest to a home office or family room—plus it’s fun to put together and can inspire deep thought when stared at for long periods of time (like meditation without the om).

    To buy: $40, momastore.com.

  • Quiet Headphones

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    Sennheiser

    There’s no risk of waking the baby with these headphones that don’t leak sound. The universal-fit jack is compatible with all smartphones, and the lightweight design promises hours of listening without feeling like his head is in a vice.

    To buy: $46, amazon.com.

  • Cordless Screwdriver

    dewalt_cordless_Screwdriver
    DeWalt

    You’ve seen the shower registry—you know exactly how many things he’ll need to assemble over the next few years. (Ah, who are we kidding? He’ll be assembling furniture and toys at least until the kid’s in college!) Set him up for success with a two-position cordless screwdriver that charges in just one hour.

    To buy: $73, homedepot.com.

  • Digital Camera

    canon_powershot_n_12_1
    Canon

    Some picture-perfect moments are so special they deserve better than his smartphone camera. The Canon Powershot N has 12.1 megapixels, 8x optical zoom and a 28mm wide-angle lens—all packed into a sleek design smaller than his palm. And for instant gratification and brownie points with the grandparents, he can upload photos to social media sites instantly using the built-in wi-fi.

    To buy: $149, amazon.com.

    This article originally appeared on Real Simple.

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TIME society

What It Was Like to Have My Tweet Become National News

xoJane.com is where women go to be their unabashed selves, and where their unabashed selves are applauded

The more loudly people complained that the tweet was a giant overreaction, the more they proved the need for feminism

xojane

Monday morning I was still in my day pajamas – you know the look: yoga pants, tank top, sports bra – when there was a knock at my front door, and I opened it up to find a man with a necktie and thoroughly gelled hair. “Are you Abi?” he asked me through the screen door. “Did you write the tweet about Target?”

I wrote the tweet about Target a week before, while my 7-year-old son and I were browsing the toy section. Actually, that’s not entirely true: I snapped the picture of the aisle sign while we were browsing the toy section, sometime between Pokèmon cards and Minecraft action figures. I wrote the tweet later, while I was waiting for him outside the restroom so we could check out.

“Don’t do this, @Target,” I wrote, and attached the photo of the sign that said, “Building Sets / Girls’ Building Sets” just as my son emerged from the bathroom. “Did you wash your hands?” I asked him as I tapped tweet.

And now my tweet had brought this smiling, be-gelled man to my front porch: a reporter from a Cleveland news affiliate, here to interview me.

“I was actually down here to do a story about LeBron,” he said, “but the office called and diverted me to this instead.” Before the Target tweet, the closest I had come to social media stardom was the time Roxane Gay RT’ed a selfie I took with her at a book signing. Now I had bumped a LeBron story.

I threw on a dress and some makeup, thanked God for dry shampoo, and within 15 minutes was miked and on camera. I was brilliant and articulate, I hoped, as I explained why I thought the sign was a problem – because making girls’ building sets a distinct category from building sets made it sound like girls are a separate category from kids; because the notion that girls would only be interested in special “girly” sets for building pink and purple hair salons and dollhouses and malls is the same nonsense that pigeonholes girls and women into certain roles – as my cat watched us from the front window.

That afternoon when the segment aired, I watched it from the waiting room at my dentist’s office with the receptionist and a hygienist on her break. “SIGN OFFENDS LOCAL MOTHER,” the title bar said, as if the aisle sign had stuck its foot out to trip me while I was shopping and then called me four-eyes.

We watched in silence for two and a half minutes as my onscreen self stammered and gestured through my interview, and when it was over, the receptionist changed the channel to Cartoon Network. “Huh,” she remarked conversationally. “If I’d seen that sign I would never have read anything into it.”

By that evening, Local Mom was being offended in every local news broadcast. The next day the story jumped to national news shows and websites, where I became the Ohio Mom who was “angry,” “upset,” “outraged,” even “furious.”

Strangers tweeted at me that I was just looking for attention and should be spending my time worrying about more important things, oblivious to the irony that they were spending their time seeking me out to give me attention. Libertarians lectured me about how consumers drive the free market, as if I weren’t a consumer who was now doing exactly that.

Men’s Rights forums picked up the story, and my twitter mentions became about what you’d expect from MRAs. I had written a four-word tweet, and now I was being called an ISIS supporter who hates homeless, starving children.

As the conversation unfolded, I found myself being made into a gender stereotype, too. I wasn’t a writer, a grad student, a university instructor; I was Ohio Mom. My critique of Target was angry and offended; they stopped just short of calling me shrill.

In my Twitter mentions, I became fat, ugly, and unlovable. The more loudly people complained that this was a giant overreaction, the more they proved the need for feminism.

And yet, I began to agree with some of the trolls. Maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing. Shouldn’t I be worrying about more important feminist issues, like violence against trans women of color? Didn’t this attention rightfully belong to the activists who had earned it, instead of just some mom from Ohio?

I told my therapist that I felt very aware of the white- and class-privilege that had put me at the center of this story; that I wasn’t sure if I had anything important to say, or if I should even try.

“Women have fought for decades to have a voice,” she said, “and yet so often we minimize the voice we have. Your words are powerful, and you can give yourself permission to use that power. You don’t have to feel guilty for speaking up.”

Together we made a plan for how I could own my power. I started asking interviewers not to label me “angry” or “offended,” and some of them obliged – it didn’t change the narrative that was already out there, but it was a step toward reclaiming my identity.

I gave a friend my Twitter password and asked her to filter my mentions for me for a few days, weeding out the worst of the trolls. I stopped letting the increased attention and scrutiny affect the way I was interacting with my social media communities.

And my community stepped up, too. Online friends made fun of the trolls in my mentions and sent me cat GIFs. Local friends stopped by with wine and moral support.

When a producer from a national talk show scheduled a camera crew to come to my house for an interview, friends offered to watch my kids and help clean my living room.

There is something absurd in a single tweet gaining this kind of national attention. This is how the 24-hour news cycle sausage is made – by taking these small, nuanced conversations and turning them into overblown, oversimplified issues.

But the beauty of social media is that we can use our voices and take our power, support each other, call for change on a whole spectrum of issues. And we don’t need a man to show up uninvited on our doorsteps for that to happen.

Abi Bechtel wrote this article for xoJane.

TIME Ideas hosts the world's leading voices, providing commentary and expertise on the most compelling events in news, society, and culture. We welcome outside contributions. To submit a piece, email ideas@time.com.

TIME Family

10 Things My Father Was Right About

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Stop worrying

My father spent his youth as a crossing guard, a Boy Scout, and a designated driver. I, on the other hand, squandered mine cutting gym class and hanging out at the mall. Back then, my father would deliver themed, Mike Brady–style lectures (one recurring favorite was the Importance of Being Honest), which I grudgingly tolerated and later dismissed. But as I’ve gotten older, a funny thing has come to pass: I’ve often found myself doing exactly what he told me to do, following even his most questionable advice—like renting the movie Pink Cadillac. Herewith, his greatest hits. (Caution: Some of these lessons may trigger flashbacks to your own father’s finest moments.)

1. Hold hands while you hash it out. My folks have been married for 47 years. One of my father’s rules for a happy marriage is that if a nasty argument erupts, hold hands as you fight. You’ll feel goofy doing this, but here’s the thing: It works. Recently my husband, Tom, forgot to pay a few bills that were buried under a pile of clutter. I was incandescent with rage. So we interlaced our fingers while we talked it out, and I felt my blood pressure plummet and my endorphins flow in spite of myself. It’s impossible to scream at someone who is giving your hand a gentle squeeze. It just is.

2. Pay attention to anyone who wears a tool belt… My father is practical, thrifty (or, put more accurately, cheap), and savvy about home improvements. He calls a repairman only as a last resort—and when he does, he hovers around the guy and asks tons of questions. “Carefully observe anyone with a skill that you don’t have,” my father often said, “and then you can take care of the fill-in-the-blank yourself.” He was right: After shadowing a handyman for an hour, I later fixed my own dishwasher, to the perpetual amazement of friends who call their super to change a lightbulb.

3. …Or a uniform. It has always annoyed my dad that a waiter gets a 20 percent tip for serving a crème brûlée, while a hotel maid who disposes of used dental floss often winds up with bubkes. My father routinely told our sanitation men and the crew who cleaned his office that they were doing a good job and made sure to compensate them at holidays. As a child, I used to writhe with embarrassment when he did this. Now I do the same for the sanitation workers in my neighborhood. One guy once told me, with a catch in his voice, that in 10 years, it was the first time he had ever been thanked.

4. You can never have enough baggies. Anything can be stored in a resealable plastic bag, according to my father. Shoelaces, maps, socks, meat. I used to mock his habit of bagging everything, but since then I’ve seen the light. They’re miracle workers—easy to stash, and you can spot their contents at a glance. Now, just like Dad, I have a special drawer just for these bags, which range from giant (for sweaters) to tiny (to squirrel away nuts in my purse). When I’m missing a size in my lineup, I get tense.

5. You can’t go wrong with Clint. Dad says if you are unable to decide what movie to rent, get a Clint Eastwood film. Even the bad ones, he contends, are superior to most other films. Even Every Which Way but Loose. Even The Gauntlet (look it up). Now, when I’m overwhelmed by the options, I simply look for Clint’s scowling face.

6. Don’t belittle the annual sack race. When my sisters and I hit adolescence, my father doggedly upheld our many family traditions, despite a tsunami of scorn. “They don’t mean anything to you kids now,” he’d tell us, “but one day you’ll invest in them yourselves.” Have we ever. Every Fourth of July, we have a sack race, and I just introduced a new tradition last Christmas. After dinner, I passed out lottery tickets and coins. Soon, all you could hear was an industrious scritch-scratch. And my father was beaming.

7. For Pete’s sake, stop worrying. Dad, like many guys of his generation, is a doer, not a talker. Just “fix it,” he tells himself, no matter how intractable the problem seems. His swift and decisive action used to strike me, a champion ditherer, as impulsive, but I’ve come to realize that consulting your gut leads to better decisions than exhaustive (and exhausting) deliberation. Now when I’m stymied, I say this phrase, and the answer comes.

8. Carry a hankie. Years ago, my parents and I were visiting a museum. I had a cold. My father handed me a fresh hankie and told me to keep it in my purse. And so I have. Tissues disintegrate, but not this sturdy cloth. Restroom dryer on the fritz? Handkerchief! Want to wrap a cookie to go? Handkerchief!

9. No one’s smarter than you. Long ago, if I was in a group and the conversation strayed to an unfamiliar topic, I’d keep silent. Dad urged me to say, “I don’t understand. Can you explain what you’re talking about?” Asking questions makes you sound smart, he said, and confident to boot. At a recent gathering, somebody mentioned the Mauritius Continental Shelf. Silence. Then I asked, “What’s that?” And all the former Ivy Leaguers around me exhaled and admitted they didn’t know what the hell it was, either.

10. You will want kids. My father always encouraged me to have a baby. I used to tell him that it wasn’t for everyone, but he shot back, “I know you, and you would love it.” True enough: Tom and I became parents recently, and that little girl is the joy of my life. I cannot wait to impart my own pearls of wisdom to her, such as the infinite uses for twist ties or the Importance of Being Honest (sound familiar?). And since she’s a lot like me, she’ll probably roll her eyes and grumble—and listen to every word.

This article originally appeared on Real Simple.

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MONEY Shopping

The One Big Problem With Father’s Day Gift Guides

ugly ties in a pile
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An actual real-live dad was consulted for this story. Imagine that!

We’ve all heard about how hard it is to pick out Father’s Day gifts. “Finding a Father’s Day gift ranks right up there on the difficulty scale with rocket science (at worst) and holding a plank for more than a minute (at best),” states a Glamour post accompanied by the prerequisite list of fashionable Father’s Day gift ideas. “Dads never seem to want anything until something breaks or gets lost.”

How awful. Doesn’t Dad know that his stubborn contentedness with what he has is getting in the way of your desire to spend an afternoon at Nordstrom and buy him something?

Certainly, Father’s Day gift-buying guides proliferate because selecting dad presents is such a pain. But that’s not the only reason. Father’s Day gift guides are also everywhere because children and spouses want to show their genuine appreciation for all that dads do (which is really nice), and the fact that retailers and advertisers love the opportunity to prod shoppers into buying supposedly manly merchandise that men wouldn’t buy for themselves (which is less nice).

Wanting nothing on Father’s Day is more or less considered a crime. More importantly, due to a mixture of obligation, guilt, and sincere affection, givers want to get something for the men in their lives. Hence the need for gift guides that theoretically help givers find the perfect “must-have” for a guy who, remember, doesn’t want anything. (Side note: Dads don’t use the phrase “must-have.”)

The big problem about Father’s Day gift guides, then, is that they are created much more with the giver rather than the recipient in mind. What’s more, these lists of Father’s Day gifts often seem to be compiled without any input whatsoever from actual, honest-to-goodness fathers.

This explains why Father’s Day gift guides are overloaded with cutting-edge gadgets, grooming products, luxury watches, stylish clothing, artisanal bourbon marshmallows, and what have you. These items are not necessarily about what dads want, but about what the givers want the dads in their lives to be like. They want dads to be hipper, smell and look better, and generally be trendier and less clueless.

Let’s think about this for a second. On the one day of the year devoted to fathers, the message accompanying many gifts is not simple appreciation for who dads truly are and all they do but nudges that say: Man, you need to get your act together. There would be upheaval if similarly passive-aggressive Mother’s Day gifts were handed out to implicitly tell Mom: You have awful taste and your appearance hasn’t been up to snuff lately.

Dads could be insulted by being force-fed these kinds of gifts. More often, they are received with a forced smile and a sense a puzzlement as to how much of a mismatch the item is with the kinds of things he truly likes. Detroit News finance editor (and genuine-article dad) Brian J. O’Connor recently pointed out many dos and don’ts (mostly don’ts) for Father’s Day gifts, in order to help givers avoid “having to slink back to Bed, Bath & Beyond or to waste your money shipping a return to that twee, ‘personally curated’ hippie store on the Web.” Among the many don’ts are items relating to Dad’s hobbies (if he wanted it, he’d have it), almost any kind of clothing, and anything personalized (coasters, tools, grilling sets, etc.).

To this, I’ll add the advice that if you must consult a Father’s Day gift guide, at least go to a source that the dad in your life knows and respects and therefore has a prayer of jibing with his sensibility. If your dad is a regular on Pinterest or etsy, or if he’s a big reader of Glamour, Seventeen, or Real Simple, or if he shops all the time at Nordstrom, Pottery Barn, or Bed, Bath & Beyond, that’s great. By all means check out their Father’s Day gift suggestions.

On the other hand, there’s a problem if you’re getting a Father’s Day gift based mostly on what you like—or perhaps what you want your dad or husband to be like. This is how dads wind up with scented candles on Father’s Day. They may be “manly” scented candles that look and smell like charcoal, but they’re scented candles nonetheless. And if your dad isn’t a scented candle kind of guy, what in the world are you doing buying him scented candles?

Likewise, if your father never looks at Esquire, InStyle, Details (or MONEY for that matter!), and would chuckle at the thought of dressing like any of the slick, trendy hipsters on the pages inside, then these resources should be dismissed, or at least their recommendations should be considered with extreme skepticism. These kinds of Father’s Day lists swear that your dad really does want a vintage $400 camera, a drone, $1,300 penny loafers, men’s makeup products, and perhaps a fancy wireless digital thermometer with Bluetooth connectivity for grilling meat.

If you truly know your dad, you should know whether these are the kinds of things he’ll like or be annoyed or mystified by. And if he says he really doesn’t want you to buy him anything, maybe, just maybe, you should believe him.

MORE: This Father’s Day, Your Dad Actually Needs a Tie
The Worst Father’s Day Gifts — And What to Buy Instead
What You Wish You Could Give Dad on Father’s Day, But Shouldn’t

TIME Family

This Dove Commercial Will Make You Cry Happy Tears

The spot is made from real-life footage of men getting happy news

To mark this Father’s Day on June 21, Dove is releasing an ad that wouldn’t have been possible without the foresight of some clever females.

The company cobbled together footage of men finding out that they were going to become fathers, news that their baby mamas (and one baby daddy) surprised them with in gift boxes and cards—with the camera rolling. All the footage was posted on public sites that Dove employees trawled through, contacting the parents to ask them to be part of the campaign.

Dove, whose “real beauty” campaign turned 10 years old in 2014, brought a similar approach to their men’s line, attempting to reflect dads as they are rather than as unrealistic archetypes. Jen Bremner, U.S. marketing director for Dove Men+Care, a line the company has been aligning with dads since it debuted in 2010, said that when the company was researching how to position the brand, they found that fathers felt falsely depicted in advertising, as either bumbling dolts or super-hot supermen.

“Actually becoming a dad is a very significant and transformative experience,” Bremner said. “It redefines their masculinity.” It also makes for some very good television.

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MONEY Careers

Is Work-Life Balance Even Possible?

We asked people on the streets of New York City how they manage to keep their home lives and work lives separate, if at all.

Balancing your time and energy between work and home is difficult; you’ve got that report due on Wednesday and your kids need help with their homework. We went to Times Square to ask people how they prioritize between their careers and their family. Some people said they clock out right at 5p.m. every day while some said they take work home with them every night. How do you manage your work-life balance?

TIME Family

Why My Sister Allowed Her Death to Be Filmed for TV

Renee Heidtman wanted to leave her mark on the world—which includes what her dying taught me

At 32 years old, my older sister, Renee, had to choose how she wanted to die from terminal cancer. While her choice didn’t make financial sense, and it made life harder for her family members, it was the only choice she could live with. She chose to die at home in San Francisco. I am forever grateful for her choice.

My sister was given two options when she was put on hospice. With no guarantee of how long she would live, she knew that she wanted the most comfortable death possible. She could choose to die in a facility, with strangers caring for her, or she could choose to die in a familiar setting, surrounded by people who loved her.

It was a difficult decision. Financial burdens loomed over us like dark clouds that just wouldn’t go away. And I was carrying a lot of the weight. But with a lot of luck and a network of amazing friends, we were able to make it happen. We made GoFundMe accounts and reached out to close friends to help us. Organizations like The Shanti Project helped us with experienced and compassionate volunteers. Her friends gave everything they could to make sure she had a peaceful death.

In the midst of it all, we were contacted about being the subject for National Geographic’s I Am Dying. My sister was immediately interested. She knew that she wanted to tell her story and leave her mark on the world. She accomplished so much in her life, even after her diagnosis. She wanted people to know about the positive impact she had on the world. I was more hesitant about the filming. I had to be able to trust the filmmakers to make sure that they wouldn’t sensationalize her illness.

So I met with filmmakers Dan Lindsay and TJ Martin, who told me about the piece they wanted to make. They assured me that it would be a portrait of Renee’s life and her final days, and that it wouldn’t be provocative. After seeing how compassionate both of them were, we both agreed to be filmed.

As her death grew near, and as I was forced to leave my job to take care of her full-time, they followed our journey. Everything was uncertain, but I knew that being by her side was far more important than making money.

During those final weeks, I was able to feed her, clothe her, bathe her, administer her medication and change her diapers. We were able to laugh, share memories and eat pancakes every day for breakfast. I was able to reach out to her closest friends to make sure they could spend as much time as they wanted with her.

I slowly learned her language and read her facial expressions. She would squeeze my hand if the answer was yes, nothing if it was no. Her dedicated nurses talked with me late at night as I tried to change her soiled sheets while she was still lying in the hospital bed. I was able to master it and found great satisfaction in caring for her the way a nurse would.

Together, we faced our fears of using the walker and the wheelchair – two elephants in the room that I only knew for a short time. I learned how to give her methadone after she was unresponsive, how to make sure her mouth was moist when she couldn’t swallow, and ultimately, how to say goodbye.

By being able to take care of her in her apartment, I learned a patience that I had never known before. As she slowly lost her mind, I let her take her time with simple tasks and tried to give her as much freedom as possible. Other caregivers could never give the same amount of love and affection.

When I found her breathless on April 11, 2013, I knew there would be no more reaching out to her close friends. There would be no more late-night calls to Sutter Care. And worst of all, there would be no more memories to share with her.

After the hospital bed was taken away, my mind and body were still in caregiver mode. I desperately wanted the care to continue. I ached for that special bond. As my grief took over me in a profound way, I knew that my education should continue.

Now, I strive to be the best hospice volunteer I can be. My goal is to touch the lives of others the way I was able to touch my sister’s. Whether I am able to work as a caregiver every day or not, I know that inside, a caregiver is who I am. I simply want the compassion to continue.

Before your death, you’ll be given choices. No matter what you choose, it will be difficult for your family members. My sister made the right choice for her. You can make the right choice for you, because your death should be the most beautiful experience of your life. I Am Dying shows just one example of how beautiful life and death can be. While there is sadness within its contents, there is a lust for life that lives on.

 

I Am Dying, directed by Dan Lindsay and T.J. Martin and produced by Casey Affleck and Joaquin Phoenix, premieres Saturday, June 13.

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