TIME celebrity

Watch Chris Pratt Sing a Beautiful Tribute to Li’l Sebastian at the Parks and Rec Wrap Party

Everyone is very nostalgic as the final season approaches

The Parks and Recreation crew just wrapped its final season, which will begin airing Jan. 13, and we’re starting to get a little misty-eyed thinking about saying our goodbyes to the great people of Pawnee, Ind.

The show’s cast and crew, of course, have also been getting pretty nostalgic about wrapping up the beloved comedy. On the last day of filming, they were tweeting photos and memories and all sorts of sentimentality. And then at the show’s wrap party, it seems the nostalgia continued.

We don’t know much about the festivities — though we imagine everyone was getting drunk on Snake Juice and Amy Poehler sang “Poker Face” — but we do know Chris Pratt took the stage (possibly in character as lovable idiot Andy Dwyer?) to sing “5,000 Candles In the Wind.” As you probably recall, that’s the song Andy’s band Mouserat performed as a tribute to Li’l Sebastian, the miniature horse who was basically the Beyoncé of Pawnee.

Oh man, all this nostalgia, but I’M NOT CRYING, OKAY?

Read next: Watch Nick Offerman Sing a Beautiful Tribute to His One True Love, Whiskey

TIME Business

McDonald’s Japan is Facing a French Fry Shortage

Labor dispute on the West Coast has delayed production

McDonald’s Japan is only selling small-size french fries because a labor dispute among ports on America’s West Coast has delayed shipments of supplies, Reuters reports.

“Unfortunately without this sales restriction step, we would run the danger of running out of fries at some of our stores around the end of the year or beginning of the new year,” McDonald’s Japan spokeswoman Kokoro Toyama told Reuters.

To help avoid a shortage, the company is ordering shipments of frozen potatoes from East Coast ports to Japan—the biggest Asian market for frozen potatoes made in America.

McDonald’s Japan reportedly has not said when it would resume selling larger sizes, but Reuters points out there does not seem to be a limit on how many small-size fries customers can buy.

 

 

TIME animals

This Video Is a Turtle Love Story Baby Just Say Yes

Romeo helps Juliet who has fallen on her back and then they ride off into the sunset

This is a video starring two turtles, so you’re probably thinking it isn’t going to be a big deal and it isn’t going to make you feel a bunch of feelings. But joke’s on you, because this video is a big deal and it is going to make you feel a bunch of feelings.

When one turtle spotted a fellow turtle stuck on its back, it bravely came to the rescue, carefully but deliberately turning it over until it was standing on its own feet once again. It’s really such a beautiful moment. They both pause, letting this burgeoning turtle romance sink in for just a second, before waddling (do turtles waddle?) off into the sunset.

As Taylor Swift might say: It’s a love story, baby just say yes.

 

TIME Books

9 Decent Pieces of Advice From the Worst People on TV

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA
From left: Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds, Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds, Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly, Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds and Rob McElhenney as Mac in It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Matthias Clamer—FXX

Surprising words of wisdom from the depraved characters of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The five main characters from the FX show It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia—Charlie, Mac, Dennis, Sweet Dee and Frank—are some of the worst people ever portrayed in a TV series.

Each is delusional and profoundly narcissistic, which serves each character well in the service of their various schemes (except for the illiterate Charlie, who is just sort of a beautiful mystery), and yet somehow, even within the context of a group of mean alcoholics running a crappy bar in nondescript industrial Philly, they are remarkably unsuccessful people. Which makes their new self-help book, “The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today,” that much more intriguing.

Suffice to say that fans of the show will like the book. I did. But my purpose here isn’t to review The Gang’s foray into the written word. (Or drawn “word,” in Charlie’s case. Bless him). I’m here to relay the nuggets of decent advice I somehow did find in those pages. Here they are:

“When considering marriage, the first thing you need to do is create a framework for thinking about whether or not you should actually do it. The first question you have to ask yourself is “Am I totally high on crack?” If the answer is no, then the next question you should ask yourself is “Why, if I’m not totally high on crack, am I even thinking about getting married?” –Dennis

Four out of five households today don’t fit the traditional equation of mom plus dad plus two kids equals family. Divorce rates are high and being single is cool—so what’s the rush?

“If you wanna get by in this life, you better get yourself a good sidekick.” –Frank

Butch Cassidy knew this. So did Batman. So does everyone who gets elected President of the United States. Sidekicks are cool.

“Friends come in all shapes and sizes. Mostly they’re people-sized, but not always. Sometimes friends are shaped like other things. Like a bird with teeth, or a jar of glue, or a block of cheddar.” –Charlie

While I in no way recommend making friends with a jar of glue, I like this one because of the message of inclusion. Friendships come in odd forms and sometimes from unlikely places. Unlikely friends can be some of the best friends of all.

“As any exceptional actor will tell you, the most important element of acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’re golden.” –Sweet Dee

An excellent piece of classic acting advice. Unfortunately, it honestly definitely did not come from Sweet Dee. Maybe George Burns, maybe somewhere else.

“If you steal and you don’t get caught, you don’t have to go to jail.” –Frank

I’m assuming you don’t need me to spell this one out for you. Pretty straightforward.

“Let’s face the facts: There are two kinds of people in this world: those who sweat the small stuff, and those who have the balls not to.”-Dennis

Keeping focused on the big picture and not getting bogged down in petty things takes chutzpah. Or courage. Or audacity. Or “balls,” I guess, if you’re Dennis.

“Basically, less evolved dudes tend to get weirded out if they can tell you’re wearing mascara. Go easy.” – Mac

All things in moderation. Plus there’s an implicit reminder not to be a judgmental dolt.

“A shush is the social equivalent of a slap in the face.” –Dennis

You know it, I know it, so just, if you’re going to do it, be prepared for the repercussions.

“It is illegal to keep a hummingbird as a pet in the United States of America, and any attempt to do so may be punishable by fines, imprisonment, death, or all of the above. If you have hummingbirds in your house, you should put this book down and go get rid of that bird immediately. Or suffer the consequences of the law.” –Charlie

That’s just good solid advice right there. And mostly true, actually.

Read next: The Top 10 TV Shows of 2014

TIME animals

New York Makes Tattoos and Piercings on Pets Illegal

Puppy Dog
Getty Images

Offenders could face up to 15 days in jail or $250 in fines

If you live in New York and were planning to get matching tattoos for you and your cat, think again.

Body art like tattoos and piercings on pet animals will soon be a crime across the state following a law passed on Monday, the Associated Press reported.

Assembly member Linda Rosenthal sponsored the legislation, which was signed by the state’s Governor Andrew Cuomo and will take effect in 120 days. “It’s simply cruel,” said Rosenthal, adding that unlike humans, animals do not have the ability to choose the pain that comes with body art.

The law does make exceptions for markings made for identification or medical reasons, but those only include preapproved letters and numbers.

Other than that, the governor’s office says, piercing your pooch could now get you up to 15 days in jail or $250 in fines.

[AP]

TIME World

Exclusive: 29 Instagrams That Defined the World in 2014

See some of the most powerful images shared on Instagram this year

As Instagram hit a milestone this month, with its number of monthly active users ballooning to 300 million, TIME, in association with the photo-sharing app, takes a look back at the key moments of 2014.

The selection of images, shared by some of Instagram’s most popular and respected photographers, offers an intimate view of some of the defining events of the year: From the toll of war in Gaza to the unrest in Ferguson, Mo., and from the border between Mexico and the U.S. all the way to Mongolia, Afghanistan and Sierra Leone.

“Real moments are captured and posted on Instagram every single day, from Nana Kofi Acquah’s image of a Tanzanian doctor timing a baby’s labored breathing using his mobile phone, to Brendan Hoffman’s haunting first reactions upon arriving at the crash site of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 in eastern Ukraine,” says Pamela Chen, Instagram’s Editorial Director. “These are just a sampling of the powerful images shared by people around the world in 2014.”

Read next: The Top 10 Photos of 2014

TIME Fine Art

Google Doodle Commemorates Russian Painter Wassily Kandinsky

US-ART-AUCTION-CHRISTIES
The Department Chairman of Impressionist and Modern Art at Christie's, speaks about Wassily Kandinsky's "Strandszene", painted in 1909, on display May 2, 2014 in New York City. Stan Honda—AFP/Getty Images

Known as the first truly abstract artist, he would have been 148 years old today

Renowned Russian artist Wassily Kandinsky, the man whose 148th birthday Google is celebrating in its latest Doodle, only started painting when he was 30.

Born in Moscow in 1866, Kandinsky grew up in Odessa and then studied Law and Economics before being offered a professorship at the University of Dorpat, Estonia. He left this position in 1896 and relocated to Munich seeking admission into the city’s Academy of Fine Arts. After initially being shunned, he entered the academy a few years later, where he flourished as a painter and an art theorist.

Kandinsky, who was inspired to take up painting by French impressionist painter Claude Monet’s iconic Haystacks and composer Richard Wagner’s opera Lohengrin, is known as the first truly abstract artist and often likened painting to music. “Colour is the keyboard, the eyes are the hammers, the soul is the piano with many strings. The artist is the hand which plays, touching one key or another, to cause vibrations in the soul,” he wrote in his iconic text Concerning the Spiritual In Art.

Kandinsky moved back to his native Russia following the outbreak of World War I in 1914, but returned to Germany in 1921 after being dissatisfied with the official theories of art under the communist regime. In 1933 he emigrated to France, where he lived out the rest of his days until his death in 1944.

TIME Science

Scientists Name New ‘Punk Rock’ Snail After The Clash’s Joe Strummer

Five new species of Alviniconcha snails were identified using DNA sequences. Shannon Johnson—MBARI

Alviconcha strummeri lives life to the extreme.

Correction appended: Dec. 16, 2014

Alviconcha strummeri is a snail with serious attitude.

These snails live in the deep sea near thermal vents 11,500 feet under water and their golf ball-sized shells are fully spiked. It’s no wonder the scientists who discovered them were reminded of mohawk-wearing, leather-clad punks.

“Because they look like punk rockers in the 70s and 80s and they have purple blood and live in such an extreme environment, we decided to name one new species after a punk rock icon,” said Shannon Johnson, a researcher at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute told the Santa Cruz Sentinel.

Specifically, they named him Joe Strummer, after the leader of iconic British rock band The Clash. Strummer isn’t the first punk legend to have a species named for him: Sex Pistol John Lydon and members of The Ramones have had species of extinct trilobite named after them. In fact, an exhibition of “Heavy Metal And Punk Fossils” opened at Oslo’s Natural History Museum last year.

Plenty of non-rock celebrities have had species named for them, too. There’s a lemur named for Monty Python comedian John Cleese, a small parasite named after reggae legend Bob Marley and a species of whale named for Moby Dick author Herman Melville. The practice is an easy and humorous way for scientists to draw attention to their discoveries. “This gets people excited about science,” Johnson said. “Otherwise, people might not see these snails.”

Correction: The original version of this story misstated how deep these snails live under water. The correct distance is 11,500 feet.

TIME animals

We Are All This Pug Named Doug Whose Only Real Christmas Wish Is Food

Watch his very relatable parody of Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You"

I don’t want a lot for Christmas, Mariah Carey coos in her hit song “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” There is, however, just one thing she needs.

That one thing, of course, is you. (Well, not you you, but you get it.) Not everyone can relate to Mariah’s song — but we feel confident that everyone can relate to this new version performed by Doug the Pug. All he wants for Christmas is food. Tacos, pizza, cookies, Chex Mix, doughnuts, Doug wants it all. And that’s all he wants. It’s all he’s ever wanted.

TIME Internet

You Won’t Be Able to Stop Listening to This Mashup of 2014’s Best Pop Songs

Heavy on "All About That Bass" mashups

‘Tis the season for rounding up the best songs of the year. In that spirit, both DJ Earworm and the pop group Us the Duo have released remixes of the year’s biggest songs, and now, artist Daniel Kim of Vancouver, Canada, has offered up the 2014 edition of his annual up-tempo spin on the hits “Pop Danthology.”

Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” seems to be the most prominently featured song, getting mashed up with Tiësto’s “Red Lights,” Katy Perry’s “Birthday,” and Jessie J’s “Bang Bang.”

Lyrics and song titles—if you cannot guess them yourself—can be found here.

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