TIME Appreciation

Turtle vs. Dog Is the Best Soccer Match You’ll See During the World Cup

You’ll never guess who wins the closest thing the World Cup has to the Puppy Bowl

The World Cup this year has been even more packed than most with high-intensity, hair-raising games, but none of them holds a candle to this matchup for the ages: turtle v.s. dog.

Posted to Facebook under the title “Italian soccer :) ( a.k.a. also a turtle and a dog can manage …” by Valeria D’Innocenzo Carlantoni in Civitavechia, Italy, a small town near Rome, this 1:17-long clip features some surprisingly cheeky touches and fancy footwork. The aggressive tackle at the end is exceptional, though it’s a miracle no one got carded.

If you’ve been rooting for the U.S., soothe your broken heart (which should still be celebrating the OMG-mind-blowingly awesome performance of U.S. goalie Tim Howard) with this clip.

Try and watch this video without, at least in your head, narrating the action in a game announcer voice. This needs to be the World Cup’s version of the Puppy Bowl.

TIME Appreciation

Here’s What It Feels Like to Ride the World’s Tallest Water Slide

This video gives you the adrenaline rush without the danger

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At 17 stories high — or, more precisely, 168 feet and 7 inches — the Verrückt water slide in Kansas City’s Schlitterbahn Waterpark is the world’s tallest.

Verrückt, fittingly, is German for crazy or insane. Wondering what it would be like to take a ride on this monster? The point-of-view video above — recorded by strapping a camera to a sandbag — should give you a taste. Hopefully this video will tide you over until you can try it for yourself, for the opening of the ride has been delayed “several times” due to technical glitches, according to CNN.

TIME Crime

How a 4-Year-Old Girl Foiled Her Babysitter’s Robbery Plot

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Yellow police tape Getty Images

Definitely not Babysitter's Club material

A babysitter’s ill-planned burglary plot was foiled by a very wise 4-year-old named Abby.

Wednesday, or what Abby described to a Detroit Fox affiliate as “the worst day in my life,” two teenage men invaded the parent-free home. Among other goods, “The bad guys stole my kitty bank, they stole my iPod,” Abby said.

While the 17-year-old babysitter said that the thieves were two armed black males — one of whom suspiciously looked like the next door neighbor — her story fell apart when Abby “described the suspects as having peach-colored skin as opposed to having dark colored skin,” Sheriff Bill Elfo told ABC News. The babysitter almost immediately confessed that her boyfriend and a cohort had, in fact, been the ones who actually committed the crime.

All three involved were arrested. The innocent neighbor was handcuffed and questioned for hours, but was later released.

(Fox)

TIME animals

There’s a Kickstarter to Help People Experience Life as a Cat

Celebrate by knocking over a houseplant

For all those who have stretched out on the patch of sunlight your window illuminated on your living room floor, all-the-while wondering what life would be like if you were a cat: Have we got news for you.

Catlateral Damage—a first-person, destructive cat simulator, obviously—premiered last year and after receiving a positive response, it launched a Kickstarter to expand to become a full-fledged game. The project aims to earn $40,000 by July 11, and it is already more than $15,000 into its goal.

So what is Catlateral Damage? As the Kickstarter video explains, “Here’s you. You’re a cat! Go be a cat.”

That means human you gets to live a virtual existence as a catnip eating feline who runs around and knocks things over. Like books. And shoes. And plants. A more explicit explanation is as follows:

“Your goal is to reach the fancy mansion down the street and destroy the super secret, super valuable object hidden within its locked safe. You start in your home apartment, traversing and trashing various houses on the street until your reach the mansion. In each house, you start in a locked room and make messes in rooms to unlock adjacent ones.”

And the donation perks? With a $9,999 donation, founder Eitan Glinert will adopt a cat from a local animal shelter. “There is no limit! Make him adopt ALL THE CATS,” the Kickstarter reads. “He’ll periodically send you pitches of the cat, and you are invited to come and hang out with him or her when you are in Boston.”

The game will be available of Windows, Mac, Linux, and Ouya.

TIME Appreciation

Nebraska Firm Pays Out $61K in Bonuses Exclusively in $2 Bills

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Two dollar bill Getty Images

If your grandpa gave bonuses, this would be how he'd do it

It turns out that Nebraska-based Hornady Manufacturing is the kooky grandpa of the business world. Why? Because the ammunition manufacturer gave its 300-plus employees $61,000 in bonus money exclusively in $2 bills.

But unlike the $2 bills Pop-Pop gave you when you were good last Christmas, these bills aren’t meant to be hoarded in your special drawer.

“Two years ago, we caught a lot of flack from the city council and some people in the city of Grand Island for how we don’t support the community and we don’t do things around here, which we disagreed with… [it] kind of hurt our feelings,” VP Jason Hornady told Omaha.com. And so, to prove a point, he is asking employees to spend the bills at local businesses.

“If people look at you funny, tell them where you work, and we think that they will notice,” said the vice president, whose company slogan promises dependability (as well as accuracy and deadliness).

Hornady’s father, Steve, had done a similar bit with $1 coins a few years ago, but surely asking employees to lug those things around is just cruel.

Hornady also clarified that employees aren’t only getting paid in Monopoly money. “They also receive a nice check and a deposit into their 401(k)s,” that they can spend wherever.

Bonuses reportedly total 40% of employees’ regular pay.

[Omaha.com]

TIME

Google Officially Certified People as Pokémon Masters

86th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
The Pikachu Pokemon balloons are seen during the 86th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Mike Lawrie—Getty Images

And they gave them business cards to prove it

On April 1st, one of Google’s many (many, many, many) pranks included having a slew of 150 Pokémon infiltrate Google Maps. While some Google Map navigators spent a few minutes searching around their city to catch a Pokémon or two, others spent hours taking that “Gotta catch ‘em all” mantra very seriously.

And their efforts weren’t for naught.

Two-and-a-half months later, as promised, Google has sent a bit of appreciation the Pokémon Masters’ way: A letter thanking them for their service and providing them with official Pokémon Master business cards.

Here’s Redditor tinygrump’s prize:

That’s almost as cool as a LEGO business card.

TIME

Watch This Dad React Every Time His Son Gets a New Tattoo

"Ohhh Jeeze"

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Father’s Day is officially over. For posterity’s sake, a son decided to record his dad’s growing disappointment with every new tattoo he gets. Each new ink Joshua gets is like a punch to the poor Dad’s gut. While we can’t see what said tattoos look like, we’ll take Pop’s word on it. “It’s ugly. GAH.”

(h/t: 22 Words)

TIME Appreciation

10 Lessons We Learned From the Internet’s Favorite Dads

This Father's Day, take a look back at the dads that have gone viral around the web

A good father shares advice and life lessons with his kids — and a great father shares advice and life lessons with the whole Internet. So, let’s take a moment to appreciate the important lessons imparted to us by great dads who’ve really made their digital mark.

Lesson 1: You can be a single lady, even if you’re a toddler and male.

Back in 2010, one dad made his son cry by telling him, “You’re not a single lady, buddy” when the boy began to dance to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It).” The father soon realized his misstep and changed his tune, telling his young son that he CAN be a single lady, if he wants to be.

Lesson 2: Be thrilled about your accomplishments, even if they are remarkably average.

This dad wept with tears of unbridled joy when he learned that his son earned a C in math. So what if that’s, by definition, average? Stand up and be proud!

Lesson 3: Dads will always, always embarrass their kids when they dance.

Sometimes famous dads go viral for, well, just being really dad-like.

Lesson 4: There are plenty of songs to enjoy that are not “Let It Go.”

This father-daughter duo captured our collective heart for their spirited lip sync of Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy.”

Lesson 5: Laptops are not bulletproof.

Remember this dad who went on an eight-minute rant directed toward his daughter for her incessant whining on social media? One of the lessons here is don’t be a brat, but the real takeaway is that laptops don’t stand a chance in a firefight.

Lesson 6: You done goofed.

The now-deceased Gene Leonhardt became an Internet sensation for angrily defending his daughter from her haters — and for telling them, “You done goofed.” Let’s all try and apply that as a lesson every day, because we’ve probably all done goofed.

Lesson 7: Start planning NOW so you can become a viral sensation later.

This dad taped his kids coming downstairs on Christmas morning for more than two decades. It probably annoyed them — especially during their surly teen years — but look how much it paid off. They got millions of views on YouTube! Redemption.

Lesson 8: If you want to be a great dad, just get deployed to Afghanistan and then plan an elaborate surprise homecoming.

Sounds easy enough.

Lesson 9: America is number one!

In honor of the Sochi Olympics, this dad built a backyard snow luge for his kids and totally decked it out in red white and blue/woohoo America/USA is #1 type decor.

Lesson 10: You can’t hit people because you want pancakes.

The most important lesson of them all. Jury’s still out on whether or not you can hit people because you want waffles.

TIME Appreciation

5 Actually Good Things That Happened on Friday the 13th

Don't believe the hype

Correction appended, June 13, 3:04 p.m.

For those of us with the windows drawn, desperate to avoid the double whammy of Friday the 13th and Mercury retrograde at all costs—change out of your hole-y sweatpants and go outside. Friday the 13th isn’t as calamitous as some people make it out to be. Sure, the 1989 stock market dip, Tupac Shakur’s death, and the sinking of Costa Concordia all happened on that dreaded day, but some good stuff happened, too.

Here are 5 good things that happened on Friday the 13th (Mercury retrograde we can’t help you with):

LBJ signed an executive order designed to eliminate hiring discrimination based on gender on October 13, 1967
Executive Order 11375 was applicable to the United States federal workforce and government contractors.

The accordion was patented January 13, 1854
And who doesn’t love at least the option of hearing good polka? Or in this case,a reinterpretation of Vivaldi:

The first female flight instructor was licensed October 13, 1939
You crash through that glass ceiling with your airplane, Evelyn Pinckert Kilgore!

It was a really good day for the Friday the 13th film franchise
When adjusted for ticket price inflation, the films grossed a total of $738 million

Premiere of Warner Bros.' "Friday The 13th" - Arrivals
Actress America Olivo arrives at the premiere of Warner Bros.’ “Friday the 13th” Kevin Winter—;Getty Images

And most importantly, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were born June 13, 1986
I have three rebuttals for the haters out there who think that this is anything but a good thing: 1) Passport to Paris, 2) The song Brother for Sale, 3) This picture exists:

Correction: This original version of this story misstated Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s birthday. They were born June 13, 1988.

 

TIME Family

The Top 10 Interests Dads Share With Their Kids, According to Facebook

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A thumbs up or "Like" icon at the Facebook main campus ROBYN BECK—AFP/Getty Images

Facebook figured out Dads and their kids' shared interests for Father's Day

In honor of Father’s Day—it’s this Sunday, buy your presents now!—Facebook pulled data on shared interests that dads have with their kids.

The social platform pored through its 1.28 billion active monthly users to find self-identified fathers and their 18-and-up children to compare their “Likes” in topics including movies, TV shows, athletes, and musicians. It then broke down how things differ between father/daughter and father/son shared interests.

The contrast was pretty stark. Dads’ and daughters’ most liked movies, for example, is The Notebook. Dads and sons were into Star Wars. Dads and kids of both genders “liked” The Hangover the most. The most surprising and stereotyped data, however, was for television. It turns out that Dads and their girls are really into Teen Mom!

Here’s the top 10 shared TV show likes for fathers and daughters:

  1. NCIS
  2. Teen Mom
  3. The Ellen DeGeneres Show
  4. Grey’s Anatomy
  5. Duck Dynasty on A&E
  6. Criminal Minds
  7. House
  8. The Secret Life of the American Teenager
  9. True Blood
  10. Pretty Little Liars

The father/son TV favorites have no overlap:

  1. Family Guy
  2. SportsCenter
  3. MythBusters
  4. Tosh.0
  5. South Park
  6. Band of Brothers
  7. Two and a Half Men
  8. The Walking Dead
  9. Futurama
  10. Sons of Anarchy

And now here’s what fathers and both of their children “like” to watch:

  1. Family Guy
  2. Tosh.0
  3. House
  4. NCIS
  5. The Office
  6. Duck Dynasty on A&E
  7. The Big Bang Theory
  8. Two and a Half Men
  9. Sons of Anarchy
  10. MythBusters

Now you know what DVD set to get Dad for Sunday. You’re welcome.

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